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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can my Ex tell that I am obsessed with him? Do you know if your Exes are out there and would take you back?

61 replies

DollytheShape · 19/08/2025 23:58

I am pretty crazy about my ex. We only saw each other for a few weeks and were no contact for the first couple of months after the break up. We’ve seen each other in passing a couple of times since then.

However, I am completely crazy about him. I honestly think he would be alarmed if he knew how much time I spend every day thinking about him, googling him and generally resisting the urge to text him. We have occasional text interactions (always started by me).

I think I am playing it pretty calm (no late night texting, no requests to meet up) but am I kidding myself? I watched a TikTok that said everyone can smell the energy?! What do you think?

OP posts:

HeronandChips · 20/08/2025 00:00

What do I think? I think you’re a whisker away from stalking this poor guy. Get some help before you’re arrested

oh, and just leave him alone

Original poster

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 00:15

Well, that is not the case about stalking. I am not turning up at his house/work/gym nor am I sending him pleading messages or suggestions about getting the relationship back.

We have had 5 or 6 short text/email threads in two months. (All started by me though) The question is - can he feel the energy? I am not saying anything weird or needy, but I wonder if he ‘just knows’.

OP posts:

blacksax · 20/08/2025 00:18

"I watched a TikTok that said everyone can smell the energy?!"
Really?

"What do you think?"
I think it's complete and utter rubbish.

Stop with the obsession before you turn into a stalker.

freerangethighs · 20/08/2025 00:26

Had you known him a long time before the couple of weeks you were seeing each other? Otherwise I doubt you know enough about him to judge whether he's worth another chance, even if the reasons the two of you stopped seeing each other have been resolved (if they haven't, you're wasting your time).

I doubt he can smell or feel the energy (I'm assuming he's human), but unless there's another legit reason you'd be contacting him he probably assumes you want to get back together.

Original poster

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 00:34

The reasons for contacting him are legit but when I look back at them, they are all (except one) started by me with him replying (usually immediately and with longish messages). They probably could seem a bit uneven but really not crazy so.

I would be mortified if he knew HOW keen I am and how much of a hold it has on me.

OP posts:

CaffeinatedSeagull · 20/08/2025 00:36

When you have crossed paths how has he been? And can the reasons why you broke up / things didn’t go further be overcome?

if he’s not initiated conversations via text he’s probably wondering why you’ve been in touch, and has at least thought that you’re still interested.

Itstwelveoclocksomewhere · 20/08/2025 00:42

I imagine he finds it quite flattering that you continue to reach out to him.

If he wanted you back, you have given him five to six chances and he hasn’t taken the bite.

To answer your question, yes he will be aware you are still interested in him. He will keep replying until he gets bored or meets someone else. He will then either ignore you or play games and with you both. He will be aware he can pick you up and put you down whenever he feels like it. The only person who will get hurt is you.

SnowFrogJelly · 20/08/2025 00:46

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 00:15

Well, that is not the case about stalking. I am not turning up at his house/work/gym nor am I sending him pleading messages or suggestions about getting the relationship back.

I think you need to get out more

OneNeatBlueOrca · 20/08/2025 01:06

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 00:15

Well, that is not the case about stalking. I am not turning up at his house/work/gym nor am I sending him pleading messages or suggestions about getting the relationship back.

I don't think feel the energy is the right way to put it. But by your own admission, you have started every single one of these conversations. He has not started any of them. Therefore, he will have noticed that you're the one trying to stay in touch. He's not stupid. Maybe he thinks you're just being friendly, but he hasn't asked you to rekindle things.Therefore he's just brushing you off or being polite.

I mean, I get it.We've all probably been there with an ex that we couldn't get over. I had a heartbreak a few years ago that I thought I wouldn't get over. I thought I was going to go crazy thinking about him i would replay our interactions in my head and go over our old messages.

When he ended the relationship though, I accepted, it said my piece and cut off contact completely. He would have had no idea how hung up I was on him as I held my head high, cut the contact off and left even though I was heartbroken.

At the end of the day, I didn't have him any more, but I kept my dignity.

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

He probably doesn't know you're obsessed with him, but he will have noticed you re trying to stay in touch. Is there a reason you don't want to move on?Was he that good?

Tablesandchairs23 · 20/08/2025 01:54

Where's your dignity. So being desperate and move on.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/08/2025 05:59

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

Hear hear @OneNeatBlueOrca

Op, you like this man. He is not reciprocating. Take the hint.

Find someone else. It is hard but once you take action in finding other people, you will feel a lot better and think far less about this man.

TheAmusedQuail · 20/08/2025 07:19

I do sympathise. It's very very hard, almost like an addiction.

BUT the only thing you can still get from him is either pity or respect. I'd try to aim for respect by having no contact with him. Do you really want to know that what he feels for you now is pity?

If you go no contact you can comfort yourself that the overriding feeling he continues to have for you is respect.

Endofyear · 20/08/2025 08:01

What was the reason for the break up? If you were only seeing each other for a few weeks and he broke up with you, I say this kindly - he's not interested in you and you need to move on and stop contacting him.

Meandmyguy · 20/08/2025 08:13

He probably replies because he doesn't want rabbit for dinner.

My boyfriend has an ex that was like you and he just thought she was a bit pathetic.

dollyblue01 · 20/08/2025 08:30

I think you need to back off now and realise it’s not going to go anywhere , if it was me I’d concentrate on me for now and sort my head out go the gym , do something to clear your mind and focus on yourself for a while, he has your number if he ever wants to get back in contact until then you need to let go and move forward now or he’s going to start thinking your abit odd and probably block you. Best of luck

Betsy95 · 20/08/2025 08:34

Oh no this isn’t healthy at all. If you’ve split up you need to just try and stop contact now and let him get on with it, that’s the only way you will move on.

ohbee · 20/08/2025 08:34

’A few weeks’ doesn’t even make him an ex. He is just someone you were seeing and it didn’t go any further. There was no relationship.

Original poster

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 18:19

I ended it. Nothing wrong with either of us - I was really busy with my DCs and one of his DCs was really struggling with some health stuff and I couldn’t take on his stress. We left on good terms - I doubt he thinks I would boil a rabbit.

But I wish it had gone differently. And I suspect he is busy being an attractive guy in a buyer’s market. And yes - dignity is definitely a consideration.

OP posts:

Lambtangine · 20/08/2025 18:21

You’re stalking him. Googling and stalking online is still stalking.

stop and leave him be.

Original poster

DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 19:49

Hmmmmm. Is googling someone obsessively stalking them? Think that might be OTT.

To be clear, I am not actually stalking them. I certainly haven’t made any attempt to ‘bump into’ him or do anything that would impact him.

My question was really about energy. Prompted by a TikTok where the creator said ‘People will always know your energy’. Obviously, I do not want him to know my energy.

OP posts:

outerspacepotato · 20/08/2025 20:08

Smells Like Teen Spirit is playing somewhere right now.

Yes, he knows you're desperate. And it sounds like he's not interested. Move on.

Damnd · 20/08/2025 20:23

He knows
He isn't interested.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 20/08/2025 20:30

Damnd · 20/08/2025 20:23

He knows
He isn't interested.

To be fair she dumped him.

It's up to her to ask for another go. He probably is wondering what on earth she wants.

TheTeasmaid · 20/08/2025 21:02

i saw my ex couple of weeks back and its been around 20 years since we were together but if i read the body language correctly it seems the attraction is still there. however we have not chatted properly eg facebook etc as they are married. if they ever became single then its upto them etc

MayaPinion · 20/08/2025 21:08

He’s likely moved on. You only saw each other for a few weeks so you saw him maybe half a dozen times? He’s polite but he doesn’t really care about your texts. Why not just ask him out again? Tell him you miss him and would like to see him. If he says no then at least you know and can move on.

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