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Original poster

New partner on 3rd date asking to watch porn together

100 replies

Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 15:33

Wondering what others would think

We went back to their place and they asked if I wanted to watch porn with them. It’s only our 3rd date.

would this concern you

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:40

PermanentTemporary · 23/07/2025 16:36

It sounded as if she was scoping out what you want. I think you say what you feel at that point. It’s not something I’d want to do for a range of reasons, and all the more so if the person has been in a relationship where this is normal - there’s going to be a lot to unpick if this is what her sex life has been. But maybe go gently - ‘that’s not what I usually do or want. What does it do for you?’ Something like that.

Yeah with her previous husband they watched a lot of porn together and went to sex shows in Amsterdam. I guess she thought this was normal

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 23/07/2025 16:41

Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:38

Yeah she came back to my flat and started asking about watching porn. I’ve spoken to her since and she said she was wanting to know if I had any. But to me she’s back tracking as that’s a not a question to ask on a third date you’ve only been in my flat 30 minutes.

Show quote history

Yeah, not something I'd be throwing out on the third date.

I guess she must have been either -

Testing you
Genuinely keen to watch porn
Trying to impress you (by seeming adventurous and open minded)

It's up to you if it's an issue or not I guess.

Original poster
Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:48

Icanttakethisanymore · 23/07/2025 16:41

Yeah, not something I'd be throwing out on the third date.

I guess she must have been either -

Testing you
Genuinely keen to watch porn
Trying to impress you (by seeming adventurous and open minded)

It's up to you if it's an issue or not I guess.

Show quote history

She watched a lot with her previous husband so im guessing probably a bit desensitised. I thought most woman were against porn. But a third date is way too quick imho. I was a bit shocked I think i might not be enough for her. Which is a bit weird cause it’s normally woman saying similar

OP posts:
BlankBlankBlank14 · 23/07/2025 16:49

🚩

quietlyhopeful11 · 23/07/2025 16:51

I had a guy on a second / third date say he was off to watch porn to ‘have a wank’ after dropping me off. Porn sick vile individual

he obviously now posts online / instagram about his happy family life - fuck knows how he managed to convince someone to procreate with him

Icanttakethisanymore · 23/07/2025 17:00

Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:48

She watched a lot with her previous husband so im guessing probably a bit desensitised. I thought most woman were against porn. But a third date is way too quick imho. I was a bit shocked I think i might not be enough for her. Which is a bit weird cause it’s normally woman saying similar

Show quote history

Yeah, although I think if you like her it's worth talking to her about why she suggested it. It could be you have different expectations around intimacy or what your sex life might ultimately look like, or, as you say, she might have been slightly conditioned to think it's more normal than it is. You don't have to keep seeing her but if I liked the person I might dig a little deeper before ending it.

coxesorangepippin · 23/07/2025 17:05

Run

Helianthusinbloom · 23/07/2025 17:20

If you haven’t slept together yet, I wouldn’t. Run for the hills, or this is going to be a nightmare if her expectations or normality are a discussion about porn in any context on a third date.

ShallIstart · 23/07/2025 17:21

Weird for me. But I think its a compatability thing. Some people like dogging, I am not sure how they find each other, but they do. Some people like swingers clubs, some people are naturists.
Clearly some people like watching porn on a third date.
If it's not for you then you can bow out gracefully and find someone more compatible.
All the above are a no from me, but then it doesnt mean to say its wrong. But I wouldnt want a partner who is into these things. And they would probably not want a partner who is not.

Coconutter24 · 23/07/2025 17:39

Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:24

I don’t know her very well, it was a bit of a surprise. It’s not a normal conversation for a new potential relationship. Maybe she was trying to see if si own porn. But it’s a bit sudden to ask these questions, what do you think?

Show quote history

I personally wouldn’t ask about porn on a third date. If you’re not up for it that’s ok

80s · 23/07/2025 17:48

I’ve spoken to her since and she said she was wanting to know if I had any.
So was she asking "Would you expect me to watch porn with you if we keep dating?" or was she saying "I fancy watching some porn now, will you join me"?

Worriedmum67 · 23/07/2025 17:50

I would not called someone partner if I only had 3 dates with them.
Also I wouldn't be watching porn in the 3rd date.

caringcarer · 23/07/2025 17:51

Arlanymor · 23/07/2025 15:36

There wouldn't be a fourth date, believe you me.

This. I'd have walked out and returned to my home.

Zov · 23/07/2025 17:55

Major vommage. Ditch this bloke. He'll be wanting anal and all sorts by the 5th date. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! 😱

Edit. Ignore above comment. ^ Apparently, the person the OP is on about, is a woman! 🙄

Marylou2 · 23/07/2025 17:55

So a guy you used to date wanted to watch porn with you?

Zov · 23/07/2025 17:57

ShallIstart · 23/07/2025 17:21

Weird for me. But I think its a compatability thing. Some people like dogging, I am not sure how they find each other, but they do. Some people like swingers clubs, some people are naturists.
Clearly some people like watching porn on a third date.
If it's not for you then you can bow out gracefully and find someone more compatible.
All the above are a no from me, but then it doesnt mean to say its wrong. But I wouldnt want a partner who is into these things. And they would probably not want a partner who is not.

Deleted. OP posted further on in the thread and said that the partner is a woman (apparently.)

Ohdear1975 · 23/07/2025 17:59

If that’s what she only knows of relationships she may think this is what all men want and be trying to show she’s ‘into’ you. If you like her enough then have a conversation

junkmaail · 23/07/2025 17:59

Zov · 23/07/2025 17:55

Major vommage. Ditch this bloke. He'll be wanting anal and all sorts by the 5th date. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! 😱

Edit. Ignore above comment. ^ Apparently, the person the OP is on about, is a woman! 🙄

Edited

He’s a she 🙈

Zov · 23/07/2025 18:00

junkmaail · 23/07/2025 17:59

He’s a she 🙈

Show quote history

See my edit!!!!

Starlight7080 · 23/07/2025 18:04

Well her ex is a ex for a reason ...definitely weird no matter what her motivation was

NewbieYou · 23/07/2025 18:07

It’s a 3rd date so they are not your partner - they’re someone you’re dating. I wouldn’t see them again tbh. I don’t want to be with someone who thinks that’s appropriate the third time meeting them… it’s extreme and I’d worry that they’d have very extreme sexual proclivities that would come up later in a relationship.

JustSawJohnny · 23/07/2025 18:07

Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 16:48

She watched a lot with her previous husband so im guessing probably a bit desensitised. I thought most woman were against porn. But a third date is way too quick imho. I was a bit shocked I think i might not be enough for her. Which is a bit weird cause it’s normally woman saying similar

Show quote history

It does sound like there are some compatibility issues, OP.

Your idea of normal clearly doesn't match with hers and I can understand why this would make you uncomfortable.

Original poster
Poppyseeed · 23/07/2025 18:16

80s · 23/07/2025 17:48

I’ve spoken to her since and she said she was wanting to know if I had any.
So was she asking "Would you expect me to watch porn with you if we keep dating?" or was she saying "I fancy watching some porn now, will you join me"?

She said it was just an innocent question but but to me she’s was asking to see my porn collection and its 11pm and back at mine. So make your own conclusion. Personally I think she wanted to watch porn

OP posts:
InALonelyWorld · 23/07/2025 18:24

Is this a reverse? You seem to know an awful lot about her sex life with her ex husband for it just being a third date. That in itself would be a big enough red flag, never mind the weird random porn conversation. If it's not, then it doesn't sound like this girl (?) is actually looking for anything serious.

Mumlaplomb · 23/07/2025 18:24

I wouldn’t like it on a third date. it sounds like she’s into quite interesting things if she went to sex shows, maybe you two aren’t compatible?