Is it normal for conversations with DH to stagnate after a year?

[SeekerFinder]

I've been with my partner for almost a year (realize now that I put DH in the title but we're unmarried!!).
Recently whenever we spend time together we seem to struggle to find interesting and lasting conversation topics.

When we met, conversations were fairly standard, nothing exceptional (none of the 'hours on end, stay up into the night' type conversations), but not dull.
We never had the "fireworks and passion" phase either... which I interpreted as a possible green flag, or at least a neutral sign for our connection, as in the past, passion has indicated turbulence.

I was attracted to his character, his values and his kindness. He has a heart of gold. He is one of the most caring, gentle, thoughtful souls I've ever met.
As we got to know each other, we discovered that we share some quite niche values, especially things like homeschooling, values around health, religion/faith, traditional family values, etc.
All of which are things that men I've met previously didn't give a hoot about.
He is a fantastic friend to my friends, my family love him, and he is a wonderful partner in so many ways. I'm sure one day he will be an exceptional father.

However, we've never had those exciting, in-depth conversations... weather they be philosophical or silly. We don't joke around much, we don't often laugh together... and I feel often as though we are repeating rehearsed scripts to each other and trying to find ways to make them a little new/interesting.
I feel like I'm holding back parts of myself, especially silliness or weirdness.
It seems to be getting harder and harder to feel connected intellectually as time goes on.

It is easier when we have a few days apart and come back together with things to talk about ( we don't live together).
But if I stay at his or vice versa for a few days (and we both work from home atm) I find myself craving my alone time to not feel awkward.

I wonder if this is just a normal part of the process of a relationship maturing? Does it naturally lose that inspiration in conversation....
Do you find you still have things to talk about in depth with your DH after years?

For age reference, I am in my mid twenties and he is late thirties.
I've had one long-term relationship before (2 yrs) and a couple of shorter (< 1 yr) connections.
He has been in a couple of long-term relationships but never married, as he prioritized travel/work.

That’s good you’ve no financial ties with him.

I’d dislike dating a man who ‘insisted’ on paying for dates/trips and regard it as at least an amber flag!

But a ‘me problem’ is exactly why you should take it seriously. Ultimately, you only have yourself. Take things that aren’t working for you seriously. Not being able to talk to someone, feeling you’re trying to vary a ‘talk script’ to try to make it more interesting, holding parts of yourself back, never feeling you’ve had an in-depth conversation, you don’t laugh together, you’re struggling to connect intellectually — those are huge red flags.

He may have a heart of gold, everyone may think he’s great, and you may agree about god and homeschooling, but this isn’t the relationship for you.

No, being bored and stultified conversationally after less than a year isn’t a sign of a relationship ‘maturing’, it’s a sign of a relationship that isn’t working. (And it’s concerning that you think it’s a sign of a relationship maturing!)

(DH and I have been together since the early 90s and he still surprises and interests me conversationally.)

I’ve been with DH 15 years and tbh most of our conversations now are logistical. But I am 100% myself around him, and we do still have some interesting conversations but we are often making plans or going on big holidays to give us new experiences and shared memories to spark new conversation. Not out of desperation but this is just what we enjoy doing together and it gives us that freshness that gets lost when discussing what eat or watch on TV every single day.

I’d be concerned to commit to someone long term where I was holding back on being myself or where I was feeling awkward after spending a few days together.

Also we laugh together every single day and I don’t think I could stay if that wasn’t the case.

It may be deeper and be rooted in our dynamic itself, but still I'm 50% of that... and if I am the one experiencing the unease here, I feel it's correct that I should also be the one to check in with myself on what I'm needing in order to feel less awkward.
I think he genuinely isn't bothered by it.

except if something was bothring me about our interaction, DH wouldn't leave it to me, he'd be trying to help solve the problem. I agree with @PullTheBricksDown - he doesn't care really and he's happy with things as they are and the fact that you're not happy is something he's waiting for you to fix.

You say maybe it's the questions you ask him. What questions does he ask you? Does he remember you had that thing happening at work and ask you how it went? does he listen and care about the outcomes? Does he have anythign to add? Does he share his life with you - telling you about his observations when he met up with a friend he hadn't seen for a while? Does he share things he'd think you'd find interesting or funny? Do you?

25 years in and still have really interesting conversations about art, politics, the meaning of life!

I can imagine this, IF you’re connecting on a spiritual, physical level intuitively. You’d then feel known, not like you do. Sounds like a
classic case of looks good on paper but the spark is missing.

Together 30 years, and we never run out of stuff to talk about. Often have a good laugh about things too. Never a dull moment in our household.

”Well, in a big way it is a me problem... I think.
It may be deeper and be rooted in our dynamic itself, but still I'm 50% of that... and if I am the one experiencing the unease here, I feel it's correct that I should also be the one to check in with myself on what I'm needing in order to feel less awkward.
I think he genuinely isn't bothered by it.
He is a lot quieter than me by nature and not much of a blabber with anyone, whereas I could listen to/tell stories until dawn.”

yes it’s a You problem it’s a really big one if you choose to ignore the fact that, for no fault of anyone, you’re bored and uncomfortable in conversation. You’re right it’s not his fault and it’s not yours but it shows you’re not hitting the mark for each other.

almost worse again is he doesn’t feel that gap. So this is probably as good as it gets with him. You feel you could give so much more and have something deeper, more fun, more comfortable, would that be fair to say? But he thinks it’s fine as is. Unless he’s open to getting closer, this is as good as it gets.

this might be you and him “at your best”. Is it enough?

The reason that you're not having those conversations is simply because he doesn't want to. This isn't who he is. He doesn't feel a need for them.

What you do with that information is up to you, but be aware that in the next decade he's likely to become even more reluctant to change. He's a grown man, and he is who he is.

Some people are happy in relationships without truly getting to know the other person's emotions and feelings, but that doesn't sound like you.

You are so young, that age difference is huge.
That 15 years was when I had my most exciting single/ couple experiences.

You are trying to bend yourself out of shape to be what you feel a 15 year older partner needs.

He sounds like a nice man but that does not mean he is the right man for you.

Your gut is trying to tell you that. Listen to it.

Move on.

It shouldn’t even be like this 50 years in. There should always be laughter and connection, and you should be yourself completely. You only get one life

Eek just seen the age gap.. why on earth did you get with someone so much older. Be with someone on your level and leave him to women his own age

However, we've never had those exciting, in-depth conversations... weather they be philosophical or silly. We don't joke around much, we don't often laugh together...

OP, this man is as dull as ditch water and the only thing you've got in common is that you share very conservative values. I'm sure you can find someone better. It's not remotely normal to have a humourless relationship with no in-depth, fun conversations, especially after less than a year of dating each other! It's not even that you've run out of conversation - you never really had any conversation in the first place.