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Original poster

ExH new girlfriend - want to scream

86 replies

pipersing · 14/08/2025 12:04

I divorced last year after 28 years; thought I was ok at the time and getting on with my life.

Just been told ex has a new girlfriend of 5 months and I feel utterly heartbroken. These feelings have suddenly surfaced and the grief takes my breath away. DC have met her and everytime the mention her or the relationship I feel sick. I just want to disappear into a hole and shut it out.
I have early happy memories on a loop in my head and then I keep picturing him with her.

What makes it worse is he is making zero effort to see DC (teens) and of course they then vent to me. I am very careful to keep my opinions to myself but all I want to do is rage!

how do I get passed this? I feel old, ugly and worthless

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 14/08/2025 18:41

It’s ok to feel like you do.
I guarantee that as time passes you will feel better again.

Leopards dont change their spots. As his new supply gets to know him she may see his true colours and be glad to be rid of him.

Meanwhile, do everything you can to distract yourself. Take time to heal and focus on you.

Theres plenty of social media stuff if you search to help you through sorting out the strands of your feelings.

The higher you climb, the better the view. This I know. 💐

notimeforregrets · 14/08/2025 18:45

People change and grow apart, maybe the new girlfriend is better suited to him at this point in time than you were. There's no point in sugarcoating and trying to pretend it won't last blahblah. This is just giving false hope and prolonging the suffering.
He is with someone else. Maybe he changed, maybe her boundaries are different than yours. Focus on finding someone suitable for you if you want a relationship and don't spend energy on the ex.
Kids are a different matter but that's on him.

Original poster
pipersing · 14/08/2025 20:33

cakeandwine · 14/08/2025 18:22

I went through a very similar experience, having been separated for a year and blissfully happy the minute I heard my ex had a new partner I was overwhelmed with emotion. Couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. Like you OP I was imagining them together and it was a very rose tinted image, of course I was putting two and two together and coming up with 10! After the initial honeymoon period, it ended, he was dreadful to her and she was very upset with him. Complete disaster that me and my kids all had to experience.

At times I did think that maybe we should be back together, minimised the horrible bits and blamed myself for being worn down by kids and work and not doing enough together.

It really did take me a few months to get over it and now the two year stage has passed since our separation I honestly feel like a different person.

I think it’s all the stages of grief coming out, as other posters have helpfully explained. Grief for the hope that kept us in an unhappy marriage for far too long.

This is me. It’s been 9 months since we divorced and 2 weeks since he told me he was seeing someone - yes he felt the need to tell me to my face FFS!

If it takes a couple of months to come out the other side I can do this.
One positive from feeling utterly shit and rejected is I have rejoined my local gym and am hitting it hard. Am doing anything I can think of to distract myself from disappearing down a rabbit hole.

OP posts:
Original poster
pipersing · 15/08/2025 10:51

DD just told me he went to a gig last night to see a band I’d been desperate for us to go to.
Why does it feel like such a kick in the face 😞

OP posts:
Peaceisenough · 15/08/2025 10:53

pipersing · 15/08/2025 10:51

DD just told me he went to a gig last night to see a band I’d been desperate for us to go to.
Why does it feel like such a kick in the face 😞

Can you ask your daughter to not tell you anything about him anymore pipersing? It’s just keeping the wounds open.

Original poster
pipersing · 15/08/2025 10:59

They are generally pretty good but the odd thing slips out especially when they feel aggrieved at not seeing him.

OP posts:
NeuroSpicyCat · 15/08/2025 11:05

pipersing · 14/08/2025 12:39

She is only a few years younger but has a young son. Obviously Ex will be spending a considerable amount of time with him

How do your kids feel about him spending time with the young son? How old is this young son?

Also do your kids like her?

NeuroSpicyCat · 15/08/2025 11:11

pipersing · 14/08/2025 15:06

After initial polite introductions to the GF our DC are now really angry at him and his rapid withdrawal from their lives. DD in particular has never been one to hold back when upset and has given it to him both barrels.

I suspect he didn't handle being on his own at all (especially without me to babysit him) and has gone head first into another relationship to fill the void.

How old a DD, what did she say, and how did he react?

It might be worth reassuring her that at the start of an adult relationship (honeymoon stage) the adults have to put a lot of effort and focus into establishing the relationship and getting to know each other. This is not necessarily a reflection of how things will be in a few months time.

im sure you’d want some grace if/when you find a partner OP?

Original poster
pipersing · 15/08/2025 11:12

She was seemingly ok but reality has kicked in and is feeling incredibly let down. She doesn’t say much about the son, just rages about her Dad and his lack of effort.

son is 6 i believe

OP posts:
Original poster
pipersing · 15/08/2025 11:14

Only DD has met GF and just the once. Based on one evening DD said she seemed nice, but that was 6 weeks ago

OP posts:
Jaduria · 15/08/2025 11:14

Get yourself on a dating app and go and meet some men :)

Seriously, it’s the best way to get over something like this. The distraction of some nice dates and sex will do wonders for your confidence too.

NeuroSpicyCat · 15/08/2025 11:18

pipersing · 14/08/2025 15:12

Cross posts. Bingo!
Also sure their attempt at playing happy families is at this very moment being rudely interrupt by raging teenagers messaging him every half hour!

Show quote history

Every half hour? Are they trying to sabotage his relationship? That won’t help

Original poster
pipersing · 15/08/2025 11:21

Jaduria · 15/08/2025 11:14

Get yourself on a dating app and go and meet some men :)

Seriously, it’s the best way to get over something like this. The distraction of some nice dates and sex will do wonders for your confidence too.

I really don’t feel ready for any of that, maybe when I feeling a bit better about myself

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 15/08/2025 11:31

pipersing · 15/08/2025 11:21

I really don’t feel ready for any of that, maybe when I feeling a bit better about myself

Show quote history

That’s the shit thing isn’t it.. it’s one of the best things that helps, hence why men jump straight into the next, but men fuck us up so much that we don’t want to go near them!
But you can start having fun without men. Keep gyming, get yourself out with friends, do some fun things like gigs or events. Self improvement in small ways every day
Don’t let him make you feel so shit and hide away in a hole.
Men are always on their best behaviour at first, they do what they think we want, they want to appear fun and up for anything. It’s fake. She will see his bad habits before long.

NeuroSpicyCat · 15/08/2025 11:32

Hold old are your teens OP?

Peaceisenough · 15/08/2025 11:35

pipersing · 15/08/2025 11:21

I really don’t feel ready for any of that, maybe when I feeling a bit better about myself

Show quote history

I was like this, couldn’t just jump into dating. @Disturbia81 good advice.

whosqueen · 15/08/2025 11:49

You divorced only last year after 28 years? That’s not long enough for you to have adjusted to your new life. You’re expecting far too much of yourself. Be kinder to yourself.

LittlleMy · 15/08/2025 11:52

YodasHairyButt · 14/08/2025 12:19

He’s still on his best behaviour with the new gf. He will revert to type eventually, people don’t change.

100%. My very handsome ex I honestly thought I’d won the jackpot ticked every box and I was amazed that reading between the lines it seemed his wife had left him for someone else and I thought she must be crazy to leave such a man. Lo and behold a year on, mask slips and cue unparalleled jealousy, spying and utterly unfounded accusations of cheating.

I understood then why after almost 25 years she had walked away 😑.

cloudtreecarpet · 15/08/2025 11:53

whosqueen · 15/08/2025 11:49

You divorced only last year after 28 years? That’s not long enough for you to have adjusted to your new life. You’re expecting far too much of yourself. Be kinder to yourself.

Don't rush into dating or a new relationship if you aren't ready. It could just make you feel worse if it doesn't work out or if you encounter crap men on dating apps.

Work on finding things that make you happy and fulfilled which are nothing to do with men.

Peaceisenough · 15/08/2025 11:53

whosqueen · 15/08/2025 11:49

You divorced only last year after 28 years? That’s not long enough for you to have adjusted to your new life. You’re expecting far too much of yourself. Be kinder to yourself.

Such a valid point. I think the fact that he’s moved on so quickly is so painful to OP. It doesn’t help does it.

DiscoBob · 15/08/2025 11:56

I am almost certain that sharp pang of emotion, almost like grief, will fade soon. But it's natural in a break up.

I remember feeling that way, a slightly different scenario, but my best friend chose to remain friends with my ex. I absolutely despised him and was at a loss as to how she could still want a friendship with him. Like I didn't want to imagine anyone liking him.

I hope you can try and focus on the positives in your future. You spilt for a reason. Try and distance yourself from your ex and his life. Block him and explain to the kids you're not into hearing about his antics.

Elektra1 · 15/08/2025 12:19

It’s really hard feeling that the new partner is getting the “better version” which, had he brought that better version into your marriage, might have prevented you splitting up. I’ve been there. I am there. The only way I’ve found to deal with these thoughts is to remind myself that my ex didn’t want to make that effort within our relationship, so our relationship wouldn’t have improved.

CruCru · 15/08/2025 12:33

Lighteningstrikes · 14/08/2025 16:47

If his GF has got any sense, she shouldn’t be very impressed with the way he doesn’t prioritise his DCs. It says a lot about him.

I was going to say something like this. I know men with children they barely see and who they seem to know little about (the one I’m thinking of didn’t know what A levels his son was sitting). I can’t understand how his partner doesn’t find that weird.

CutiePieOk · 15/08/2025 12:34

Aaargh

Cantsleepwontsleepeveragain · 15/08/2025 12:54

CruCru · 15/08/2025 12:33

I was going to say something like this. I know men with children they barely see and who they seem to know little about (the one I’m thinking of didn’t know what A levels his son was sitting). I can’t understand how his partner doesn’t find that weird.

Show quote history

It is strange. Maybe it makes the new partner feel extra special because the man is prepared to abandon his children for her?