ExH new girlfriend - want to scream

[pipersing]

I divorced last year after 28 years; thought I was ok at the time and getting on with my life.

Just been told ex has a new girlfriend of 5 months and I feel utterly heartbroken. These feelings have suddenly surfaced and the grief takes my breath away. DC have met her and everytime the mention her or the relationship I feel sick. I just want to disappear into a hole and shut it out.
I have early happy memories on a loop in my head and then I keep picturing him with her.

What makes it worse is he is making zero effort to see DC (teens) and of course they then vent to me. I am very careful to keep my opinions to myself but all I want to do is rage!

how do I get passed this? I feel old, ugly and worthless

I suspect that the new girlfriends had a bit of an awful time with previous partners. So a new boyfriend who speaks nicely, makes some effort and who has a job is miles better than what they had before. It may be that they overlook that he has children with a previous partner (or choose to believe him when he says the ex is “difficult” / “crazy”).

And if you really like a partner, it's easy to believe what they tell you at the beginning.
If he says "my ex was crazy, my ex keeps me from seeing my child" you're going to believe him because you want it to be true.

I met my DP's ex. She's not crazy, just anxiety driven and high conflict. All he said about her turned out to be true. She's vile, some people are. They have 50/50 custody though.

Thought I was doing well today until I felt a such a wave of sadness hit me I had to make my apologies to a customer and head to the ladies for a few tears.

pathetic I know

oh OP! That’s very hard. Just know that you are doing it now. That means you will never have to get through this again. It is a horrible part of the journey but it is essential.

Quick check in, found out this week there is a huge family party tonight where he will be introducing her to wider family. Our DC will also be there.
Irrationally feel like I’ve been airbrushed; thankfully I’m away for weekend.

Wish I could just move on

Reread this from time to time @pipersing

His new gf is welcome to him.

Yep, that's a stinger alright. I remember that happening & how it felt the first time. But you will survive it.

It's great that you have plans this weekend to keep you from dwelling on it.
He wasn't a great partner to you & she is welcome to him.

One thing is - you will never be airbrushed from your kids' lives!

You will not be airbrushed. You can be certain you will be at the centre of their story for a long time to come.

I think what hurts is that it seems like he is treating this woman better than he treated you, and making more of an effort in general in areas he wouldn't work on in your marriage.

However...He is being a total jerk to your kids. His kids. And he seems to be taking some pleasure in letting you know about his great new life. This is not the behavior of someone who is happy or functioning well. That's also not the signs of a happy new relationship.

It all sounds very selfish and insecure on his part, which is probably why he jumped straight into a new relationship. I wouldn't look at this as him coming out on top at all. In time, the novelty will wear off, he will have damaged his relationship with his children, and he will likely not be any happier.

I'd do my best to focus on making a great new life for yourself. It sounds like you are way better off. You got him out of your house, not it's time to get him out of your head. Let this play out...and while it does, focus on self care, whatever that looks like for you.

Thank you All.
Managed to mostly distract myself,’DC said party was good but I haven’t asked any questions hard as that was.

I am trying to focus on myself