Too soon to Marry???

[Windywood78]

Hi, looking for direct advice. Im 46 and was single for years, like years and years! I've a 20 year old daughter and i'm very close to my mum and sisters. I spent a lot of time with them and their kids over the years. I started seeing someone in early January this year. He is a great guy and treats me and my daughter very well. I have spent most weekends with him since we met, either at my home or his. We have been on holiday together too. Since I met him I've seen a lot less of my sisters. One of my sisters kind of stopped talking to me and the other two have called the relationship intense. I can acknowledge that this is definitely partly true, however I think most people are the same at the start of a new relationship? My partner will be 50 in June 2026, we will be seeing each other just under 16 months by then and we are talking about getting married. I think my sisters think I'm mad. Ive never been happier but they are really taking from my happiness. I know I've changed and I'm not as available to them, but they are all married and have their own lives. I just need to talk this through. I don't want to talk to my partner as I don't what him to think my family don't like him.

After a particularly horrid experience with a cheating ex I didn't date for nearly 5 years. Then did a few months of online dating before I met my partner. I just KNEW. I started looking for a ring after about 9 months, proposed after about a year, and we were married less than 2 years after we started dating. Together 10 years now and I never knew it was possible to be so happy. Ignore other people's timelines, do what you want.

I have always said I wouldn't get married again, however if I did I would be very much of an opinion that I would want to be very clear about what happens in divorce or what happens if he dies first to the extent I would want to talk wills, maybe a prenup (which isn't legally binding but you can use it as guidance in court) and any joint properties I would expect a trust deed in place. I would be really ruthless tbh as you need to be really clear on what outcomes you are expecting in the event it all goes wrong.

So what are the assets that you both have.

House , cash, pension?

@user1497787065 DH and I were quite like that but we were still quite young, late twenties and had no huge assets and it was about having children together. Young and old love whilst both can be lovely are not the same due to the more complex financial implications.

I don’t understand why you need to get married? You’re not going to have children together.

I can see why your family are worried. If you do marry him and you were to die before him your dd and your family will likely get nothing as he will get it?

You can move in together and enjoy being together without a bit of paper?

I wouldn't even contemplate marrying someone I hadn't known for at least 3 years. It's so easy to get caught up in the intense phase at the start - then reality slowly creeps in. Your family are trying to gently warn you to slow down - listen to them.

One of my friends got married after 18 months. Still happy 16yrs later. Just protect your assets and don’t give up family and friends for a man.

I got married after 14 months. Looking back, it was bloody stupid and whilst we lasted almost 10 years, and had a child, it wasn’t a very happy relationship. He was quite emotionally abusive.
had we waited, I think it would have petered out.

I don't think I'd marry in this situation. You aren't giving up a career to raise his children, you don't need to financially protect yourself. You've got children you presumably want to leave your assets to. I don't see what would he made better with marriage 🤷‍♀️

So you have a house you rent out?

Have you been married before @Windywood78 I can see you've been single a while before meeting, but it didn't mention if that was after a divorce or just a relationship. I do think it makes a difference.
If I'd not been married before then I'd probably feel similar and want to seize the opportunity if I was in love, my morals aligned, I felt comfortable, happy and at peace with my partner.
There's something about marriage for those who want it and haven't had it and as you get older it feels like it could be slipping away. You want your chance.

The reality is that as you are older and have a child you need to be careful to protect yourself, your assets, your child. Get all the boxes ticked.
Once those are covered then do what the hell you want.
No one knows how it will pan out, we don't know the reasons behind your families comments.
Is it that they see issues, is it jealousy as it was kind of nice you being the single one who looked after mum, helped with stuff. Their issues could be genuine or could be selfish.
I was with my ex for 7 years before we got married. Still ended up in divorce.
As long as you go into marriage being fully aware of how horrible and complex it is if it ends then you are being practical.
Only you know if it's worth a shot.

If you've been married before I'd question if you remember how hard it is having to untie your entire life from another person and whether you could be arsed with it when it doesn't really give you much.

Marrage is a contract, it dosent make you love each other more, it changes nothing. Divorce is a hassle.