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Original poster

Reasonable ick?

79 replies

Mondaybluez · 25/08/2025 16:43

Guy 39. No kids. Works for his brothers company. Lives in his mates house - his mate has moved into his girlfriends- so essentially his rent pays his mates mortgage. Smokes alot of cannabis and drinks alot and has recently disclosed to me he has no savings at all and is working off the books and has been for 10 years plus for his brothers company ?

No pension. No ni contributions. No stamp at all.

Am I reasonable to get the ick?

OP posts:
Harrumphhhh · 25/08/2025 19:32

That’s not the ‘ick’. That’s just a non-starter.

The ‘ick’ is when someone otherwise good (not like this one!) does something you find repulsive.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/08/2025 19:50

Yes indeed why did you even bother with him?. You may laugh but it is a question that deserves serious consideration.

Do read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 20:29

Mondaybluez · 25/08/2025 19:19

Maybe as self employed contractor? Or expenses? Not sure but I just know he doesn't

Show quote history

His brother is either processing the payments properly so that his wage or service is tax deductible, in which case if he ever got audited then your ex would be on the hook for tax evasion.

Or his brother is losing money in his business to support his brother who just fancies being off grid for no reason at all.

BalloonSlayer · 25/08/2025 20:32

Is his name Rodney?

shuggles · 25/08/2025 20:54

@Mondaybluez so essentially his rent pays his mates mortgage.

Yes, that's how renting works. The person who is renting pays the mortgage of the person who owns the property.

he has no savings at all and is working off the books and has been for 10 years plus for his brothers company ? No pension. No ni contributions. No stamp at all.

Even if you don't have a relationship with him, I think he would benefit from some brief advice from yourself. He should be advised that not having any pension pot or NI contributions is a very bad idea and he would be more financially secure if he was employed by his brother and paid taxes.

LividSquidward · 25/08/2025 20:59

You shouldn't have let this loser past the messaging stage. Come on now.

blacksax · 25/08/2025 21:06

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 20:29

His brother is either processing the payments properly so that his wage or service is tax deductible, in which case if he ever got audited then your ex would be on the hook for tax evasion.

Or his brother is losing money in his business to support his brother who just fancies being off grid for no reason at all.

Show quote history

If you are knowingly allowing or assisting an idividual to evade tax, then the law holds you accountable too.

In the OP's shoes, I'd be making a little anonymous call to HMRC. This is fraud and tax evasion, pure and simple.

EarthSight · 25/08/2025 21:17

itbemay1 · 25/08/2025 16:46

Run

This.

There are so many red flags here.

Drug & addiction issues
Shit with money & saving
Bad sex
Working illegally for years

A lot of women would have run in the other direction at just one of those!!

Original poster
Mondaybluez · 26/08/2025 00:46

blacksax · 25/08/2025 21:06

If you are knowingly allowing or assisting an idividual to evade tax, then the law holds you accountable too.

In the OP's shoes, I'd be making a little anonymous call to HMRC. This is fraud and tax evasion, pure and simple.

Show quote history

God really? I didn't know that...can you report it totally anonymously?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 26/08/2025 00:49

shuggles · 25/08/2025 20:54

@Mondaybluez so essentially his rent pays his mates mortgage.

Yes, that's how renting works. The person who is renting pays the mortgage of the person who owns the property.

he has no savings at all and is working off the books and has been for 10 years plus for his brothers company ? No pension. No ni contributions. No stamp at all.

Even if you don't have a relationship with him, I think he would benefit from some brief advice from yourself. He should be advised that not having any pension pot or NI contributions is a very bad idea and he would be more financially secure if he was employed by his brother and paid taxes.

I mean...
His mate left and left his whole house there plates cups cutlery everything....bed bedding etc etc and he just moved in and has absolutely nothing of his own...I know how renting works I'm renting I didn't explain it well enough

I did try my best to give him this advice, he response was "nah I'd loose too much on tax and stuff but I'll have a look into it" he wont

OP posts:
Original poster
Mondaybluez · 26/08/2025 00:50

Onthebusses · 25/08/2025 20:29

His brother is either processing the payments properly so that his wage or service is tax deductible, in which case if he ever got audited then your ex would be on the hook for tax evasion.

Or his brother is losing money in his business to support his brother who just fancies being off grid for no reason at all.

Show quote history

I'd say the first option....

His brother from what I heard wouldn't loose money from the business as he also has a business partner who isn't related ...

OP posts:
Onthebusses · 26/08/2025 06:49

Mondaybluez · 26/08/2025 00:50

I'd say the first option....

His brother from what I heard wouldn't loose money from the business as he also has a business partner who isn't related ...

Show quote history

So this man is just reckless enough to risk imprisonment. I know the type.

Zanatdy · 26/08/2025 06:52

I’d have the ick for sure.

blacksax · 26/08/2025 16:11

Mondaybluez · 26/08/2025 00:46

God really? I didn't know that...can you report it totally anonymously?

Show quote history

Yes you can. Nobody would report anyone otherwise!

VickyEadieofThigh · 26/08/2025 16:45

Mondaybluez · 25/08/2025 16:43

Guy 39. No kids. Works for his brothers company. Lives in his mates house - his mate has moved into his girlfriends- so essentially his rent pays his mates mortgage. Smokes alot of cannabis and drinks alot and has recently disclosed to me he has no savings at all and is working off the books and has been for 10 years plus for his brothers company ?

No pension. No ni contributions. No stamp at all.

Am I reasonable to get the ick?

I think "ick" is an understatement.

You can do much, much better.

ConstitutionHill · 26/08/2025 17:50

OK for a FWB I guess?

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 26/08/2025 18:02

I was alright up until the cannabis part and then it all further downhill from there 😂

I would not be keen

TheAvidWriter · 26/08/2025 18:59

yeah that would be a hard pass for me.

A middle aged man who is living like he is dying tomorrow is hardly going to show up for you in the future.

I would be kind of happy with myself for having let this one go, it shows that you are aware of your own needs and you are also showing up for yourself here.

What he is probably after is someone who will safe him, with all things, money, laundry, money, dinners, money then sex, and then will moan to you for not doing enough for him, then he wants more money.

Then, further into the relationship he will take half your furniture if not all, and the TV, take your shared savings, that will mainly have been your contribution, and blame you for him having to find a better woman who looks after him better. I promise.

Run at the same time pat yourself on the shoulders here for getting the ick.

superplumb · 26/08/2025 21:23

Mondaybluez · 25/08/2025 16:43

Guy 39. No kids. Works for his brothers company. Lives in his mates house - his mate has moved into his girlfriends- so essentially his rent pays his mates mortgage. Smokes alot of cannabis and drinks alot and has recently disclosed to me he has no savings at all and is working off the books and has been for 10 years plus for his brothers company ?

No pension. No ni contributions. No stamp at all.

Am I reasonable to get the ick?

And hes 39!! Ffs when are these men goijg yo grow up.

Op run for the hills. Hes a loser.

Brothisbest · 28/08/2025 15:00

He has no kids (thankfully) but do you Op?

Original poster
Mondaybluez · 29/08/2025 16:02

Brothisbest · 28/08/2025 15:00

He has no kids (thankfully) but do you Op?

He has no children and doesn't want them. I do have dcs

OP posts:
Laxonaweekend · 30/08/2025 19:31

Mondaybluez · 29/08/2025 16:02

He has no children and doesn't want them. I do have dcs

Show quote history

And you’re even engaging with some one like this?? Let alone in a relationship with.

I mean…. Well, it’s depressing really to think of any kids involved with anyone in this scenario

AgentJohnson · 30/08/2025 19:57

Not wanting to date someone is reason enough, you don’t need an excuse not to date or to continue dating someone. Why on earth would you possibly be seen as a cow?

AgentJohnson · 30/08/2025 19:59

And why would renting and not owning your home would be a negative? I am 53 and rent but thankfully I live on mainland Europe where owning your own home isn’t seen as the holy grail.

gamerchick · 30/08/2025 20:07

I couldn't. It's going to bite him on the arse when retirement happens. That's not to mention the other stuff.

You can only coast for so long.

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