So dp has used chat lines again :(

[4andnotout]

Not even bothering name changing, im nearly 19 weeks pg with dc4 and have 3dd's of 6 and under.
This morning i opened the itemised phone bill which shows that dp has been ring poxy chat and date lines again.
Admittedly this was april but as i was pregnant by then i stll think he is being a twat.
He will come home this evening blaming lack of sex (once or twice a fortnight) and will try to forget it all.
This isnt the first time, last time i was pg he ran up £120 and i blew up at him, usual promises to stop etche loved me didn't want to lose me etc etc
I jsut dont know what to do, i know he hasn't been physically unfaithfull but it knocks me right back down, im good enough to shag once in a while and keep pregnant and looking after the kids but he would rather get his jollies from a voice on the end of the phone

i wonder if BT do some sort of block on those numbers, expensive prefixes?

for you. This is the last thing you need right now.

He's not your child, he's your partner. If he wants to phone these lines then he should be able to. But if he knows how much it hurts you then he shouldn't. He's also not particularly bright, I take it he knows you get an itemised bill?

I know he isn't my child but if we could all do whatever we wanted in a relationship no one would have one.

Not really sure what your problem is here - is it the money or is it that you feel he's been unfaithful in some way? are you upset by the fact he did it while you were pregnant, does that really make a difference?

Men (and women) masturbate! If your libido is lower because you're pregnent, doesn't mean his is and he does have a right to sexual release. Jerking off to a voice on the phone is just that - sexual release - and its a world away from making love with your partner.

Would you be happier if he bought magazines? Is it the fact that they're real women at the other end of the line?

Personally I think you should cut him some slack - so long as he's not running up debts you can't afford or spending time on the chatlines when he should be with you and the dcs can't see the problem really.

The money is not the issue its the fact that im here and would have sex but as he lets dd2 sleep in our bed how can we do it when there is someone inbetween us.

Blocking the numbers won't stop him, if he really wants to do it, he'll find another way of calling them. I'm not saying you shouldn't block them - but just don't see it as a quick fix because it most probably won't be. It'll probably make it even more attractive to him - you know how it is when you're told you can't do something.

His excuse of not enough sex is complete bollocks, he's not getting sex when he calls these chat lines is he? If it was more sex he was after, he'd be seeking out affairs and one night stands.

You need to talk, and raise the question of whether he is addicted to them or not. If he's spending that amount on them, and still carries on when he knows how much it upsets you, then that's not good at all.

Good luck x

??? A child or a relationship?

Did you want all your DCs? It sounds like he has made you pregnant against your will, which I'm sure is not what you meant!

I think you need to talk to him calmly over it all. Some people wouldn't mind their partners having a sneaky look at some porn/magazines etc . and some might say that what he is doing is not that much worse. I don't know- what is he getting out of it?

I agree that if it really upsets you, then he should stop- but the issue is you will never really know if he has, as presumably he could use a mobile?

Why is your daughter sleeping in your bed? How old is she? IS this every night? Why are you allowing this to go on if you are not happy with it?

it's not good for her development and it is certainly not good for your marriage. can't you talk about this? You make it sound as if you are under his thumb and everything that happens is down to his wants, not yours.

I want all the dc's and i meant that im good enough to keep constant but imnot good enough to give him his kicks iykwim.
I dont care about magazines etc or online porn its the fact that he is talking to another real life woman its dented my pride that im 26 and 18 years his junior and cant keep his interest. I have never refused him anything, and he enjoys our sex life which i always initiate i just cant do it during the day as all the dc's are about and at night we have one inbetween us (not my choice but another story!)

dd2 is 3 and yes its everynight. He used to work nights and she always slept in her bed no problems as i was the one doing bed time, but since he is home at evening he caves in and tells her to get in our bed, he favours her over the other 2 and will do anything to please her.

well what is the other story of your DD in your bed?

That sounds pretty important to me and something you should sort out for HER sake as well as yours.

Are you really saying he wants daytime sex when your kids are abut- but won't put your DD in her own bed at night so he can have sex then?

sorry- but it sounds really daft.

I think if you want to get your sex life sorted, you need to tackle the child in your bed first.

Oh how awful. Yu must be feeling terrible, very upset, hormoanl and tired of it all.

I think you need to sit down at the next best opportunity and discuss why he has gone back to doing this.
Sex twice a week is hardly depriving him, but perhaps you need to look at sleeping alone so he is able to at least cuddle up and feel close to you if he needs more of that.

The 2 of you need to discuss what you need from each other and promise to stick to that.

Co sleeping is not bad for development! What an irresponsible statement! But it should be a joint decision and you need to explain to dp everything you have said here.

"He does anything to please". FGS sake, having a child in an adults bed is not right- I am an educationalist and I can tell you that it is NOT good. The child has to learn to sleep alone and the parent is not doing it any favours by allowing that. It is really stupid- sorry.

You need to put your foot down, IMO.

Message withdrawn

I dont want to co sleep, we never did with dd1 and i like them to go to bed and stay there. He just wants to keep her quiet and if i put my foot down i have 2 of them being petulant, dd1 and dd3 both go to bed lovely and stay in bed its just dd2. She was his first natural child and he is firmly wrapped around her little finger.

I'm sorry Piffle, but it is. At the very least, it often means the child doesn't sleep well and is then tired all day. Emotionally, they find it hard to sever the bond. They have to go into their own bed one day- unless you are suggesting the sleep there til they are in puberty- or their parents' marriage cracks under the strain?

Olive have you suggested that he calls you for a 'chat' instead of the phone lines? maybe you could talk dirty to him down the phone and have a bit of fun (obviously when the dc aren't about )

Alson think that you need to say enough is enough regarding your dd being in your bed, tell him and her thats its not going to happen anymore

Sorry you're going through this Olive

FWIW I would be upset too.

I think you need to tell DP how hurt you feel by his actions and ask him to explain his reasons for calling the chat lines.

Agree with others that you need to be firm and not let DD sleep with you anymore.

Sparkles ye saucy devil...am liking that idea

Olive, I hope you manage to get things sorted

I would talk dirty to him and would probably charge him less than the 75p a minute
Seriously im going to have to knock the co sleeping on the head after the holiday, it would be nice to just go to sleep without a little body inbetween us!

yes especially as you will have another one in bed with you soon too

the sooner your dd gets used to sleeping in her own bed again the better or she will seriously have her nose put out of joint when the baby comes and you don't need that!

just phone him when you've got a bit of privacy and start doing it, or if not send him some texts