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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fucking hate him

72 replies

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 22/08/2025 21:37

I want to scream.
my H of 21 yrs has formed a friendship with a woman at work. I told him last year I was uncomfortable with how the friendship was forming and he assured me I was the most important thing to him and he would go no contact with her. I was left feeling content and happy. Fast forward to now, her name pops up on his phone, so naturally I asked what’s going on there. He says they’re friends and nothing more and that he doesn’t feel ‘free’ when I demand he has no friends that are women.
i told him I don’t care if he has friends that are women but I do with her and we spoke of it last year. He said he likes her friendship and he wants to keep it.

he’s literally stopped me having male friends throughout all our time together, I purposely have never made any small talk or chatted to other men as I knew how he would feel and because his feelings were more important to me. So it was an easy thing to do to.

i read his messages to her, giving her support, taking time out of his busy work day to have a quick 5 mins catch up with her. Her dumping all her problems on him and him being so fucking supportive of her.

he does nothing like that for me, he’ll dismiss me when I want to talk, ignores me, never tells me I’m beautiful yet he’s telling this woman she’s a 9.8!

im done with him, whatever he says means nothing now, the trust has gone.
I’m just filled with anger that like a mug I stayed true and loyal to him whilst he was getting his kicks with a woman 10 yrs younger than him.

i know I need to look at the positives as throughout our relationship I always felt I was walking on eggshells. I knew I was unhappy in this marriage but tried to make it work for the kids. Now I know I need to suck it up and face reality and leave the fucker.

OP posts:
Subwaystop · 22/08/2025 21:40

Good you’re angry! He’s walking all over you. The gall to tell another woman she’s a 9.8. Yuk

SlieveMiskish · 22/08/2025 21:41

I’m sorry you are going through this it.. I’m sure there are wiser people with more advice than me, but hugs, 🥰, I hope things improve in life for you..

TwistedWonder · 22/08/2025 21:41

I bet she’d at least a decade younger - they’re so fucking predictable

Its good you’ve found your anger and you’re not making excuses for him being a controlling hypocritical lying cunt.

Ohlifelife · 22/08/2025 21:58

he’s telling this woman she’s a 9.8

I can't get past this: rating women as though they are prize cattle. It's a throw back to the appalling so called " Beauty contests" where women were paraded around so men could judge them.
It says a lot about this OW if your H said this to her and she took it as a compliment. I'd have been disgusted and outraged!

I'm so sorry OP that you are going through this. What a devious bastard making you believe he had cut contact with her but all the time pursuing his relationship with her. Absolutely no way you could ever trust or respect him ameer again.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 22/08/2025 21:59

Life is far too short to waste living with a man who doesn't listen to how you feel and react accordingly. It's not the friendship you're querying, it's how deep the friendship is and where it might go.

Anyway, he's too busy getting his ego stroked rather than doing the right thing by his wife and family so fuck him. Absolutely 💯 Leave the Bastard and live happily ever after ❤️

JLou08 · 22/08/2025 22:12

I think you not talking to other men is the main issue here. That is massively controlling. Do you mean literally no men at all? So you wouldn't have a chat with a male colleague or a male shop assistant? The walking on egg shells sounds like you were under his control too.

WalkingaroundJardine · 22/08/2025 22:13

I hope you told him that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander and that male friendships for you are now something he will no longer object to.

His ranking score of this woman is horrible. I just don’t understand why women receiving this type of flattery don’t have their ick bells clanging. It would totally put me off.

Notmyreality · 22/08/2025 22:15

Im sorry but you stopped making small
talk or chatting to men, like at all? how is that even possible? I mean it’s one thing not to have male friends but quite another to avoid any male interaction at all??

TheSilentSister · 22/08/2025 22:23

He's crossed a line OP. You know that. What are you going to do? Are you in a position to split? Weigh up your options, get your ducks in a row.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 22/08/2025 22:25

What are you going to do now?

pippapipps · 22/08/2025 22:34

Absolute bastard how dare he score a woman 😡 and how dare he be so disrespectful to his wife..fucking men again
You bide your time op and LTB just get everything in order.. and karma is a bitch

Disturbia81 · 22/08/2025 22:38

Yep the scoring, and yes of course she’s younger. Prick. You need to get close to a younger man and let him feel shit.
There is nothing wrong with opposite sex friends but if something feel wrong then it does..

kxltf · 22/08/2025 23:08

it won’t be long till he’s getting in her pants , he knows how to play the game .. sadly .. men and women can’t be friends

Branleuse · 22/08/2025 23:10

Not surprised youre angry. What a slimy hypocrite

DBSFstupid · 22/08/2025 23:25

TwistedWonder · 22/08/2025 21:41

I bet she’d at least a decade younger - they’re so fucking predictable

Its good you’ve found your anger and you’re not making excuses for him being a controlling hypocritical lying cunt.

😂

NOresponsibility · 22/08/2025 23:26

You both sound toxic bad as each other why dont you split divorce and move on so you can both live in peace.

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 22/08/2025 23:27

Thanks for all your replies, god knows I’ve needed them right now.

to answer your question about me having male friends. I made one really genuine friend who was male and he went ballistic, it was purely platonic, literally how I talk to my girlfriends that’s how him and I would speak, but H didn’t like that, told me it wasn’t right as a married woman. Since then I’ve made sure not to have any male friends out of respect.
in front of his friends he would always try and embarrass me, make me look stupid.

i feel like such a twat believing all his bullshit.

i know this sounds petty but when all this has cooled down I’m thinking of getting in touch with one of his friends who I know has always had a soft spot for me or meet someone online purely for sex.
would love to just get revenge on him!

hes the only guy I’ve ever slept with so I need that fixed right away 🤣

right now I’m not in the headspace to be the bigger person, I feel like blowing it all up and then I’ll make my peace with it.

OP posts:
AMurderofMurderingCrows · 22/08/2025 23:41

NOresponsibility · 22/08/2025 23:26

You both sound toxic bad as each other why dont you split divorce and move on so you can both live in peace.

I think you have posted on the wrong thread.

This one is about a 'toxic' man only.

GrumblyHedge · 22/08/2025 23:49

NOresponsibility · 22/08/2025 23:26

You both sound toxic bad as each other why dont you split divorce and move on so you can both live in peace.

One on every thread 🙄

Marianna95 · 23/08/2025 00:18

Subwaystop · 22/08/2025 21:40

Good you’re angry! He’s walking all over you. The gall to tell another woman she’s a 9.8. Yuk

Absolutely. And I bet my bottom dollar she isn't. I don't agree with those kind of rating scales, but my point is that she won't be any kind of goddess. Men like this are easily impressed.

OP, the trash took itself out. Move on and don't look back.

Marianna95 · 23/08/2025 00:19

kxltf · 22/08/2025 23:08

it won’t be long till he’s getting in her pants , he knows how to play the game .. sadly .. men and women can’t be friends

What if there's a very big age gap between them though, and the woman is also a friend of the man's wife?

happyLittleAG · 23/08/2025 00:36

I'm sorry, but that's not normal at all; that's definitely flirting (and probably cheating) with another woman. Plus he lied to you about going no contact with her. You need to confront him and give him an ultimatum: drop this woman or it's over.

springruns · 23/08/2025 08:49

Yeah I wouldn’t be happy with that. Have you asked him to leave?

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 09:14

We spoke late last night and he was apologetic and is now saying he will cut contact. I’ve told him it’s too little too late as the trust is gone.

knowing him he’ll cut contact with her for a little while then start it back up again and be more devious at hiding it.

i can’t be living like that, if i stay with him I’ll always be doubting him, insecure etc. the trust has well and truly gone.

today I’ll be figuring out our living situation and think rationally what works best for the kids.

OP posts:
Ohlifelife · 23/08/2025 09:24

Horrible for you OP but you are right. He has broken your trust.
You are doing the right thing .

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