Experiences of relationships where everything went quicker than usual timelines?

[Jasnah]

Morning all. I am just musing, really, and wondering what your experience was like?

I've met a man on OLD. We've been together just over a month and he is honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me (bar my children). Kind, thoughtful, genuinely interested, fancies the pants off me (and I'm no model), really hot himself, earns well, handy around the home, clean and tidy, friends think highly of him, great between the sheets. I know everyone has flaws, but I cannot see a single thing that puts me off him. He says the same thing. Yes, we're in the honeymoon phase and yes, I know there will be snags eventually, but he genuinely feels like my "one".

Things are moving very fast between us. By that I mean we're going on holidays together in the next few weeks, I have met his work colleagues and am about to meet his family in a few days, we're planning out a future together. We both paused our OLD profiles by date 2 and deleted them on date 3, less than a week in. The L word has been dropped. It all feels natural, easy and like we've been going out for many months, not just one, but then we do talk every day and see each other several times a week when I haven't got my kids. It's so different from the many, many relationships I've had where I had to fight for every inch of commitment, and here it is freely given, and then some. There is no fight, no friction, only safety and comfort. No love bombing, though we're both quite intense in nature.

Has anyone else here ever had this? I remember reading on here some users were practically engaged after 6 weeks. How has it worked out long-term? Do you, sometimes, just know that you've met the right one?

I'm not looking for reassurance on my relationship. I am very happy. I was looking for others where things have moved fast, and what the long-term impact of that was. In my circle, we're somewhat unusual in that respect.

No red flags. The one amber one has been sorted. But a whole lot of green. Like, Ireland on St Paddy's Day green.

I met my DP online 3.5 years ago. I was more hesitant in expressing my feelings so quickly to him. But our first date was amazing talked for hours. Felt really comfortable with him like I knew him for years. He felt the same.

he chased me as I held back in case he was a love bomber. He said he loved me from date 3. After a year during a random situation I moved k with him for 7 months. I had bought a new build and my rental had fallen through.

it feel apart as I think we coasted on the love and didn’t work on communication and compromise. We broke up when I move out. But…

Got back together 5 weeks later as we missed each other. Live apart now but he stays at mind 75% of the time. We worked on communication and we are back to our first year.

for us the whirlwind passed and we hadn’t gotten to know each other. We reached breaking point and I suppose had to go through what we did. It’s made us stronger and we got to know our bad bits. We worked through it and I hope we continue to

I think when you know, you know. It just somehow feels different. Just go along with how you feel and see how it goes.
I met my husband in a night club. He said he loved me after 6 weeks, talked of marriage after 3 months, officially engaged after 6 then married following year. Been married for 38 years.

I think it can depend on whether or not you are both at the same point in your life. My mother once shocked me by revealing that she decided 10 days after meeting my dad that she would marry him. As it turned out they were married 55 years. She explained it as they were both at the point where they were ready to be married and have children. As it turned out they had a large family and a happy marriage.

I remember being a bit stunned by that revelation. However, 3 months after meeting DH I woke up one morning, saw him snoring next to me and thought “I’m going to marry him”. We’ve just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary so this ability to spot a keeper is obviously genetic.

I think that's a good point.

We're the same age, on the same page with regards to major life decisions (commitment, children, marriage), have jobs with similar levels of responsibility (though mine will outpace his soon) and stress, have similar financial situations in terms of home ownership and outlook on finance management, similar pay packages and pensions. The only major differences are that I've been married before and I have children, he hasn't been and doesn't, but he's accepted that most women my age will come with children and he feels too old to have his own now, so is happy to accept other people's children in his own life.

So yes, same points in life I'd say.

I'm sorry about your mum. How people support you in that kind of crisis is a big giveaway, though, and he seems to have done everything right there.

We haven't had anything nearly as big happening, but every situation we've had where emotional support was needed, he has freely given it.

Met my husband OLD and things went very fast. Nine months in, found out I was pregnant (after being told by a doctor I was ‘unlikely’ to get pregnant naturally). We’ve been together 15 years.

I met someone online, and moved quickly - engaged in a year, married the next, baby the next...then divorced the following year.

When I married him I couldn't believe how similar we were. He was completely honest about his family (who I also met before I got engaged), we were both introverts, and had similar interests. We could talk for hours and I thought I had found my soul mate.

OP, I really knew nothing about him despite all this. He turned out to be abusive when the baby came and completely impractical when planning for the future. His issues came out much later and I hadn't really had long enough knowing him especially during rough spells which he could not handle rather than just the good times.

Your guy might be fantastic and you have many years ahead, but don't lose your head or heart to him in a short time - even a year is nothing. With respect, your relationship- declaring your love and holidaying so soon- does sound like lovebombing. Slow it down to protect yourself and see how he reacts.

I moved in with DH 3 months after we met, married a year later. Looking back it was probably not the wisest thing I did and could have gone horribly wrong. Luckily for me he turned out to be exactly who he seemed and we are still together and happy 20 years later. Your feelings about your relationship sound similar to how I felt. I hope it works out for you.

Okay, that's a bit more detail. I too met someone who reads like your guy. However, he's hesitate to take it further, as in dtd!! Due to his upbringing and beliefs (I know!)

However, you may have mentioned it before, how long have you known this man? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but many single lotharios get to a certain age and feel they ought to settle down, so put on a big show of feelings and being the dream man.

I do know of couples who met and partnered up/married speedily and went on to stay happily committed, though these days due to changes in societal structure and expectation that's a rarity.

*hesitant

Out of interest what was the amber flag?

By whom? The social circle? For all you know they’ve met a dizzying number of previous girlfriends and aren’t that invested.

The fact you are planning all these huge moves with a timeline already, I think is rushing and naive. I really think just being for a while is the best bet hey, each to their own. You did ask for experience - it has only become apparent in my experience of really knowing someone and not the honeymoon stage them after at last a year

Well, the amber flag answers almost all of those questions at once. He's only been out of a very long-term relationship for a few months. I have questioned that thoroughly and repeatedly, including his readiness for a new relationship. I will not go into detail why here, but I am satisfied with the answer (and linked subsequent actions). Likewise, it appears, are his friends and family. So that is good enough for me.

@Nowadaysmind That also touches on your post. He is not the type to have short-term relationships. Prior to meeting up he has made it very clear that he is looking for someone to get old with, not a fling. His relationship history tells the same story.

It’s quite possible she loves sex just not sex with you, so she needn’t have been lying. I don’t say that to be mean, it’s just that that was my exact experience with exDP. He/the relationship killed my sex drive dead. I’m now in a new relationship and my sex drive is high again. You and your wife may simply not be a good match sexually, rather than one of you being objectively much more into sex than the other.

Bet that cheered you up no end, @Eric1964 😳😂

OP it all sounds brilliant! and you clearly have your head screwed on. I really hope this works out well for you. 💗

@Crushed23 Oh, don't worry - I've been through every possible explanation for my predicament, and that's certainly one of them, although Occam's Razor suggests that the most likely explanation is antidepressants. The fact that they're so well understood to kill sex drive should result in their use being a medical scandal: "Take these: they'll alleviate your symptoms, but will push the problem elsewhere." But it could also be what you said. Anyway, @Jasnah's situation sounds pretty good and she's every reason to be optimistic.

@Beachtastic Oh, I proper LOLed! Tragedy and comedy, pleasure and pain.

I agree, try to stay in the moment and don't fall in love with the future.

Started going out in the December, engaged in the January and married 7 months later. Married now for 26 years. In hindsight I am not sure why I was not more cautious but It has worked for is.

Has anyone here ever had it happen when children were in the mix?

Yes me. My partner and I fell in love very quickly. Took about a month. We were both drowning in honey. Both divorced in our 50's. Had known each other 40yrs but been out of touch for over 10 when we reconnected. My 17yr old son lived with me. Now lives with us.

We bought a house together and got married this spring. All our (grown up) children were involved and happy for us. We did have a pre nup.

I had comments from some which I just ignored. No-one knows what you are feeling and I think it helps if you are both solvent/equals.

He's the love of my life. Who knows how long we have but we weren't waiting around until the rest of the universe felt the time was right.

It's good that the children dealt with it well. How long did you wait to introduce him to them? My youngest is the one I worry about; the eldest will pack off to university soon enough and therefore be far less affected, but the youngest has a good few years before that's on the horizon, so every relationship must be stable and proven to work long-term before I could introduce someone to them.