Too soon to Marry???

[Windywood78]

Hi, looking for direct advice. Im 46 and was single for years, like years and years! I've a 20 year old daughter and i'm very close to my mum and sisters. I spent a lot of time with them and their kids over the years. I started seeing someone in early January this year. He is a great guy and treats me and my daughter very well. I have spent most weekends with him since we met, either at my home or his. We have been on holiday together too. Since I met him I've seen a lot less of my sisters. One of my sisters kind of stopped talking to me and the other two have called the relationship intense. I can acknowledge that this is definitely partly true, however I think most people are the same at the start of a new relationship? My partner will be 50 in June 2026, we will be seeing each other just under 16 months by then and we are talking about getting married. I think my sisters think I'm mad. Ive never been happier but they are really taking from my happiness. I know I've changed and I'm not as available to them, but they are all married and have their own lives. I just need to talk this through. I don't want to talk to my partner as I don't what him to think my family don't like him.

I would be very careful, especially if you have any assets or your own house. Please get legal advice from a solicitor before you do. It sounds very cold hearted but I’ve just got out of a relatively short marriage and had to sell my lovely house and give him half the equity. Of course if he has the same as you it’s not as much of a worry. I’ve come to think after 2 divorces now that there is no real benefit to marriage unless you have children. Why not wait and see?

My husband and I moved in together two months after meeting. Married almost exactly one year after meeting. Really happy 35 years on. Go with your gut.

Wait and see. Relationships have a funny way of panning out these days. Slow down.

Whatever you do, make sure you protect your assets. Take advice.

‘Marry in haste, repent at leisure’ is a useful saying to bear in mind in this situation. What’s the rush?

Slooooow down!
7 months and talk of marriage-madness

Who is pushing for it?
If it's him be very wary

Ps this is the second thread where F&F have concerns -always listen to them

Why do you want to get married though after less than 16 months?

Why not move in together at that point and then marry a few years later?

I think they may just be upset that you're not as available as you once were. Have they spent time with you and your partner?

I wouldn't even consider marriage until you've been together a year, and in that time I would want to make sure we had both spent time with each other's friends and family.

Does he have children? A house? What is he like with his friends and family?

I'm assuming you were not in your 40s 35 years ago. The OP is in a very different position.

You have a lot more to lose as you get older. Also the OP has a DD to consider.

Many women have married in haste 'following their hearts' and have lived to regret it.

Slow down OP there's no need to rush. Please don't jump straight to thinking your family resent your happiness, they are just looking out for you and talking sense.

There's really no need to be married these days if you've got kids from a previous relationship.

Take off the rose tinted spectacles and slow down.

It's too soon to think of marriage.

Red flags all over this.

Since I met him I've seen a lot less of my sisters. One of my sisters kind of stopped talking to me and the other two have called the relationship intense. I can acknowledge that this is definitely partly true, however I think most people are the same at the start of a new relationship

I don’t think a new relationship should take you away from the people in your life. It’s exciting to have a boyfriend but I would want time with him to fit around my other commitments. Not entirely perhaps but I wouldn’t drop people, partly because that’s a crappy thing to do but also it’s not sustainable. Also it might well be love bombing which seldom goes well

I suspect your sister saying it’s “intense” is a delicate way of saying she sees red flags…

There’s not a chance I’d marry anyone I’d known for so little a time, and particularly not if people around me who loved me were being clear about having reservations. You don’t even live together yet - which is a whole different ballgame in getting to know a person than spending weekends and a holiday with them. Why the rush? Marriage has a lot of important legal and financial benefits, but it doesn’t sound as though these are a principal consideration for you, and it sounds a bit as though you see (or boyfriend has encouraged you to see) getting married as being about “proving” how in love you are to everyone around you and showing all the other married people in your life that your relationship is as good as theirs.

Forget the romance aspect of marriage for a moment. Think about the financial and legal implications. You have an adult child, who you presumably want to reserve an inheritance for - so that’s something you and boyfriend really need to hash out between you before you even think any further. You aren’t young things building a life together, and his reaction to you saying so and that you will still want e.g. wills and property ownership to reflect that might be quite telling.

So much depends. Does he have assets - a house? Savings? A good job? Does he have children? Have you spent much time living together already? How does he react when you say 'no'? Who is driving the talk of marriage; you or him? Does he sometimes seem 'too good to be true'?

I'd also say slow down. I doubt you're planning to start a family so what's the rush?

I got married very quickly very young and we are still married. However if I was single now with assets I would be more wary and certainly ensure that I protected those assets. I think if you were single a long time then the dynamics with your sisters will change now you have a partner but they should be happy for you. I think after 16 months then getting married is not uncommon but make sure you protect yourself and your dd.

Safeguard your assets! And even if it were to work out, make sure that if you die, only your daughter will inherit from you.

I met my husband when I was 42, and we married six months later. 30 years on and we are still together. Everyone's circumstances are different, and my late mother used to say of couples who had been together a while but not married 'after seven years, it's time to knit or split'. There are no guarantees in this life, so choose happiness now!

Yeah, I am very much pro marriage, but not within 16 months of meeting. I know some posters will come on here and say they met their husband on a Monday, and married him on the Saturday, and they're still blissfully happy after 47 years, but the reality is, that it's much more sensible to wait at least 3-4 years (and live together first for a couple of years. )

Truth be told, if I was middle aged and had been married before (and was divorced or widowed, with grown up children,) and especially if I had my own property, money, and assets, I would not be getting married again.

Or she could in fact be chosing unhappiness and financial abuse.

Its really not that simple and individual stories of it working out don't increase the odds of it being a good decision, especially if her family are trying to warn her.

Use you head OP. There's no need ro rush.

We are similar age and I can't for the life of me see what the point of marriage is at this stage. My adult children will always be my priority and knowing that they will inherit from me is more important than marrying someone I have known for a hot second who can jeopardise all of that. The legal side of marriage makes sense when you are going to bring up a family together or if you don't have kids and want to make sure the other person will inherit/be NOK etc.

@GinsBond that's why I said everyone's circumstances are different, but once she weighs up the practical side and finds nothing amiss, then why wait?

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm a very rational person, normally🫣 so I know that planning to marry someone after 7 months is a mad notion!
Why marriage, it's a good question, I guess it's something about commitment and belonging and I suppose its a traditional thing for me! Even though i'm not traditional and was an independent woman who didn't need no man for a long time😂. But i love having someone in my life who is mine, separate from my family. I love my family dearly but they can be intense, over bearing and opinionated. Maybe we are just head over heels and rose tinted glasses are still firmly
on!
He has spent time with my family, particularly my mum as she lives with me since my dad passed a year and a half ago. They get on very well.
There is no pressure from him, it was definitely a joint discussion but probably a bit more me if anything!
Its clear the general consensus is WAIT.

Why do you need to get married?