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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please be gentle

86 replies

whatafuckup1 · 23/07/2025 09:18

I don’t even know where to start. Last night H and I got into a heated row. Our toddler isn’t sleeping at the moment and wakes for a bottle then just doesn’t settle again, my H is a lorry driver and struggles when hasn’t had much sleep and gets impatient very quickly. He shouted at our toddler to go back to sleep. I was feeding our baby at the time and said to him to come back to bed and I’ll sort it as I’m much more patient.

He took that comment as an accusation and flipped saying I was accusing him of being a bad dad etc I just ignored him which riled him up even more. He then told me we was over and I can do it on my own from now on. I was hurt and retaliated by saying he probably had someone waiting that’s why he wants out ( I know I shouldn’t of said this) anyway he then sat up grabbed the back of my hair and yanked me back, slapped me and spat in my face all while feeding our 5 month old. I just sat the absolutely stunned trying to protect the baby. He eventually just went and slept downstairs. This is the first time he has been physically abusive hes been verbally in the past.

now I know I need to leave, I know that and I will I do not under any circumstances want my children around that. But how??? Like literally how? I have no money, I can’t afford to live on my own. He pays rent and most bills, I am on Matt leave but the pay is shocking. The children have a very little age gap and it’s a struggle most days. What do I do and where do I go?

sorry long post and thank you for reading x

OP posts:
whatafuckup1 · 29/07/2025 12:07

Imbusytodaysorry · 29/07/2025 09:58

@whatafuckup1 glad you are safe.
Although slightly concerned you are staying “for a while “ what happens then ?

That’s what I’m trying to work out. I have no money to start again on my own so lots of looking into things at the moment. I won’t be going back though that’s not what I meant by that.

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 29/07/2025 12:48

whatafuckup1 · 29/07/2025 12:07

That’s what I’m trying to work out. I have no money to start again on my own so lots of looking into things at the moment. I won’t be going back though that’s not what I meant by that.

OP if you are fleeing domestic violence you are often a priority for housing with the local authority.

Please speak to Women’s Aid, they will be able to help with housing and money advice.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 29/07/2025 13:16

I agree - social housing. get yourself down to your local Council and speak to a Housing Officer, fleeing domestic violence.

WordsFailMeYetAgain · 29/07/2025 13:34

@whatafuckup1 well done you for being so strong. Thank you for updating us.

Get yourself down to the local housing office, also look at local housing charities. There is a good website Housing.org which you can use to find all the local charities in your area.

Girl50 · 29/07/2025 13:57

Please don't go back I've had experience of this name calling, odd slap and kick it doesn't stop and it continues, lucky my kids was older and I sent them away to live, I literally packed my stuff up and left one day behind his back, re homed my dog and went to my mums I was heartbroken but now live with a man that does anything for me you will find love again stay strong x

whatafuckup1 · 31/07/2025 09:48

I just wanted to pop on and say thank you so much for all the online support and kind words. The words of strangers really can make a difference when you’re at a very low point. Mums net really can be a nice supportive place xx

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 31/07/2025 09:57

Has your partner contacted you since you had to leave ? has he seen the children / wanted to see his children ?

Beaverbridge · 31/07/2025 10:04

Hi just read this thread, good for you leaving the abusive rat. Onwards and upwards for you and kids. My daughter was in similar situation abused whilst holding her 3 month old baby. Left with nothing, got a beautiful flat after a year with me, baby now 6 and totally thriving. Things do get better. Sending you best wishes lovely.

BunnyRuddington · 02/08/2025 09:12

So glad that you’ve found the thread useful @whatafuckup1

How are you today? Flowers

PandaWriter · 02/08/2025 09:20

whatafuckup1 · 23/07/2025 12:32

He’s honestly making me question myself and whether I’m over reacting or not. ( I know deep down I’m not and I need to leave) but just how normal he’s being. Back to calling me babe and asking about my day and the babies. It’s such a head fuck

No. He has pulled your hair and spat in your face. It doesn’t matter how apologetic he is, you are not going back to be abused.

PandaWriter · 02/08/2025 09:23

whatafuckup1 · 29/07/2025 07:19

I’m sorry for the delay in updating it’s been an absolute shit show and my head is an absolute mess. We are still at my mums and will be staying here for a while. We are safe that’s all I care about at the moment. Thank you for checking in x

Good, you are in a safe place with evidence of the assault. You have done the right thing.

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