Are FWB worth it?

[everythingblows]

NC for this.

I’m contemplating going down the route of FWB. Relationships are too much effort for me at this stage. The men that I have had serious relationships with tend to start dictating what they expect of me which gets tiresome and quite predictable.

So having had a detox from them for a year and now ready to start dating again I’m only considering FWB with the right type of man.
My criteria I believe is achievable; fun, laughter, good communication and fantastic sex.

For you ladies that do have a FWB what criteria do you look for in them and what makes it successful?

I’ve just turned 40 and I’m hoping it’s the decade of pure fun without the mind games and negativity.

I think “FWB” means different things to different people as you can see by all the different comments.
Originally I thought it came about to describe actual friends who hang out and also have sex without commitment and that's how I would term it. Now it’s become a catch-all for any casual sexual relationship.

Personally, if you’re only meeting to hook up with no friendship outside of that, I’d call that a “fuck buddy.” To me there’s less respect and no real friendship there, but most people lump that in as FWB too. And the fuck buddy set up can work well for a lot of people.

That’s where the confusion comes in. Everyone is using the same term but with totally different expectations and there isn't really a right or wrong answer because it's an opinion.

If you want to go down the route you'll need to be good at communicating your expectations of the term and weeding out those who don't see it in the same way or you can end up going down paths you don't want to.

I wish this thing existed more commonly. I am jealous that you had such arrangement that switched back and forth as and when needed lol ;)

Ideal arrangement!

I had one but my feelings got too involved so when he got into a relationship with someone else I backed right off but felt very hurt. I figured that I’m probably just not the right kind of person to be involved in that kind of situation so I won’t attempt it again. Much easier being on my own. Clearly it wasn’t for me.

From friends who have done it, it can be hard to find one. Alot of men only want casual/ons or they want a girlfriend. FWB sits in the middle and unless a guy is poly with multiple fwb finding someone decent and attractive who sits in this space seems quite challenging. My attractive friends have found that men want to seriously date them and when this is off the table, tend to close down to protect their own feelings. It sounds amazing and I am sure it is out there but it might take some time to find the right one(s).

I don’t like FWB. It’s basically men having their cake and eating it and women vying to be cool girls to please a man who doesn’t give a stuff about them.

What’s wrong with a nice relationship where you don’t live together, you don’t pool finances or share family stuff but you see each other a couple of times a week and go on dates and have good sex?

I had one. He was totally worth it - great conversation, a good laugh, some of the best sex of my life.

I can promise you - I wasn’t trying to be a ‘cool’ girl - I wanted strings free sex, an ego boost, and no emotional involvement. It was great and ended amicably.

I've had one a few years ago which worked quite well for both parties. It was a very care free time in my life. I was living on my own and just focusing on my career, friends and generally being social and doing my own thing🤣. I was in my late 20s and already had a failed marriage so I wasn't in a rush to tie myself down to anyone. Still, sometimes I was lonely and sex wasn't the only thing missing, I wanted an occasional cuddle as it's just what humans need sometimes.

I met a guy who was about to move abroad for work so there was a deadline on this thing. We had 3 months together and from the get go it was very clear that this wouldn't ever progress to anything serious. That honestly helped to stick to boundaries as we both liked each other but we had a conversation right at the beginning about expectations.

We never went on dates or did anything couples do. Never met each other's friends. We were just hanging out, watching films and eating pizza and snacks for the most part 🤣. Chatting about life and common interests and ranting about work and stuff. He definitely became a friend but we did share cuddles and affection and other similar activities 🤣.

It was a good time which ended with absolutely no drama. He moved away and I went back to my normal routine.

This was the only time I ever succeeded in having this sort of an arrangement. I think having clear expectations, boundaries and maybe even a deadline like I did helps to ensure that nobody gets hurt, but I don't think you can ever really guarantee it. Feelings may develop in a situation like that so if they do, it's good to be honest and check in with them again about the arrangement. I know a couple personally who progressed from FWB to now being happily married 🤣.

Very interesting. I agree with you.Thanks for sharing..

It really is the ideal arrangement. That's us now been fwb for 2 years. October/November was slightly tricky as there were bereavements and other life things happening that impacted on our arrangement and naturally showed some feelings towards each other as being friends it was hard for both of us to see the other person hurting but we worked through it and back to our "normal" set up again now.