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Original poster

Are FWB worth it?

61 replies

everythingblows · 07/08/2025 15:18

NC for this.

I’m contemplating going down the route of FWB. Relationships are too much effort for me at this stage. The men that I have had serious relationships with tend to start dictating what they expect of me which gets tiresome and quite predictable.

So having had a detox from them for a year and now ready to start dating again I’m only considering FWB with the right type of man.
My criteria I believe is achievable; fun, laughter, good communication and fantastic sex.

For you ladies that do have a FWB what criteria do you look for in them and what makes it successful?

I’ve just turned 40 and I’m hoping it’s the decade of pure fun without the mind games and negativity.

OP posts:
MrsGuyOfGisbo · 07/08/2025 15:19

Watching with interest as currently in a situation that isn’t yet ‘defined’ but is how you describe.

jolies1 · 07/08/2025 15:24

Totally depends on your circumstances and what you are eventually looking for, if you are able to separate fun/sex from traditional relationships.

I’m your age and married with young kids, but if I were to split from my husband I would likely be happy with this kind of arrangement for a time as I wouldn’t be in any rush to disrupt my kids. An arrangement where I could have the odd date / adult company & sex would probably work.

They absolutely DO NOT work for most people if you are looking for someone for more than “Geoff is fun to have a glass of wine with and good in bed.” You can’t expect the usual things from a relationship like regular contact or commitment.

songbird3086 · 07/08/2025 15:25

Mmm I’ve had three…. First one I fell and caught feelings and he didn’t … last one he caught feelings and I didn’t! The middle one was very successful and still technical available if wanted but I think the key was the friend bit was minimal…. We can meet have a drink then we go off and we can go round each others houses but without being graphic the intensions are clear.

The other two there was more time… more activities like eating together and knowing a lot about each others life which I think bred the feelings developing and them failing

ObliviousCoalmine · 07/08/2025 15:29

I had two at the same time for about 9 months. 1 was someone I would speak to and interact with to some extent outside of that, and the other was someone I knew but didn’t have any extracurricular communication with. Both different types of people. Worked brilliantly, just don’t do what PP above says and end up with one of you wanting something that the other doesn’t. I also wouldn’t do this with a total stranger.

Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 15:31

I’ll be making it very clear it’s not a fuck buddy I’m looking for or a commitment of any kind. Looking for that sweet middle spot of mutual respect and both on same page. I presume rules will have to be put in place beforehand?

OP posts:
Nibb · 07/08/2025 15:34

I always struggled to find someone better than average in bed to be honest. For this arrangement I want 8/9 out of 10 in the bedroom!

Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 15:36

I’m with you on that @Nibb what’s the point otherwise!

OP posts:
Larose123 · 07/08/2025 15:38

PP @jolies1 has nailed it, if you are able to separate sex from love/relationships, it can work! As long as you're clear you dont want a relationship with that person & they feel the same.
It can be messy because feelings can change and thats the tricky part!

Let us know how it goes!

Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 15:46

With my past record there is no way on Earth I’ll ever entertain a relationship or ‘fall in love’ for the foreseeable.
I know the whole catching feelings can grab you by surprise but I think if that were the case then I’ll tell him or vice versa and end the fwb set up with him.

I envisage it being carefree, good conversation, dinner dates here and there followed by mind blowing satisfaction 😊

No need to be in contact everyday either.

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 07/08/2025 16:08

I think if there were that many men available for this kind of arrangement, many women would bite their hands off. So many single women would prefer this than a serious relationship but it is tricky to find someone you trust enough and find attractive.

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 16:09

That sounds like a good idea for you then! Absolutely no contact everyday, just like any other friend every now and then, maybe once a week is what I would do!

1983Louise · 07/08/2025 16:16

I've really enjoyed mine, he's 45 I'm 62, we've had a great time together. It's fizzled out a bit now but if it rekindled itself I'd be happy. No feelings involved tho other than we like each other but as per MN advice I won't be chasing him.

Elle771 · 07/08/2025 16:20

My only off putting thing would be them also shagging other people but then its probably not a FWB if its exclusive 🙈😅

Honon · 07/08/2025 16:23

I have this arrangement at the moment. I'd like to find someone serious at some point but I have a lot going on in life right now (young children, ageing parents, full time job) and I don't have the emotional or practical bandwidth for a relationship. I view my FWB as a temporary placeholder, if that makes sense.

I think FWB is a spectrum though. My FWB is a decent, respectful bloke that I enjoy conversing with but we don't usually go out on "dates", it's more just popping round to one another's house, so perhaps you'd consider that closer to a fuck buddy.

Iamfree · 07/08/2025 16:31

I am a bit older than you but I met someone and we are deeply in love but my decision is we don’t live together. We go on holiday with each other children and see each other regularly but I’ll never live with him. He loves my independence and adores me. My fear would be that a FWB Doesn’t really respect you sorry

Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 16:50

I feel like I’m a bit late to this game!

OP posts:
Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 16:52

I love the whole concept of keeping my independence, dialling up the fwb, and saying ‘dinner and sex tonight?’ 😆

OP posts:
DropOfffArtiste · 07/08/2025 16:59

I think the dinner part may be the controversial part.

Original poster
everythingblows · 07/08/2025 17:10

@DropOfffArtiste dinner is non-negotiable 😝

OP posts:
SoManyTshirts · 07/08/2025 17:20

I have had successful FWB in the past, The most common issue was that they did not like the idea that the relationship was not exclusive on my side, regardless of what they did or did not do with other women. The ability to compartmentalise different parts of your life is key.

They helped me to feel more comfortable around relationships after some difficult times, until I was ready for a monogamous set-up again.

Mysticguru · 07/08/2025 17:35

It can be exclusive. Just agree with each other the rules/boundaries

Larose123 · 07/08/2025 17:36

@SoManyTshirts thats so interesting. Why do you think that was? Did they catch feelings for you or something else?

Userengage · 07/08/2025 17:53

Before marriage I had a lovely FB. It was a booty call, the odd dinner or see each other on a night out with our mates and know that we were going home together for fabulous sex. No strings attached all. If either started dating someone else, we’d let the other know that it was done for that time. When that relationship ended we’d be back in touch. It went on for years.

We both went on to marry other people and haven’t seen each other for years, good times.

I think it works well if you are able to separate love and sex easily.

whitewineandsun · 07/08/2025 18:00

DropOfffArtiste · 07/08/2025 16:59

I think the dinner part may be the controversial part.

Yeah, I have a long-standing arrangement with a FWB, but we certainly don't have dinner before or after. That's not what this is about for any us. If I'm going out for dinner or having dinner in my home, it's a date. And I don't want dates.

The ability to compartmentalise different parts of your life is key. This is my experience as well.

Nibb · 07/08/2025 19:01

SoManyTshirts · 07/08/2025 17:20

I have had successful FWB in the past, The most common issue was that they did not like the idea that the relationship was not exclusive on my side, regardless of what they did or did not do with other women. The ability to compartmentalise different parts of your life is key.

They helped me to feel more comfortable around relationships after some difficult times, until I was ready for a monogamous set-up again.

I think men find it hard enough to get one woman let alone multiple. They know it’s easier for a woman to get sex so probably know that if you say you are not exclusive then someone else will be shagging you and they don’t like the idea of that! Very primal and territorial men.