Experiences of relationships where everything went quicker than usual timelines?

[Jasnah]

Morning all. I am just musing, really, and wondering what your experience was like?

I've met a man on OLD. We've been together just over a month and he is honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me (bar my children). Kind, thoughtful, genuinely interested, fancies the pants off me (and I'm no model), really hot himself, earns well, handy around the home, clean and tidy, friends think highly of him, great between the sheets. I know everyone has flaws, but I cannot see a single thing that puts me off him. He says the same thing. Yes, we're in the honeymoon phase and yes, I know there will be snags eventually, but he genuinely feels like my "one".

Things are moving very fast between us. By that I mean we're going on holidays together in the next few weeks, I have met his work colleagues and am about to meet his family in a few days, we're planning out a future together. We both paused our OLD profiles by date 2 and deleted them on date 3, less than a week in. The L word has been dropped. It all feels natural, easy and like we've been going out for many months, not just one, but then we do talk every day and see each other several times a week when I haven't got my kids. It's so different from the many, many relationships I've had where I had to fight for every inch of commitment, and here it is freely given, and then some. There is no fight, no friction, only safety and comfort. No love bombing, though we're both quite intense in nature.

Has anyone else here ever had this? I remember reading on here some users were practically engaged after 6 weeks. How has it worked out long-term? Do you, sometimes, just know that you've met the right one?

My first marriage was a rush job. With the benefit of hindsight, we both found someone who offered something we wanted (marriage, stability) rather than a person we wanted. But it sounds as if you’re not rushing into any committments so enjoy it!

Went to a party and went home with him from the party. Saw each other several times in the following week then lived together from then on. Been together now for 45 years. Having said that, we did know each other and had been friends for over a year. I was with someone else at that time.

He told me he was going to marry me within 3 days.
Proposed after 4 months.
We got married 4 months after that.

30th wedding anniversary this coming autumn.

(I do often want to strangle him, though 🤣)

Sounds like you’re having a great time so I hope it continues. Keep your eyes open and notice the changes as you progress to a relationship.
I had this for a year with my ex and it was brilliant. Then the cracks started showing and he changed. When his actions didn’t align to the promises he made I realised he was future faking, and stringing me along. He never intended to commit to the life we discussed but he kept up the pretence quite a while. When it became clear he’d never actually prioritise me or a relationship I left and never heard from him again.
Make sure your goals and values are aligned. This is what makes the difference between a fling and the possibility of a healthy long term relationship.

I don’t think meeting friends and family is all that weird after a month. You presumably aren’t 25. As long as he is not around your children.

Dh and I certainly knew by 6 months that we were definitely getting married and planning a life together and we were in our early to mid 20s. We are 40s now and still very happy together. We didn’t have the complication of children though.

That said, the one couple I knew where it was all love bomby and she just knew after a month or two, he turned out to be a paedo. They are still together, but she’s lost her children, so do be careful.

Thank you for all the experiences, it is good to read both the success stories and the cautious tales. I had a few abusive relationships, some of which included love bombing, but this feels different. Yes, we did fall for each other very quickly, but none of it is uncomfortable. I had a milestone birthday since we met and his gift was very approriate given the time we'd been together, but also incredibly thoughtful (small, but personalised).

And there is no future faking involved, because every word so far has had concrete actions following it. He said I'd meet his work colleagues, and I did. He said I'd meet his parents, and we're locked in for next week. He said we'd go on holiday and he booked us in. In fact, our first few sentences when we matched included a place he wanted to introduce me to, which we are now visiting.
Same from my side, obviously, though meeting my family is harder as they live far away. We're early 40s, so no spring chickens, and we both come with experiences that left us cautious despite the pace.

Before I embarked on OLD I put a comprehensive list of red and green flags together. I had done several years of emotional work and therapy while single, and wanted to get it right. Without exception, he ticks all of my green flags, none of my reds, and we did hit an amber but it got sorted quickly and efficiently. And I do test thoroughly - just little things, like putting a boundary in place and seeing how he reacts, or showing him a vulnerable side of me and seeing how he handles it. That man has passed every "test" with flying colours.

@YetanotherNC25 Did you notice anything at all beforehand? I had an ex who seemed great at first, but I know I ignored the red flags early on.

This all sounds very healthy and mature.
And yes I ignored red flags and put his lack of ability to communicate during any type of conflict down to his anxiety and MH. Ended up tolerating disrespect and emotional abuse for longer than I should have because I knew he didn’t have positive coping mechanisms.
I should have expected better from a grown man who knew how to treat me well and apologise if he upset me during the honeymoon period. The reality of a LTR kicked in and he couldn’t be bothered to keep putting in effort. I just wasn’t important enough to him.
Only time will tell whether your new partner keeps up this level of effort. I really hope he does, sounds like he’s made a good start.

I moved in with a guy after only seeing each other for 2 months and only having met (at work) 4 months previously. Within a year we were engaged although we kept it a secret for several years and eventually got married before starting a family. He’s now my ex-H but we lasted 26 years before separating so I don’t think a fast moving relationship is necessarily a bad thing. BUT I didn’t have kids and was only 20 at the time. If I were to meet someone now especially with kids, I would be a lot more cautious. Sounds like you are already though. I hope it works out for you.

Could be love bombing, I've experienced it loads. That's too soon to know he's genuine. I've dated and everything has seemed amazing, you can't imagine there to be any faults...then bam, they ghost you like you don't matter. Just be cautious.

Would someone feasibly be able to ghost you, given they've introduced you to their whole social circle? Surely serious questions would be asked.

Erm... it can happen quite quickly.

DH and I started going out in the December, got engaged in March, married in July and had a baby the following year. We recently celebrated our silver wedding anniversary. 🙂

Neither of us already had dc though, so we didn't have them to consider.

Pretty much the same here. First date in Jan, engaged four weeks later * married in September, 26 years ago.

*My lovely mum died a few days after we got engaged and he dealt with it - and me - so beautifully 😍

Was indroduced to his kids then ghosted. Sounds like there aren't any red flags so far though.

I did exactly the same, met, married and pregnant within 4 months. We were very young and, with hindsight, desperate for stability but neither of us stable enough ourselves.

I do know a couple who knew they were 'the one' within a week and are still happily married 20odd years later.

My mum used to say 'know a man for all seasons' ie wait a year so you can get a really good idea.

Yes, we 'knew' after around a month of dating but I think being cautious is always sensible, especially when you have dc to consider.
We didn't move in together for four years ( we were in our 20's, neither of us had dc). I may be old fashioned but I want to have seen a person at their worst as well as their best, which isn't really possible after only a month.
25 years later we are still together.

• Met at a disco March 31
• Engaged April 21
• Married June 2

People said we were crazy!
2 dc, 3 grands, we just celebrated our 46th.
#WYKYK
#luckyandblessed

I think that you know when you know. I married my DH after 7 months of dating, different religions, completely different cultures/countries but I made sure to have the right conversations very early into dating, such as family plans, family values, what he expected of the future, etc.

We kept it close to our chest (from both our families) until it was time to marry. I believe that the most important plans of your life it's best to keep quiet because you don't want to hear unnecessarily noise. We just had a civil /legal wedding.

We are now 15 years married, have gone through super hard bad times/seasons and we've come out together stronger. What would have broken many couples, we have overcome thanks to God. After 3 months dating we were talking about marriage.

Then, my best friend met her DH throughout online dating, she chatted with him for a month, he travelled to her city to meet her and she moved in with him to his country (just 4 hours drive from her city). She had just divorced a couple of months before so she was not in a good place to make those kind of decisions; however, they are still together after 16 years...

On the bad side, my sister eloped with a 15 years older man but when she was 22 years old after just a couple of months dating and that resulted in an abusive 25 years marriage. Although, I believe that it was due to her youth, and him being her first boyfriend so she had no experience.

Given that you have kids, Id be extra careful anything that involves them.

Best wishes, hope he's the one.

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! Finding someone on OLD is amazing - my fairly recent experience of OLD was that it was completely dog shit.

Secondly, I’m going through the same thing!!! Albeit we met IRL rather than on OLD. We’re 6 months in, and I still have the ‘am I being lovebombed?!’ anxiety all the time. But so far so good. I am known amongst friends and family to be quite the commitmentphobe (used to be flat out anti-marriage) but now I find myself thinking I wouldn’t mind getting engaged to DP 😅 Completely out of character for me!

Sometimes we just… meet our person. 😊 Enjoy it & good luck.

Went on a work night out, went home with a lad on the wider team. Stayed at his all weekend (texting my flatmate: "don't worry, not dead"). Went home on the sunday, packed some things and went back to his on the monday and never left. We moved into a jointly purchased house a year later. 3 years later we had our first child, with 2 more in quick succession. Eventually got round to marrying after about 8 years. It's been 22 years since that first night out and we're still together. Like others said, for me it was just a sense of comfort and like "coming home". I do joke that he is just too polite to ask when I'm going back to my own house though

It sounds lovely
It might be the start of something wonderful that after the initial new relationship energy fades, settles into something deep and warm and committed.

On the other hand you might find out things about him you don't like: you might find out that this is the part he loves and once this new relationship energy inevitably passes he is seeking the next dopamine hit and that rush of the first flush of love again.

Enjoy it! But remember there's no substitute for time when getting to know someone

How lucky for you, OP. The dating pool is dry 😕

I hope it turns out for you, but frankly, I think you’re being seriously naive. You won’t know the real him for at least a year. At least. Please keep your head

Are you sure there are no zero red flags? Could there be one that seems really minor but you're not sure of, why post on here if you're a 100% sure there aren't any?

Naive how?

Yes, there are sides of him I haven't seen yet. That's normal for the short time we've known each other; it would be odd if we had gone through all the emotions already. But I know an awful lot. I watch carefully, and I see how others are with him. And no significant decisions will be made for a long time. We are eyeballing next spring for the first time he's meeting my children. We won't be able to move in with one another for a while yet due to work and my childcare/ their school commitments. I wouldn't contemplate house buying or marriage until we've merged households for at least a year.

But I am the far more cautious one in this relationship.