Concerned that this man isn’t actually single. Thoughts please.

[datinggames]

Would anyone else find this a little odd?

I started talking to someone new from OLD around 3 weeks ago. He lives almost 3 hours away, but we both drive. He has two kids from a previous relationship, while I don’t have any. He mentioned that he’s been single for 5 years, and his last relationship was with the mother of his children. We haven’t met yet since we’ve both been busy with work and other commitments. He’s currently away for a week (in the UK) with his kids, but we’ve agreed to meet when he returns.

We’ve been in constant communication through WhatsApp and have spoken on the phone a few times. A couple of incidents have made me question whether he’s really single. I'm not sure whether I'm being overly cautious because of previous experiences, so I would really appreciate your thoughts.

1. We had a phone call last week. We were talking for around 15 minutes when the call suddenly dropped. I tried to call him back, but it went straight to voicemail. He didn’t get back to me until 50 minutes later, explaining that his battery had died and his phone had just turned back on. I thought this was strange since most phones reboot after about 10 minutes once plugged in. He also didn’t return my call, even though we hadn’t finished our conversation, claiming he thought I had gone back to work and didn’t want to disturb me. I let it slide, but I couldn’t help but wonder if someone had walked in on him, causing him to hang up. Who knows.

1. He’s been gone since Monday. He’s currently at a caravan park near Great Yarmouth (not sure which one) and he hasn’t really talked to me since he left, saying the phone signal is terrible. It seems the signal is better in the town center but awful at the caravan park. Usually, he sends me a message once in the morning and once in the evening, with very brief notes like “thinking about you” and “I miss chatting to you.” I’ve asked him a few times, “are you having a nice time?” and “what have you been up to?” but he never responds to those questions. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s with someone else, which is why he can’t talk properly and only sends brief messages. Of course, if it were because he was spending time with his kids and focusing on them, that wouldn’t be a problem, but he claims it’s due to the phone signal. He sent me a message this morning saying, "I hope you haven't forgotten about me," and I didn’t know what to say.

Clearly, it's still early days, and I can easily cut things off if needed. However, I genuinely like him and wanted to meet him and see if things develop. This could all he completely innocent too.

Am I overthinking this?

I think your gut feeling is important.
have you asked him who he is away with?

I don’t suppose he’s sent you a photo of the beautiful landscapes has he?
Saying something like ‘This place is beautiful/shit/weird etc.

1. If he never wants a you to come to his house because “it’s too far away”…HE IS MARRIED. RUN.
2. Pesrsonally…I would run a mile from a man with children. Not your circus, not your monkeys, and all that. Too much complication and drama.

Regardless of everything else, the fact he is 3 hours away makes it very easy to find yourself in a 'fantasy relationship', since with the best will in the world, two people with busy lives will find it hard to find times to meet up - as you are already seeing.

So it's easy for con-artists to present a fake self.

It's all very well to say you are open to relocation, but you could well find you relocate only to discover he's a very different person on a day-to-day basis, even if he isn't married.

I don't think you should be reading anything in particular into your new guy's behaviour, OP, as you just don't have enough information to draw informed conclusions. One issue could be that many people who are brilliant in person are sub-obtimal at communicating via text. I would definitely still meet him and see if you feel the same way when sitting in the same room with him.

Get his picture posted on one of the are we dating the same guy groups on facebook, you'll quickly find out if he's with someone else. Just make sure you use the group for his area.

😂😂

Are his initials MS?

Well that’s odd because we had one delivered the last year or so.

I agree that those “stalking” behaviours are nuts and way over the top.

However OP, I would not ask MN for relationship advice. There’s too many cynical/man hating women on here.

There’s nothing about what you’ve posted they would worry me.

The disconnected call thing - he probably plugged his phone in and left it until he got back to you. He was likely off doing a task or something, cleaning the bathroom etc (you never know!).

The not texting while away with his children - he’s WITH his children. He’s busy, whether he’s got your message or not.

The “missing you” texts are a bit premature.

One of the clearest signs of someone already being in a relationship is zero communication at weekends or in the evenings.

Please don’t go stalking him on 192.com or anywhere else. It’s way too early for that kind of crazy behaviour.

Just step back a bit and see how things go. Keep an open mind.

Most of the women on this thread would never end up with anyone from online dating if they keep up with their cynical attitude towards men. Maybe his phone did just die…maybe he is just on holiday with his kids! I honestly don’t see what you lot are seeing.

But then I don’t despise men. Women can be just as bad.

Regarding FreeBMD it stops at 1985 so you won't get anything after that. You can however get more recent on Ancestry.

Regarding Electoral Rolls you cannot see the private register - there is a private one and a public one since 2013 I think. If people are opted out then you will not see them. Only certain people are allowed access. Eg Private investigators.

Regarding this guy I would be suspicious of him. I knew someone like this and he was married and also did the trying to be in your mind/life at the same time as not really communicating.

View the electoral register

GOV.UK
https://www.gov.uk › ... › Voting

192 also have access, but it isn't free.

I agree with you about this mystery man. Wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

You can view the current electoral register (it's often available in libraries). The register will list everyone who's registered to vote in the local area.

@MsDDxx

Most of the women on this thread would never end up with anyone from online dating if they keep up with their cynical attitude towards men.

Do you wonder why some women on this thread have a cynical view of men? I’m a bit cynical and that’s because of my experiences with the men I’ve met in my lifetime. Clearly you’ve had better experiences.

There are two versions of the electoral register. You can only view the OPEN register. There is a box on the register form which you tick to keep your name off the open register. Many people opt out and do not have their name on the open register for privacy purposes . 192 is the same.

The FULL register is everyone's details and is the version used for elections and referendums. This register is used as well for other limited purposes specified in law such as - detecting crime( fraud) , calling people for jury service and checking credit applications. It is not available for the general public.

What you dismiss as being paranoid I clearly see as being awake and alert. Which is something you definitely don't need to "work on" - unless is to being even more awake and alert.

In this case, I second what the first poster has said: trust yourself and keep being cautious. And don't ever dismiss your intuition.

You are strangers. Absolute waste of time messaging and chatting when you've never met. You get emotionally invested then when you meet you're like, oops, no chemistry. Or you see he's not how he's presented himself at all.

The fact that he's chasing you, checking you're still wanting to talk etc is a red flag. He's trying to keep you invested in him while he does other stuff. Who knows what.

Best way to meet someone legit online is to date them straightaway. No chats, no calls until you've met and connected. That way you have a much better idea who they really are and you know they are actually willing and available to date you.

And date lots of men. That way, if one is a let down, you don't really mind so much because the next one might be lovely.

Seriously, I would stop messaging this man altogether. If you really don't want to do that, then send him a simple message telling him to get in touch to arrange a date. An actual in-person date. And only resume messaging and chatting after that if it's clear you are actually dating.

^This

I said (pages back) that the sensible way with OLD is to arrange a coffee after a couple or so phone calls. Otherwise it turns into some fantasy where no one knows the reality.

3 weeks and 'missing' someone you've never met is crazy.

People can find out for themselves. I just pointed them in one direction. 192 is not free.

@llizzieshow me a post where you can see the 2024 entries for people on 192 who have opted out of the open register. You get summary pages without paying. You don't seem to understand the concept of the fact that there are two registers. I'm involved with this for work.

My thoughts?

I would have ZERO interest in dating someone 3 hrs away. I want a partner not a penpal.

And i would have net negative interest in dating a man with the red flags you describe

Perhaps he hasn't told his children about you and it's them he is worried about finding out. And he doesn't want to upset you by saying he's worried about his kids knowing.

It's been 3 weeks and you haven't even met him. nobody needs this drama in their life, surely.

.Does it matter to the thread? It was a suggestion which the OP can take or leave.

@llizzie it is incorrect though so is important. Ordinary people cannot see the full register anywhere.

If I am wrong, I am sorry. Just please do not keep hounding me over something that is not really directly connected with the thread. I doubt the OP would find it useful anyway.

I am dealing with a massive escape of water and the insurance and I really don't care whether you can see the register or not.

I just left a link.

Please don't say I am " hounding" you. Are you doing the same by your posting ? I'm merely correcting something that isn't wrong and would leave people with wrong info. That's all.