Husband not happy since we had a baby

[BGWG]

I have a 10 month old baby and I know my husband has been increasingly unhappy in our marriage since our baby was born. Tonight he said he was done and to leave him alone in case he says something he will regret so I’m just upstairs feeling sick and I’ve got no one to talk to.

I know the main issue is our lack of intimacy these days (maybe 1 every fortnight) but we’ve been in separate rooms as the baby / monitor disturbed him too much. I do try and summon up the energy but honestly im exhausted by the end of the day and my baby still isn’t sleeping through.

He’s been really pushy about wanting to go away without the baby which I just don’t want to do which again has caused friction. Apparently everyone leaves their baby from 6 months old for regular date nights and holidays ?!

He also says I’m angrier and more short tempered than I used to be which again probably is true but i just have less time to be patient these days - e.g i got annoyed the other day as we were going out after our baby’s (2 hour!!) nap and he decided to start a DIY project 5 mins before baby was due to wake up so I ended up having to hang around with the baby while he finished off.

Not really sure what the point of this is, but I’m just wondering if anyone has been in the same situation and if things have got better

To be fair to the husband living with someone who doesn’t have time to be patient can’t be much fun

So many men like the idea of babies as it makes them look virile/adult but hate the reality

if he moves out will you be ok financially? Do you have family to help you?

Is there a chance he's met someone else? I feel like he's using excuses to end things so he can move on with someone else.

Tell him you understand and ask him to take over baby responsibility including nights for the next few weeks till you are rested.

10 months PP was the worst time for us, and we ended up in counselling as a result. We hit utter rock bottom. Our 10 month sleep regression lasted a full month, we were both trying independently to parent, not giving anyone their own space/time off, it was frankly hell, and we were exhausted/not communicating. Therapy really helped us to neutralise the situation and begin to appreciate one another again. We put a plan in place, accepted help and got a night nurse for a few days (it was expensive, but the sleep regression solved by night 2), and then we began to focus on us again, got a babysitter at least once a month, did a date night, scheduled time for each of us to have time to go to the gym, go for a walk, get a little bit of solo time, but planned solo time, so it could really be enjoyed. Therapy always ended then by each of us having to tell the other what we appreciated about the other, and it does make you stop and think, and realise that there are good things that are worth staying for. If you're both open to fixing the issue, I really recommend talking to someone.

He sounds very selfish, I hope you’re ok.
Most relationships take an absolute battering when baby arrives, the first year is not a normal year to be able to gauge what you want long term.
also-as others have said, there’s no normal time to leave baby. I didn’t leave mine over night until he was 2

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this at the moment - what an utter selfish prick he is.

You need to speak to a solicitor as soon as possible. It would be very unusal for the dad to have 50/50 custody with a breast fed baby under the age of one.

He sounds pretty awful though. He hasn't really bothered to bond with his baby and his input and care is minimal. If he tries to get 50/50 custody just to give the baby to his mum, you need to fight hard to stop this.

Omg I’ve just done a similar post and have a same age baby. Exact same situation, I could’ve written this. Feel free to message me for a vent or whatever you need. It can feel so lonely being in this situation

Wow Op being ambitious more important to him than taking care of his own flesh and blood. I feel for you he’s being a selfish twat quite a lot on dads, husbands on mn unfortunately. You just keep looking after yourself and dc. He might get his parents to help but I’m sure you can get a court order saying that if he can’t be arsed taking care of his dc then dc is better off with you, on the other side is you get a break yes you will miss dc but think of the times you will need rest and you time. Right now I would concentrate more on getting yourself legal advice for a divorce I hope he’s not met someone else seems to be the trend on here sadly.