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Original poster

OLD - would this give you the ick?

60 replies

nocontactquery · 08/08/2025 16:41

Interested in if I'm being too sensitive (although I plan to unmatch anyway!)

Exchanged a few messages with a guy on a dating app - literally just about 3 or 3 back and forth each. We both work in the same profession which requires a degree and postgraduate qualifications (know this as we have our jobs on our profile). So he knows I've got brains.

Both (supposedly re him!) say we want a serious relationship. I'm late 30s and he's early 40s.

He's just sent a message saying how he's only been on the apps a few weeks then "You're ticking the pretty, nice smile and in good shape boxes!" (I didn't ask/it was an unprompted comment).

I've not got any revealing pictures on my profile at all - I have a full length pic of me and a few close ups and a few "doing things" - like outdoorsy etc.

I just got the massive ick and makes me feel like he's only looking for something superficial/all he's interested in about me is my "looks". (And, in fact, I feel quite self conscious about NOT being in good shape - and this might be what's triggered me a bit. I'm a size 12 but not particularly fit or healthy (bad cellulite etc and hate my thighs/bum). It's just made me feel like not only is that all he values but also, even if he did turn out to be a decent guy, he'd be disappointed when he sees me out of clothes and decides I'm not really in "good shape".

I've replied saying it sounds very surface level and I don't like getting reduced to a list of physical tick boxes so I hope he finds what he's looking for.

I get he was probably trying to compliment me (?) but telling me he has a tick box list and only commenting on the superficial just seems off. Especially as he would know my my job that I've got brains and I've also put other things I'm interested in on my profile etc.

Am I being too sensitive?

OP posts:
CeffylCoch · 08/08/2025 16:45

Yes I think he was trying to be nice/flirty

FlamingoFloss · 08/08/2025 16:47

I think he’s just trying to be nice

CeffylCoch · 08/08/2025 16:47

As in yes you’re being too sensitive not that it would give me the ick

FlamingoFloss · 08/08/2025 16:47

The other things will come if you get talking. Cut him some slack I think :)

No3392 · 08/08/2025 16:50

All he literally knows right now is how you look.

I agree that he was likely trying to compliment you.

MummytoE · 08/08/2025 16:51

All those brains and you can't see when a man is flirting with you.😂 It was a nice compliment just leave it at that

b0zza1 · 08/08/2025 16:53

What? No way are you being too sensitive. I would find this super unattractive. Makes him sound like an unreconstructed man.

thebraveryofbeingoutofrange · 08/08/2025 16:54

Would it perhaps be more about your insecurities rather than the ick OP?

Cinnabonswirl · 08/08/2025 16:57

I wouldn’t like it but I do think your strongish reaction is more about how you don’t feel attractive and so you feel he’s being insincere.
fwiw cellulite isn’t a sign of unhealthyness or anything else negative, it just happens. How can you match with anyone if you think after seeing your pictures they’ll be disappointed when they meet you?

SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 08/08/2025 16:58

It wouldn't give me the ick as such but it would make me nervous that he's judgemental on weight because I have the exact same insecurities as you re thighs. So it would probably put me off for that alone. I'd feel far more comfortable around the type of guy who doesn't give a shit if his partner gains a few pounds now and then.

Thingyfanding · 08/08/2025 16:58

I get it.
I do find that most men aren’t really interested in qualifications or intellect and are mainly looking for the physical qualities, initially. some might hide it better than others but I think that most are like this. Obviously, for it to progress into something serious you will need to connect on a deeper level but initially, I don’t think they care.

GreyCarpet · 08/08/2025 17:08

I think you're probably overthknking it.

It's a lighthearted compliment re pretty and nice smile and 'good shape' isn't a term that refers to appearances. It's a comment that commonly used to refer to 'reasonably healthy' which he has got from your outdoorsy photos.

He's letting you know he finds you attractive. That doesn't mean he disregards your profession, your education or your intelligence. But, if I'm honest, I'd feel a bit patronised if a man essentially complimented me on being a 'clever girl'. It would be hard to phrase that positively. Or in a way which didn't compare you to other women. Eg, it's nice to chat with someone intelligent. Or whatever.

YodasHairyButt · 08/08/2025 17:12

Nah that would turn me right off too. Clumsy attempt at complimenting you, but I’d think it sounded a bit like “yeah you fit the brief, you’ll do”

ForLoveNotMoney · 08/08/2025 17:13

I think this is you OP. He’s just saying you are a good looking woman! Take the compliment. He doesn’t know anything about you yet so can’t comment much more really.

I think you have been a little hasty but if that’s how he’s made you feel then that is that.

You better buckle in as you are going to get much worse!

Gettingbysomehow · 08/08/2025 17:16

That would piss me off quite honestly. I'd be inclined to reply...that's an old photo Im 20 stone now, I hope that doesn't put you off.

BrickBiscuit · 08/08/2025 17:25

He's certainly ticking the 'ick' box.

OwlsDance · 08/08/2025 17:26

I wouldn’t have liked it myself, but it doesn’t matter what others think. What is a turn off for one person, might be not a big deal to another, and vice versa. YOU didn’t like it, so just move on and don’t waste any more mental energy on him. There are better ways to flirt and compliment, this was a very clumsy one.

GreyCarpet · 08/08/2025 17:27

Matching and initiating a chat online is literally the papersift stage of the interview process.

You could count the number of messages each of you has sent on one hand and still have fingers left over.

He's literally just saying that, at this stage, he likes what he sees.

You must like what you see too otherwise you wouldn't have continued the chat?

This sint someone you've been seeing for 6 months who has disregarded your achievements. He hasn't been sleazy or asked for nudes. He's not called you beautiful or princess. As far as compliments go, pretty, nice smile and good shape are about as innocuous as you can get.

Sweetlikecocaa · 08/08/2025 17:27

The nature of dating apps are based on looks though. That's just a down fall of the apps and the way they work. Give him a chance OP and good luck!

Keep us updated on how it goes. Are you new to OLD?

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 08/08/2025 17:29

You are massively overthinking this. Seems he was just trying to be nice/a bit flirty.

Jeez men these days can't do right for doing wrong can they?

Don't flirt or play compliments its all 'doesn't he fancy me?' 'what's wrong with me?'

Flirt a bit and pay a bit of a compliment and try and be nice and they are full on and sleazy.

No wonder some people are still single if they are just so quick to bin off someone for a bit of a clumsy attempt at flirtation and trying to make you smile.

RaininSummer · 08/08/2025 17:33

It's a shame he didn't stop at nice smile. The other comment does make him sound a bit like a sex pest in the making though he probably was just paying you a compliment.

Pottingup · 08/08/2025 17:33

You’re absolutely right! It’s a really cringey comment and I do think it’s a good indicator that he’s not someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s patronising and superficial. He might think this and that’s fine but if he doesn’t get why not to put it in those terms then he’ll have other attitude problems.

DaisyChain505 · 08/08/2025 17:34

My God men can’t win sometimes.

Why would this give you the “ick”

Hes trying to compliment you whilst not being too much.

I would understand if he said you had great tits!

DaisyChain505 · 08/08/2025 17:36

Gettingbysomehow · 08/08/2025 17:16

That would piss me off quite honestly. I'd be inclined to reply...that's an old photo Im 20 stone now, I hope that doesn't put you off.

What a silly reply.

If a woman came on here and posted a thread about a date she went on with someone who posted one photo yet was “20 stone heavier” in real life, posters would be saying he was trying to deceive her and to never meet him again yet according to you it would be ok for women to use photos that don’t represent the reality of themselves?

This man merely complimented her to show her he finds her attractive and is interested in her.

DaisyChain505 · 08/08/2025 17:38

Pottingup · 08/08/2025 17:33

You’re absolutely right! It’s a really cringey comment and I do think it’s a good indicator that he’s not someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s patronising and superficial. He might think this and that’s fine but if he doesn’t get why not to put it in those terms then he’ll have other attitude problems.

Men really can’t win.

If this man in question didn’t compliment OP she’d probably be thinking he wasn’t Interested and was friend zoning her!

He paid her a simple compliment on her photos. He didn’t say how he was fantasising about seeing her naked body and all the things he wanted to do to her!