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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Because you are heavy?

76 replies

mintycake · 31/07/2025 22:31

I am overweight and was telling my dp I was going to start going to the gym. He asked why, because you are heavy? I was taken aback I said do you mean fat because fat is better than heavy. He said I don’t like using that word but okay are you going because you are fat? I was very upset about this I mean I did say I would prefer the use of fat but to be honest I would have just preferred some encouragement. Now I don’t feel like going at all and feel even more self conscious. Am I wrong to be offended? He has apologised and said I don’t see you that way. Which I can’t get my head around because if he didn’t see me that way he wouldn’t have used the words heavy or fat. He is now in a bad mood with me because I am upset.

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 01/08/2025 17:27

This place is so weird sometimes! So many posters falling over themselves to defend your partners clumsy comment.

There was no need to point out your size/weight at all. You told him you’re joining a gym. He could safely assume it was to improve your fitness. He could have asked which one, does it have a pool, how often are you thinking of going, any particular classes you fancy etc.

instead he asks “because you’re heavy?”

I’d be pissed off too. In fact its exactly the sort of thing my DP would say/has said and its a jolt when the one you love casually calls you fat in a conversation, even if its one about health!

Of course fat people know we’re fat, we have eyes and mirrors and scales and clothes. Some of us just kind of wish our partners didn’t see us as ‘the fat one’ or mention it so casually as fact.

And re the nose comment, if my friend or loved one said they were getting a nose job, I would NOT say “because your nose is big?” I’d say “aww I love your nose, it suits your face, but I guess if it will make you feel happy and more confident you go for it.”

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