Concerned that this man isn’t actually single. Thoughts please.

[datinggames]

Would anyone else find this a little odd?

I started talking to someone new from OLD around 3 weeks ago. He lives almost 3 hours away, but we both drive. He has two kids from a previous relationship, while I don’t have any. He mentioned that he’s been single for 5 years, and his last relationship was with the mother of his children. We haven’t met yet since we’ve both been busy with work and other commitments. He’s currently away for a week (in the UK) with his kids, but we’ve agreed to meet when he returns.

We’ve been in constant communication through WhatsApp and have spoken on the phone a few times. A couple of incidents have made me question whether he’s really single. I'm not sure whether I'm being overly cautious because of previous experiences, so I would really appreciate your thoughts.

1. We had a phone call last week. We were talking for around 15 minutes when the call suddenly dropped. I tried to call him back, but it went straight to voicemail. He didn’t get back to me until 50 minutes later, explaining that his battery had died and his phone had just turned back on. I thought this was strange since most phones reboot after about 10 minutes once plugged in. He also didn’t return my call, even though we hadn’t finished our conversation, claiming he thought I had gone back to work and didn’t want to disturb me. I let it slide, but I couldn’t help but wonder if someone had walked in on him, causing him to hang up. Who knows.

1. He’s been gone since Monday. He’s currently at a caravan park near Great Yarmouth (not sure which one) and he hasn’t really talked to me since he left, saying the phone signal is terrible. It seems the signal is better in the town center but awful at the caravan park. Usually, he sends me a message once in the morning and once in the evening, with very brief notes like “thinking about you” and “I miss chatting to you.” I’ve asked him a few times, “are you having a nice time?” and “what have you been up to?” but he never responds to those questions. I’m beginning to wonder if he’s with someone else, which is why he can’t talk properly and only sends brief messages. Of course, if it were because he was spending time with his kids and focusing on them, that wouldn’t be a problem, but he claims it’s due to the phone signal. He sent me a message this morning saying, "I hope you haven't forgotten about me," and I didn’t know what to say.

Clearly, it's still early days, and I can easily cut things off if needed. However, I genuinely like him and wanted to meet him and see if things develop. This could all he completely innocent too.

Am I overthinking this?

Lot of angst for someone you’ve never clapped eyes on tbh.

And all you’re doing here is weaving some sort of make believe - him as well. It’s totally weird that you’re sending each other messages saying you miss each other / missing chatting etc when you’ve never met him. It’s like having a pretend relationship based on what you think someone is like

This means they have been received by his phone but he hasn’t opened your message yet. Not that his signal is bad and he hasn’t received them. He may be occupied with his kids and keeping his phone in his pocket.

You can't really know someone you have never met in person, though I do understand you can feel like you do. It seems unlikely he can never get a decent signal in this day and age, unless his children are so young they can't be left at all for a few minutes conversation - unlikely if he split up with their mother 5 years ago unless he left when they were very young, which wouldn't be a good sign.

Who is he meant to be on holiday with? Some parts of the UK can have a terrible signal, especially caravan parks. Plus he is on holiday, so wouldn’t expect him to be constantly messaging.

None of that sounds particularly fishy to me on its own. Both things are perfectly plausible. We have a beach chalet (not in Great Yarmouth) and I literally have to dangle over the cliff to connect to any signal for a message to send. Plus it’s really bad form to be on your phone to some random woman instead of spending time with your kids.

Unless you are both vegan Quakers and met on some special vegan dating site and he just happens to be the only Quaker, I’d not be particularly interested in a man 3 hours away though. Dh and I were (very) long distance when we were dating, but we didn’t have demanding careers or kids or real responsibilities back then, so it was no big deal. It’s different at your life stage.

It's pretty close to love bombing and we all know how that ends.

You don't know anyone who you simply talk to online. It's really just remote flirting , each of you saying what you want the other person to hear, giving you that warm, fuzzy feeling - but it's pretend intimacy. That's why with OLD it's best to keep the chats to a minimum, meet for a coffee and see if there is real chemistry. And that's pretty impossible (or very hard to do) if someone has 2 kids who they share the care of, works, and lives 3 hours away.

It also makes it easy however for someone to hide their real life, if for example, they offer to meet half way for a hotel hook up.

If it has 2 ticks it is on his phone. One tick would be you sent it and he didn't receive yet for poor signal or whatever.

I think you are getting far too invested in something that doesn’t even bring you any gains. You’re getting banal ‘missing you’ sentences every day or two from a man you have never met - you might as well be talking to AI. What’s so special about him?

The ticks turn blue (from grey) when it's been read.

One grey tick = not delivered
two grey ticks = delivered (and on his phone)
two blue ticks = read

@datinggames not saying peope
can't do long distance but obviously a cheater wouldn’t pick someone on their doorstep.

Just based on the caravan trip. He is away with the wife and kids don’t be fooled. .
You aren’t involved keep it that way and away form this man

OP, all this speculation and you haven't even met him yet. First rule of dating ; do not get over invested until you meet as it could all be a waste of time if there's no spark between you!

It’s one grey tick if no signal not been delivered . Two grey rocks if there is signal and been delivered

But they turn blue when read, as PPs posts.

If there's 2 grey ticks on WhatsApp its delivered there is no signal issue 😅 hes having you on

I know so it’s not that he has no signal like he says .
A single interested man would send a message . It’s not like he would be asking his kids to type it for him .

Very convenient . Single . Taking kids alone on holiday and no signal

Honestly, it’s so difficult to know but I’d be more concerned about no 1. Definitely google him and look him up on social media.

"I hope you haven't forgotten about me"

This is a really emotionally immature comment. Who sends things like this? I might jokingly send it to like my Dad who has known me all my life. But someone you've been chatting to for three weeks? Wierd and slightly controlling. Would be a massive ick for me getting a comment like that. You don't even know him. Why on earth should you be emotionally invested and thinking about him when you haven't even met? Until you've met, they could have five arms for all you know. I wouldn't be bringing any feelings into it at all before you have met in person. Any sensible guy would be the same and would respect that.

I heard all those excuses and turns out he was on holiday with his girlfriend…

I would proceed with caution with him. Having been in a similar situation myself I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it. The distance and the fact he has children concern me. It also seems you're investing too much time and effort into a relationship which hasn't even really started. As other posters have said, do some groundwork and investigating. Social media is the first place I would look, it's how I discovered my ex was a liar.

He seems fine and you seem overthinking it!

I do believe in gut feeling though so…if you start thinking that…stay away!

I think it’s very off to not respond to your questions, yes he maybe on holiday and signal maybe bad and he may well be with his kids, but that doesn’t mean he can’t type it out and it sends whenever he has the signal. I’d expect one night or one morning when he gets a chance, a little more substance.

Guys have a way of making themselves available and their intent known when interested, he sounds like he is just dropping enough crumbs for you to keep following and not much else and he seems very aware of covering his tracks. Does he read straight away and reply later or does his reply come just after he has read?

The latter is a sure tell tale that he has you restricted or muted and replies when out of eyes view.

Sounds off to me.

Agree, the phone signal is TERRIBLE in many parts of Norfolk.

Sometimes OP you just have to go with your gut. Wait it out until you next see him and see how that goes. Like other PP have said I would think there have been other women during the last 5 years.