Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can my Ex tell that I am obsessed with him? Do you know if your Exes are out there and would take you back?

61 replies

DollytheShape · 19/08/2025 23:58

I am pretty crazy about my ex. We only saw each other for a few weeks and were no contact for the first couple of months after the break up. We’ve seen each other in passing a couple of times since then.

However, I am completely crazy about him. I honestly think he would be alarmed if he knew how much time I spend every day thinking about him, googling him and generally resisting the urge to text him. We have occasional text interactions (always started by me).

I think I am playing it pretty calm (no late night texting, no requests to meet up) but am I kidding myself? I watched a TikTok that said everyone can smell the energy?! What do you think?

OP posts:
Shouldhavelovedathunderbird · 20/08/2025 21:18

He knows. At best he is flattered, at worst he is laughing his head off at you or thinks you are bananas. I don't say this to be cruel. A relationship breakdown which leaves one party heartbroken is awful. You do need to heal and tying yourself to him isn't healing. I have bitter, bitter experience of this and its the worst feeling in the world when every fibre of your being is screaming for him.

Googling isn't too bad but Facebook, Instagram and TiKTok leave a trace. If you are no longer friends it will see you visit his page often and start recommending you to him. Watching his stories make you look creepy and he will see through every 'practical excuse' text. What happens when he stops replying? Where will your dopamine hit come from? Will you use fake profiles? - they also leave a trace and stick out a mile. Do you visit him? Do you email his work address? Do you contact his friends begging for news?

A few texts/calls at the end of a relationship is understandable but it must stop. You are now essentially intruding on a stranger's life. You need to find a distraction and fast. If you stand any chance of getting him back, you need to come across as desirable. Read what you have put and imagine it was the other way round. You'd be terrified.

Radiatorvalves · 20/08/2025 21:22

I’ve been married over 20 years and have no interest in my ex. Nice bloke but he was never the one. Just found out he has transitioned, so I doubt very much he’d be interested in getting back together. That was a bit of a shocker - and I hope his or rather her wife and kids are ok.

Infamousnow · 20/08/2025 21:33

If you dumped him he’s hardly going to ask you out again.
If you want to, ask him out again. Otherwise leave him alone.

If you keep texting him he could sense you are interested, but he probably won’t risk trying to take it further as he was the one dumped. So it’s up to you.

namechangedforvalidreasons · 20/08/2025 21:44

@freerangethighs
Assuming he’s human 😂

He can probably infer, from the fact you are periodically contacting him, that you have not entirely lost interest. However, he probably doesn’t know you’re making yourself unhappy about him. I suspect, no offence, he ain’t thinking that much about you.

Do you think it might be worth talking to either your mates - or us - about why this is taking up so much headspace and why you’re struggling to move past this? I am going to guess it’s probably not really about him (seldom is).

Original poster
DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 22:03

Ah @namechangedforvalidreasons you may be onto something here. My IRL friend thinks I am thinking about him to avoid various decisions around my DC that I have going on in my own life.

OP posts:
IncaDog · 20/08/2025 22:16

Don’t be that person.

I have 2 ex-partners that I feel nothing but absolute pity for. Both of them are married, with children - and still declare me as the love of their life.

Sad little men. One of them sends me inappropriate messages occasionally, the other thinks he’s being terribly discreet but asks about me constantly.

These men haven’t been in my life for a decade. Pathetic.

Original poster
DollytheShape · 20/08/2025 22:24

Wow @IncaDog you do not sound neutral about those men.

My Ex is - thankfully - a lot warmer to me than that.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 20/08/2025 22:31

I think when you turn 16 you’ll feel much better

IncaDog · 21/08/2025 13:39

@DollytheShapeas individual men they were ok I suppose, they didn’t do anything to me. I didn’t do anything to them either - it just didn’t work. That’s the thing, there was no drama - no fighting, no anything. I think that has what shaped their opinion of me, I didn’t cause them any bother.

But their poor wives and children. That’s what hits me the most. Their wives are (afaik) nice women, they’re attractive and have good careers.

These two men have spent the last decade painting me as something I am not, I am certainly not the wonderful woman they claim to remember me as. Yes I have a career, I’m successful - but I think my lovely husband is probably quite fed up with me. Grin

OneNeatBlueOrca · 21/08/2025 13:42

Sidebeforeself · 20/08/2025 22:31

I think when you turn 16 you’ll feel much better

🤣

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 21/08/2025 14:01

"We have had 5 or 6 short text/email threads in two months. (All started by me though)"

Yeah, he knows.

DiscoBob · 21/08/2025 14:10

Can't you just say 'I've been thinking about how much I enjoyed your company. I feel I regret us splitting up. Would you like to give it another go?' Then if he doesn't respond you know it's a no. So block him. If he does respond with a no then say thanks and block him.

If you really do want to date him again no harm in asking. Once. Then leave it.

Gemini1992 · 21/08/2025 14:25

OP I was in this situation years ago. Obsessing over a man, we had been friends for a year but when we gave a relationship ago only lasted a few weeks when he practically ghosted me. I was heartbroken and thought about him non-stop, social media checking etc.

But I was also in an unhealthy headspace where I was convinced the universe was going to bring us back together, we were "twin flames" and that he could feel my "energy" too.

Then I found out he had long moved on and was with someone else very soon after me and I was so annoyed with myself I had wasted essentially 9 months fooling myself and paying Tessie the tarot reader 70b quid to tell me he was thinking the same!

As hard as it is OP, try to work on your healing don't waste any more time on this one.

Original poster
DollytheShape · 21/08/2025 18:38

i can’t really ask him out because the reasons for it not working are more or less still there. I am sure other women won’t see them as a barrier and he will have moved on.

Either that and/or he isn’t well. (He kind of looked unwell when I last saw him and someone less tactful than me said ‘Hey,[name] you’re looking thin’)

So my obsession is very much a private thing. I just don’t want him to be scared off or judge me. My interactions so far are pretty normal if a bit one-sided (I think) - it’s more I don’t want him seeing in my head - or energy.

OP posts:
DiscoBob · 21/08/2025 19:04

DollytheShape · 21/08/2025 18:38

i can’t really ask him out because the reasons for it not working are more or less still there. I am sure other women won’t see them as a barrier and he will have moved on.

Either that and/or he isn’t well. (He kind of looked unwell when I last saw him and someone less tactful than me said ‘Hey,[name] you’re looking thin’)

So my obsession is very much a private thing. I just don’t want him to be scared off or judge me. My interactions so far are pretty normal if a bit one-sided (I think) - it’s more I don’t want him seeing in my head - or energy.

You should leave him alone then. Stop obsessing over him. It's not healthy. Either ask him out or block.

Dogaredabomb · 21/08/2025 20:34

Sidebeforeself · 20/08/2025 22:31

I think when you turn 16 you’ll feel much better

That's very funny 🤣

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2025 20:51

Typical MN over-reaction. She's texted her ex 5 or 6 times and she's a stalker lol.

Careful what you wish for though. I didn't know about manifesting, but I supposed I did a lot of hoping to have him back and it's not that simple...

Gwenhwyfar · 21/08/2025 20:55

" I had wasted essentially 9 months"

9 months is really nothing.

Starlight7080 · 21/08/2025 21:02

Ok so maybe dont get advice or information on tik tok. Infact if you are taking things on that this seriously maybe delete the app.
And stop contacting him/looking him up online.
Probably best step is to go cold turkey and avoid him altogether.
It does sound like an obsession.
No he cant see your energy. He can probably sense you like him/needy . But thats something we can all tell about each other.
If this is all a distraction from something stressful then I fully understand that. I think we all do that to avoid stuff.

Original poster
DollytheShape · 21/08/2025 21:55

I get all my advice on TikTok - where else am I meant to get intel on attachment styles and dealing with situationships? Grin definitely cannot delete.

Yes, it might be an avoidance technique - the obsessive part - but I like him for sure. I do not want to disconcert him with my madness.

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 22/08/2025 00:56

DollytheShape · 21/08/2025 21:55

I get all my advice on TikTok - where else am I meant to get intel on attachment styles and dealing with situationships? Grin definitely cannot delete.

Yes, it might be an avoidance technique - the obsessive part - but I like him for sure. I do not want to disconcert him with my madness.

I've never used tiktok.How about you?Get off it and just use common sense

jeansgenie · 22/08/2025 01:11

If it's only been 2 months since you split then yes, he probably knows you aren't over him. Especially true if you can't stop messaging him. It probably makes him feel like you are quite needy and a bit desperate, so not a great look in general if you want the truth.

I actually changed my number after my last relationship broke down. I get exes on social media being sex pests even if they are married and I don't like feeling weirdly complicit in their bad behaviour, even if I don't reply. My last ex was still messaging me 4 years and 3 relationships on his behalf after we split and it was just annoying/predictable and very depressing. No I don't think he actually cared, it was about seeing if I was low enough to try again with him, despite his bad behaviour to me and every woman after me.

decenteringmen · 22/08/2025 01:13

It sounds like you're cyberstalking him, and you NEED to leave him alone and move on.

PinkFlloyd · 22/08/2025 03:06

I thought you were going to be very young, especially with all the Ticktock bullshit, but you have DC. Im lost for words. He was a brief fling. What are you thinking!

sadmillenial · 22/08/2025 03:38

this is almost certainly "limerance"

google it, have a bit of reflection/crying and then just put a stopper in it. Dont dwell on it, dont give yourself a hard time about it.