Concerned that this man isn’t actually single. Thoughts please.

[datinggames]

Would anyone else find this a little odd?

I started talking to someone new from OLD around 3 weeks ago. He lives almost 3 hours away, but we both drive. He has two kids from a previous relationship, while I don’t have any. He mentioned that he’s been single for 5 years, and his last relationship was with the mother of his children. We haven’t met yet since we’ve both been busy with work and other commitments. He’s currently away for a week (in the UK) with his kids, but we’ve agreed to meet when he returns.

We’ve been in constant communication through WhatsApp and have spoken on the phone a few times. A couple of incidents have made me question whether he’s really single. I'm not sure whether I'm being overly cautious because of previous experiences, so I would really appreciate your thoughts.

1. We had a phone call last week. We were talking for around 15 minutes when the call suddenly dropped. I tried to call him back, but it went straight to voicemail. He didn’t get back to me until 50 minutes later, explaining that his battery had died and his phone had just turned back on. I thought this was strange since most phones reboot after about 10 minutes once plugged in. He also didn’t return my call, even though we hadn’t finished our conversation, claiming he thought I had gone back to work and didn’t want to disturb me. I let it slide, but I couldn’t help but wonder if someone had walked in on him, causing him to hang up. Who knows.

1. He’s been gone since Monday. He’s currently at a caravan park near Great Yarmouth (not sure which one) and he hasn’t really talked to me since he left, saying the phone signal is terrible. It seems the signal is better in the town center but awful at the caravan park. Usually, he sends me a message once in the morning and once in the evening, with very brief notes like “thinking about you” and “I miss chatting to you.” I’ve asked him a few times, “are you having a nice time?” and “what have you been up to?” but he never responds to those questions. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s with someone else, which is why he can’t talk properly and only sends brief messages. Of course, if it were because he was spending time with his kids and focusing on them, that wouldn’t be a problem, but he claims it’s due to the phone signal. He sent me a message this morning saying, "I hope you haven't forgotten about me," and I didn’t know what to say.

Clearly, it's still early days, and I can easily cut things off if needed. However, I genuinely like him and wanted to meet him and see if things develop. This could all he completely innocent too.

Am I overthinking this?

Trust your instincts sounds like what i went through with ex hubby

Not sure how old you are, OP, but I'm in my late 40's, divorced and on dating apps last year for about 6 months. At that time I found the attitude of some (presumably married) Mumsnetters really unhelpful at times with questions about new relationships; I think this is because it's hard to understand OLD and the wider dating scene if you've never done it! So many of the respondents here are absolutely brutal and uncompromising ('throw him back!!' at the first sign of any problem or issue whatsoever - even the whiff of one!) and yet all the time I read posts here about useless, lazy, awful husbands. There's quite a double standard.
In the beginning of a relationship I think you've got to find a balance between healthy scepticism and giving people a chance. I've often been keen to impress or horribly nervous in a dating scenario, so I try to extend a bit of sympathy with first impressions
After that the stakes get higher of course, you can really like someone without knowing them well enough to trust them, and that's hard. But until someone shows me (or tells me) that I really can't or shouldn't take it further, just enjoy the ride, try not to overthink and stay safe. Best of luck!

@datinggames I think your gut is telling you something so don’t ignore it. You haven’t even met this guy though so I would just move on. It’s very likely that even if he is single he’s probably speaking to / dating others.

Norfolk does have awful signal but if his phone is receiving your messages then it's clearly not affecting him!

Not just early days - a non-starter if you are wise.

Not where I go - 4g on the beach!

whatspp usually works.

I was going to ask the same question but I suspect the answer is he is a man and he is not behaving according to my definition of perfection, so lets assume the worst. 🙄This is the problem with any social media platform like this, there are always a subset of subscribers who will make me go ewwww with their posts, it is the price you pay in order to read the decent stuff.

Multiple dating is normal until the point you decide to go exclusive with someone. If everyone had to date one person at a time in order to find a partner, only the most sexually magnetic and luckiest people would find love. Personally I wouldn't try dating someone who lives three hours away, travelling long distance in this country really sucks due to poor public transport and having the most congested roads in Europe, and I'd like to date someone I have a chance of seeing F2F frequently and hugging, otherwise I don't see the point.

I see why these incidents have raised suspicions, but I don't think they're definitive. That he's with someone else is definitely an explanation for them. I wouldn't discount that at all. Especially two things in just 3 weeks.

However, I don't think I would just drop him over them if it's otherwise good. I'd keep things light for the moment and see what else happened. His explanations aren't implausible and since he has kids, a period of low communication over the summer holidays is probably to be anticipated anyway.

He's with his kids! I wouldn't expect much communication at this stage of getting to know someone.

Having said that, there might be other. Less tangible reasons you're feeling suspicious.

The signal is pretty much non existent in the caravans at Parkdean Resorts in Cornwall if that helps 🙈😂

Just my thoughts, sorry for the ramble, I was thinking myself into your situation......3 weeks of 'chatting' really isn't very long - maybe step back a bit, and, tempting though it may be to keep messaging him, maybe wait until he contacts you again, although as he messaged you yesterday he is thinking about you (a very casual 'hope the holiday is going well' type reply would be OK surely?). If he doesn't follow it up, then you have lost nothing - if he does, then, as other posters have suggested, proceed with caution, see how it goes, eg once he is back from this pre-arranged holiday with his kids, see whether he follows up on the interest in meeting up?? ie - let him be the one to suggest / arrange it? At least he did tell you where he was going away for a bit, not just ghost you? Or say that he was going to Australia or somewhere where he would be unavailable to keep in contact?

This may all be new to him, if his last real relationship was approx 5 years ago (?). Give it time, if you do believe he is worth it. (Again, nothing to lose). But please don't 'chase' him (I see you said you won't). And yes, there are lots of lovely, honest single men out there, and hopefully he is one of them. 🌹Good luck xx Maybe an update at some point? xx

If you’re naturally on high alert and suspicious, maybe long distance relationships aren’t a good idea.

Do you know anyone who knows him? If you do not and he is not forthcoming, would it be wise to continue?

You would expect a reference from someone if you are employing them, and although it is a strange thing to say, you should really be finding out more about him.

In UK you can search in Companies House. If he has ever been a director of a registered company, it will be there, whether active or not.

Another way people search for other people is through the electoral Roll. First, find out where he lives and trawl the names. It used to be available in post offices, libraries and council offices. It is there for anyone to see. From that you can look at who he is living with. You can on the telephone directory website, but not everyone has a landline.

You can also look up for free the BMD Registers. It is not impossible to look for people, but can be hard work. I traced my late husband's family back to 1595, but my own only to the 18th century.

Go with your gut, OP ❤️

2 grey ticks is delivered but not read.
He gets them just doesn't open them

The messages have been sent (2 grey ticks on WhatsApp), but to my knowledge, if he doesn't have a signal, they may not appear on his phone until he gets one. I'm not sure if that's correct or not.

They are on his phone, he can see them (as alert) but he's not opened them to read them. 2 grey ticks mean they have been delivered. Blue ticks mean they've been read.

I think that says a lot.

sorry x-d posts with above poster.

Another way people search for other people is through the electoral Roll. First, find out where he lives and trawl the names. It used to be available in post offices, libraries and council offices. It is there for anyone to see. From that you can look at who he is living with. You can on the telephone directory website, but not everyone has a landline.

If anyone who goes to these lengths , 3 weeks into chatting with a man, they are WAY TOO invested and slightly round the bend. You have to go to the council offices where the person lives! That would be 150 miles away.

Telephone directories (paper ones) don't exist any more.

Just a thought on why he might not be responding when you ask what he’s been up to etc. If he’s been having a similar time as other recent OPs, perhaps he doesn’t want to tell you the holiday is a complete failure and the kids are driving him mad, especially as you don’t have children. I sympathise with people who say that their children have been so indifferent or picky or just unusually hard work on holiday that they wished they hadn’t bothered with the holiday at all, but I don’t think I’d say that to anyone I didn’t know really well

Holidaying in a caravan park in Great Yarmouth at all doesn’t scream “single man” to me, never mind the phone issue.

Trust your instincts.

Well, it does if he's not able to afford anything more and wants to take his kids away somewhere. But the bigger picture of 'love bombing' is more an issue.

@Lurkingandlearning You're definitely over-thinking (and inventing stuff!)
That doesn't explain why he's not opening her whatsapp messages.
The likelihood is he's there with a woman, or he's distancing himself and keeping it all on his terms.

OP, you've been chatting to a guy who lives 3 hours away and has 3 kids to be responsible for. You are footloose and fancy free. You are highly invested in someone you have not even met and don't actually know.

Maybe he doesn't want his kids to know that he might have a new "friend" in his life. Maybe the signal is bad (my ex used to complain about that from a caravan park), but please don't put all your eggs in one basket. This guy may well be seeing other women and he has every right to do so because he is not in a relationship with you, but you have the same right to keep your options open by chatting to/meeting men who live more locally.

Ah if he’s there with his kids that makes sense. I read as if he’d told OP he was going on holiday on his own to a caravan park in Great Yarmouth 😭