Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I fucking hate him

72 replies

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 22/08/2025 21:37

I want to scream.
my H of 21 yrs has formed a friendship with a woman at work. I told him last year I was uncomfortable with how the friendship was forming and he assured me I was the most important thing to him and he would go no contact with her. I was left feeling content and happy. Fast forward to now, her name pops up on his phone, so naturally I asked what’s going on there. He says they’re friends and nothing more and that he doesn’t feel ‘free’ when I demand he has no friends that are women.
i told him I don’t care if he has friends that are women but I do with her and we spoke of it last year. He said he likes her friendship and he wants to keep it.

he’s literally stopped me having male friends throughout all our time together, I purposely have never made any small talk or chatted to other men as I knew how he would feel and because his feelings were more important to me. So it was an easy thing to do to.

i read his messages to her, giving her support, taking time out of his busy work day to have a quick 5 mins catch up with her. Her dumping all her problems on him and him being so fucking supportive of her.

he does nothing like that for me, he’ll dismiss me when I want to talk, ignores me, never tells me I’m beautiful yet he’s telling this woman she’s a 9.8!

im done with him, whatever he says means nothing now, the trust has gone.
I’m just filled with anger that like a mug I stayed true and loyal to him whilst he was getting his kicks with a woman 10 yrs younger than him.

i know I need to look at the positives as throughout our relationship I always felt I was walking on eggshells. I knew I was unhappy in this marriage but tried to make it work for the kids. Now I know I need to suck it up and face reality and leave the fucker.

OP posts:
springruns · 23/08/2025 09:27

As you say too little too late and the trust has gone.
i hope you’re okay OP.
has he got some where he can go short terms

FrogFalacy · 23/08/2025 09:32

I’m glad he at least apologised but totally understand the trust has gone. He should have been listening to your problems not hers! And rating someone’s looks is of course unacceptable and clearly shows he fancied her and she wasn’t just a friend. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Has he got parents he can go live at for a bit? Just give you space.

Anyway push that anger down if you can and focus on finances. Do you work? How old are children? Do you know the family finances?

rainbowstardrops · 23/08/2025 09:36

Absolutely too little too late and to be fair, he’s promised that before and has carried on, so why on earth does he think you’d believe him again?!
This could be the new start that you deserve.

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 15:01

I don’t get why HE’s angry now, literally speaking to me with attitude and rudeness and in front of kids also…can tell he’s going to make my life difficult. 😞

OP posts:
OSTMusTisNT · 23/08/2025 15:05

Hang onto that anger and use it to boot his cheating arse out the door.

Don't be taken in with him cutting contact, he'll just be more sneaky and continue as normal.

I would very much doubt there isnt more going on but either way, he sounds like a rubbish husband anyway.

unsync · 23/08/2025 17:03

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 15:01

I don’t get why HE’s angry now, literally speaking to me with attitude and rudeness and in front of kids also…can tell he’s going to make my life difficult. 😞

He's playing the victim, this is the narrative. It isn't his fault, you're the baddie blah, blah, blah. It's so predictable and straight from the abuser's playbook.

I'm afraid it may get worse as he realises he's losing control of you and how much he is about to lose. Keep calm and don't rise to any of it. Look up grey rock technique and use it when dealing with him. Stay strong, a happier life is waiting for you on the other side.

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 17:12

I’m not rising to it at all, especially with the kids around. I’ve taken myself out of the house and gone for a nice long walk.

im a sahm so I’ve got a lot to figure out in what my next steps will be.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 23/08/2025 17:14

He’s angry as you haven’t just accepted him saying he will stop the friendship. Don’t listen to his lies. As you say, it will change for a short time, then it will start up again.

Boomer55 · 23/08/2025 17:16

kxltf · 22/08/2025 23:08

it won’t be long till he’s getting in her pants , he knows how to play the game .. sadly .. men and women can’t be friends

Yes, they can. I’ve had some male friends for decades. 🙄. Platonic male friends.

LittlleMy · 23/08/2025 17:52

Yes men caught out often get angry when as a direct consequence of their own shortcomings, they’re no longer able to control their partner. Pathetic. Good luck OP.

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 23/08/2025 18:24

Telling some other woman she's a 9.8?!

Fuuuuck that! Be gone with you!

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 18:40

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 23/08/2025 18:24

Telling some other woman she's a 9.8?!

Fuuuuck that! Be gone with you!

Not once has he ever said I’m beautiful, or that I’m looking good. On nights out when I’m dressed up and I know I looked good, he wouldn’t ever say it. Yet I’d hear him say to his friend’s wives how good they looked and pretty.

im such a fucking mug.

oh and when I asked why he messaged her that she’s a 9.8 he said it was a joke!

the lies that come out of him are unreal. He says it with such a straightface I feel like I must be going mad.

OP posts:
SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 23/08/2025 19:28

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 18:40

Not once has he ever said I’m beautiful, or that I’m looking good. On nights out when I’m dressed up and I know I looked good, he wouldn’t ever say it. Yet I’d hear him say to his friend’s wives how good they looked and pretty.

im such a fucking mug.

oh and when I asked why he messaged her that she’s a 9.8 he said it was a joke!

the lies that come out of him are unreal. He says it with such a straightface I feel like I must be going mad.

Edited

And I bet you're really pretty as well. Tale as old as time, twat of a man gets a really nice woman and tries to break her spirit just in case she finally realises how unworthy he actually was in the first place. Dickheads. Hope you're okay sweet heart x

Pigsinblankets13 · 23/08/2025 20:17

The fact he rated her
The fact he rated her 9.8 - that's almost hilarious and speaks volumes about what a twat of a man he is
Well rid by the sounds of it - all the best x

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 20:37

@SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies
thanks I needed to hear that. I can’t believe I’ve let him manipulate me for all these years.
i don’t usually consider myself weak but I just feel so pathetic I fell for it all.

@Pigsinblankets13
when i confronted him last year about it, he told he thinks she’s pretty but that I have nothing to worry about.
and now he’s actually letting HER know what he thinks in a roundabout way.

OP posts:
SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 23/08/2025 20:42

Lookslikeimsinglenow · 23/08/2025 20:37

@SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies
thanks I needed to hear that. I can’t believe I’ve let him manipulate me for all these years.
i don’t usually consider myself weak but I just feel so pathetic I fell for it all.

@Pigsinblankets13
when i confronted him last year about it, he told he thinks she’s pretty but that I have nothing to worry about.
and now he’s actually letting HER know what he thinks in a roundabout way.

We've all been there mate. Honestly. Fuck him x

HonestOpalHelper · 23/08/2025 21:15

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 22/08/2025 23:41

I think you have posted on the wrong thread.

This one is about a 'toxic' man only.

Yes, but she posted immediately before this about contacting a male friend she knows has a soft spot for a shag, if that is even going through her mind at this juncture, they are both very much in the wrong space to be in a relationship with each other, let alone a marriage.

FridayFeelingmidweek · 23/08/2025 21:43

Affair. Demand on marriage counselling or leave him.

Gimpee · 23/08/2025 21:59

Don't live a life walking on egg shells. He doesn't like you having male friends as he is judging you by his standards. We only have one life so if something isn't right change it. He sounds like a minus 1 lol x

Rosemary61 · 24/08/2025 09:33

He rated her?! Who does these men think they are?? Let her have him.

letsstartwithlife · 24/08/2025 09:44

Lmao 🤣 these guys who say one thing to us but do the opposite. It cracks me up that they think it’s ok for them to do what they have told us no too! I’d tell him to go fuck himself and then say you need to leave. I had all this with my ex husband he was always messaging other women and being a complete sleaze but then sugar coating it and making me believe nothing was going on, then when I had an ex manager interested in me and made a couple of comments through a message he went ballistic and went to my work place and caused a huge scene infront of everyone! Was soo fucking embarrassing, but…… it was alright for him to constantly like other women’s pictures and put love heart faces on their pictures too! When I think about it now I was a complete mug for allowing it and accepting his shitty excuses! Don’t allow this OP don’t be the mug I was. He’s over stepped boundaries that you was clear about! Fuck him off the prick.

oh fast forward we broke up 5 years ago because the prick ended up having an affair. Sooo yeah there’s a perfect example for you. 🤣🤦🏼‍♀️

Jauntyangles · 24/08/2025 11:14

Please please don’t jump into a revenge relationship/sex. It will only hurt you more in the long run. May be have a look at the freedom program so you can avoid twunts like him in future lovely xx
edited to add
somewhere on mn there is a thread on something called the script which mine and now yours is singing from. Can anyone link it please?

Redruby2020 · 24/08/2025 11:21

NOresponsibility · 22/08/2025 23:26

You both sound toxic bad as each other why dont you split divorce and move on so you can both live in peace.

How is the OP toxic 🤷🏻‍♀️😳

THISnewbeginning · 24/08/2025 11:27

Time to get those ducks in a row op! Come on, you can do this 💪

Jauntyangles · 24/08/2025 11:39

Be careful though op Men like this a turn nasty quickly

Swipe left for the next trending thread