Experiences of relationships where everything went quicker than usual timelines?

[Jasnah]

Morning all. I am just musing, really, and wondering what your experience was like?

I've met a man on OLD. We've been together just over a month and he is honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me (bar my children). Kind, thoughtful, genuinely interested, fancies the pants off me (and I'm no model), really hot himself, earns well, handy around the home, clean and tidy, friends think highly of him, great between the sheets. I know everyone has flaws, but I cannot see a single thing that puts me off him. He says the same thing. Yes, we're in the honeymoon phase and yes, I know there will be snags eventually, but he genuinely feels like my "one".

Things are moving very fast between us. By that I mean we're going on holidays together in the next few weeks, I have met his work colleagues and am about to meet his family in a few days, we're planning out a future together. We both paused our OLD profiles by date 2 and deleted them on date 3, less than a week in. The L word has been dropped. It all feels natural, easy and like we've been going out for many months, not just one, but then we do talk every day and see each other several times a week when I haven't got my kids. It's so different from the many, many relationships I've had where I had to fight for every inch of commitment, and here it is freely given, and then some. There is no fight, no friction, only safety and comfort. No love bombing, though we're both quite intense in nature.

Has anyone else here ever had this? I remember reading on here some users were practically engaged after 6 weeks. How has it worked out long-term? Do you, sometimes, just know that you've met the right one?

Beware of love bombing!
That all sounds very fast, I’d go to town with the contraception if I were you.
He could be lovely, time will tell.

I'd be prepared for some bashing on here, 1 month is super fast for the love word. And in all honesty no matter how much time you spend together in a single month, you don't really know him, and likewise he doesn't know you. What's he like in a crisis? When there is stress? How much of his/your past do you with really know.
All that being said, I felt that way after a month, but didn't say it for many months and we're still together years later. Sometimes, when you know you do genuinely know. That being said, it took a while for his idiosyncrasies to show up. And he can annoy me in ways I didn't think we're possible! And I'm sure I do him. If it makes you both happy, go with it.

I haven’t had quite this but my mum and stepdad (mum was 55 when they met) were engaged after 1 month of meeting and married after 6 months and had a very happy relationship (sadly they have both now died).

So I think this can absolutely happen and be real but only time will tell if it actually is.

It sounds like you’re alive to the risks of this not being as real as it seems so it makes sense not to do anything yet which it would be difficult to reverse (we were adults with our own homes when mum remarried so very much independent and off her hands, which may or may not be your situation). My stepdad was fab; the relationship stood the tests of time and we all got on very well but things aren’t always that simple and very promising beginnings can fizzle out.

As PP said, make sure your contraception is watertight, as far as possible.

1 Protect yourself practically. Don't make any commitments that are difficult to undo, whether legal or financial.
2 Protect yourself emotionally. Don't fall further "in love" too quickly if you get to the point you can't pick yourself up easily if it ends. Save serious feelings for longer term relationships.
3 Protect your children. You are months and months away from being able to introduce them.

My partner and I met on OLD and straight away it felt right. It's hard to explain, there weren't any fireworks but it was more like a warm hug all the time. We now live together, 6 years later but we gave it a couple of years of living apart but seeing each other a lot.

If what you both have is genuine, then there will be no harm in waiting a few years before any major commitments. You have your children to consider too - they have to get to know him.

You may well have met the right one (or you might not), but moving that quickly is never right for your children, however perfect it seems and however much you want it to be so.

I had similar when I got into a relationship with my partner but we'd known each other as friends for 3 or 4 years beforehand but moving quickly still brought a few 'run before you can walk' issues with it - eg after living on my own for more than a decade, we moved in together after 2 years. I found that quite overwhelming and it still felt very 'rushed'.

Enjoy it just don't make any permanent decisions or serious commitments too quickly.

Marry in haste; repent at leisure and all that.

To be clear, my children are kept well away from him. I'm not even considering they meet him until well into next year, and I have also made it clear that we would not move in together for another year after that.

We're both financially stable, with our own homes, good jobs, no debt, so there are no concerns there, and we're both very clear about not wanting any more children.

We both have stressful jobs and have had a minor stressful situation to deal with together (not caused by either of us, but it involved us both), so I have a good idea of what he's like there. Yes, I am keeping my eyes open, and he knows that, too. But as I said also, I have met some of his friends and acquaintances and they speak very highly of him, unprompted.

Yes, exactly that. No fireworks, no rollercoaster of emotions. Safety and comfort, and a sense of familiarity I cannot quite place.

There are practical reasons why moving in together wouldn't be feasible for a few years anyway (mainly around where we both live, the proximity to our jobs and my youngest's school). And I am wary of getting married again, though he is the first person I have met who might have me change my mind on that - that I am even entertaining that thought again after my divorce is a big thing on its own. That, however, would be several years down the line, and only after thoroughly testing how he'd work with my child around (my eldest will have moved out by then).

I think when you know you know. Mine did end in divorce but we had dc and were happy and solid for most of the time. Nothing lasts forever.

Do you mind sharing what happened in the end?

There was someone else involved. As I say, nothing lasts forever, you have to enjoy the life you have. As you've already got children I wouldn't rush things in terms of introducing them , but it sounds as though you are both on the sane page. Enjoy it for what it is, make plans and see what happens.

Mine was a different situation as we were young (20s) and no kids involved.
I knew him from work. We'd worked on a project together, probably knew him about 4 months before we started dating...then got married 5 weeks later. Which is obviously insane, but somehow it works out. Been married over 30 years...

I'd slow it down deliberately to see if he's still interested or if it's just lovebombing because the speed of it indicates that it is. There's no gap for you to pause to consider the whole picture, just lots of feelings of love which can be misleading. You haven't had the time to pause, step back & review because it's moved too fast.

Stop, pause & see if he's still interested after a pause, because if he isn't then it tells you all you need to know.

I'd just go with the flow then. Don't overthink it and just enjoy!

It's reassuring to read of someone who isn't planning on introducing the children for a while given some of the shit shows posted about on here at times 😉

I met my wife in the early days of OLD. We emailed and spoke on the phone for a while. The night we met, we talked about marriage. We bought a house together a few months later and were married almost a year to the day after meeting. However, we are significantly sexually incompatible, and the signs were there early on (although she confused me by suggesting she loved sex when we first met, and even before.) We're very well suited in every other way but this is a major problem (even if she doesn't realise it.) I was utterly besotted with her when we met and, if we had a meaningful sex life, still would be.

Just watch out for any signs, and if the voice in your head tells you anything, don't ignore it. Otherwise, fill your boots!

I’ve experienced love bombing, it’s very unpleasant and incredibly manipulative. The consequences were awful.

I’ve also been blessed and later in life found my unique, wonderful match…we had something indescribable from the first moments we saw each other, but we were were sensibly cautious and became friends, then best friends, then partners. I was his from that very first moment, and knowing that was odd but also warming and joyful…there was no rush to do anything/everything, we were just always safe and secure in each other.
Enjoy but please, please be cautious. It does no harm, and may do a lot of good.

It was like this for me and my now-DH (very happily married for 10 years; my 2nd marriage, after swearing never again). I think love bombing (which I've also had) feels different, because instinctively you are aware that it's all too good to be true and feel slightly on edge for reasons you can't quite put your finger on. That feeling of safety and comfort is hard to fake.

My nextdoor neighbour also got lucky on OLD and they married and had children very quickly, and are very happy. Her previous marriage was to an abusive alcoholic, so she really did land on her feet and counts her blessings!

I'd relax and enjoy it OP, I'm sure if any red flags show up you will know what to do. Life can be hard, but it isn't always 💗

I had similar timelines with my relationship. Within a month I knew he was my one. We were long distance at first, and introduced by a mutual friend online. We'd met each others families and friends by then despite the 4 hour journey we'd alternate making every weekend.

Within 6 weeks I was making plans to move to his city and I got a flat about a mile away from his house at the three month mark. We were basically never apart from then on and it never really changed away from that honeymoon phase. We just slotted into each others life's effortlessly.

I'm very glad I didn't waste time faffing around at the start as it turned out we'd only get a mere 15 years together before he died. That was 18 months ago. I doubt I'll ever find a relationship that effortless again. It truly always felt like he was just the other half of me. We always knew exactly how the other one was feeling without being asked.

The speed screams love bombing to me, and things that shoot immediately to the highest heights (“love” is ridiculous after a month, you can’t love someone when you don’t even really know them) always come plummeting back down just as harshly.

My husband and I moved in together after 6 weeks. We just knew.

@DoAWheelie I'm so sorry for your loss. As you say, though, how wonderful that you got to share that life together.

Sounds amazing! Just keep your eyes open and enjoy

Yep my dh and I had this. We just knew. 10 years in and happily married with a child of our own now

You aren't planning to introduce him to children for a long time or move in together or get married or have your own children. So when say moving quickly I guess that you mean strength of feelings. It's not hurting anyone so just enjoy it.