Have you ever gone non contact with a family member?

[ZanyMauveCat]

Have you ever gone non contact, temporarily or permanently?

How have you resolved things if it's been temporary?

If it's been permanent, what was the final straw/ reason for cutting contact?

Have you been cut off? If yes, why?

Don't want to share any details in case my relative sees this post. Just want to see some perspectives please.

My father.

Didn’t see him for years when he walked out from my mother.

Slowly built the relationship back then his girlfriend told him I wasn’t nice to her (I’m yet to understand what I did) and he said he won’t see me again without her there because that’ll be upsetting for her. I declined and told him to get in touch if he ever wanted to see me without the girlfriend there ….. so far he hasnt. This was a year ago.

If he gets in touch now I think I’ll wish him well and say the relationship is over - I just don’t want to deal with the rejection feelings again - I’ve done that twice already.

I still feel a cross between upset, anger and sadness and I’m anxious he’ll get in touch again and affect my mental health. But I also feel like I’ve grieved for the loss and come out the other side.

im sorry you are going through whatever it is. It’s super hard. Get counselling and put you first.

Both my sisters.
After my nice sister died, I stopped having any contact with the other two, and I don't regret it.
Pair of bitches.

My siblings. Parents favoured golden child over the others and they seriously fucked up the relationships between us all.

A sibling. They left the entire care of our elderly parents to me and it was an extremely brutal and traumatic time. They may have had their reasons for going NC with our parents but they did irreparable damage to our relationship too. I’m afraid dumping everything on me has had consequences and tough shit that they wanted to maintain a relationship with me post their deaths.

My sister for three years. She was in a really bad place mentally, drinking a lot, smoking weed, she made a complete fool of herself and me on my wedding day and I stopped speaking to her as that was the final straw. She tried to throw it back in my face at a family Christmas party. She was hammered, blamed me for everything, said I'd never done anything to help her (I used to go clean her house every week and take her food). I knew I couldn't help her and she was dragging me down with it. She's in a bit of a better place now and tentatively we speak, just a little and there's no atmosphere at family gatherings anymore. She still gets plastered though.

Was close to going no contact with my mum recently. Also mental health, lashing out at me, messaging and ringing at all hours. It's the first time I've contemplated going no contact with my mum, we've always been very close. Things have settled again and she sent me a shopper bag in the post today that she thought I would like.

NC with abusive father. Zero regrets. Will also go NC with a toxic sibling in the near future, no regrets there either.

Yes. Brother who did something unforgivable to a female family member. Not going into details.
Sister for 10 years. Sent vile messages to another family member, it turned out she was in a horrible coercive relationship and he forced her to send them to isolate her. I still feel bad about it and have apologised (she is happy with a lovely man now).

I’m NC with my brother. Caused no end of issues over the past 15 years and I truly blame him for my mother’s mental health / drinking issues. Had to put the barriers up to protect my own mental health just wish my mother would do the same.

Yes, my family of origin. Emotional neglect and abuse in childhood with a narcissist mother and enabling father. Adult therapy surfaced much of it and I went permanently non contact. I've found the Stately Homes thread community a great supportive place, would recommend if you're not already there.

Completely NC with both parents. No guilt, no going back and no more abuse.

No contact with one sibling, low contact with others.

I got sick of being treated as ‘less than’, and then when one of them was emotionally and verbally abusive to me at a very low point in my life, I decided I couldn’t be around them any longer. The others appear to have sided with them, so now I’m at the ‘fuck the lot of you’ stage.

It’s sad, but on the other hand very freeing. I have a nice life without them.

I didn't see my dad for over a decade eventually he sent me a Xmas card and asked to meet. We did and did a lot of talking. Had a great relationship after that

Been NC with my mother for about 16 years. She’s a horrible, toxic narcissist, the final straw for me was when she started picking on my own DC and using them to try to get to me. I just stopped phoning her and after 6 months I got a letter telling me “you only have one mother” abs that everything was basically my fault as even as a young child I thought I was better than her (WTF!) of course she has the golden child, my brother to dote on.

Apparently she tells everyone that I don’t speak to her anymore as I think I’m too good for her now! The thing I’m too good for is her narcissistic abuse.

My Nan. I didnt much like her anyway, but then she outed herself as a hateful, bigoted old bat. Others tried to claim it was an age thing but my other grandmother had 15 years on her and was the sweetest, kindest person I've ever met.

Only went to her funeral because my cousin asked me to go with him. And to make sure she was dead.

NC with my family (parents and siblings) for 3 years. Very liberating. No plans to resume contact. Final straw was having my 2nd dc and wanting to protect her from them. I just have a new life without them now, I can't actually imagine them fitting into my life any more.

I could have written this.

Yes my mother it's been the best decision I've ever made. She was extremely abusive and neglectful when I was growing up and just generally a pretty awful person. I gave her many chances before doing this but it was just the same behavior over and over.

My dhs siblings after their remaining parent died. It's been 3 years, and although we are sad at not seeing our nieces & nephews anymore, he doesn't miss the snide comments from their parents.

I'm NC with my siblings.

When our abusive father was dying two of them decided they wanted to visit him and demanded all four of us go together.

We were removed by our grandparents when I was 7 after the levels of abuse escalated to a point that they had to step in. For several years after that my only contact with my father was when he turned up at my grandparents drunk or high and tried to kick the door in, or threatened to kill us all.

I declined. I was told as the youngest I should respect the older siblings decisions. I pointed out that in my 40s I'd be respecting my own decisions.

It culminated in my elder brother physically trying to drag me from my house to go to the hospice. He threatened to smash my face in and told my nephew (his own son) he'd run him over if he tried to get in the middle.

I haven't seen him since the police took him away. I haven't seen my sister since she tried to trick me into lunch with said brother a few months later.

I saw my other brother briefly at a funeral recently and he wanted to patch things up, but since he was also involved in the lunch set up I'm not interested.

Yes my sister, haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and never would again after she made a malicious call about my children to social services

Went NC with my bio mum for years. Saw her again about 6 years ago and honestly regretted it after she tried to talk me into allowing my two youngest live with her during COVID with the condition that I couldn't visit due to restrictions (obviously I didn't agree and my kids didn't go there) she also got far too disappointed that they didn't want to spend a weekend with her and decided to tell me so too. She was being far too weird for my liking. I wanted answers from her and for her to actually own up to being abusive to me as a child before she finally left and didn't take any of us kids with her which she wouldn't and tried to tell me I was lying and that I imagined it all. I blocked her number and blocked her on Facebook. I found her waiting outside my house one morning after I'd taken my kids to school and I told her to piss off and don't contact me ever.

Same. My mother had more than her fair share of chances

Im sorry you went through this as well. At some point it's just sanity to continue doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

I actually thought she would find it in her to actually be truthful but nope she wanted to continue lying and blame everyone else for her actions. I was having counselling which she knew and still wanted to make out I made up all her abuse so I cut her off for good

Cut off a sibling after they were arrested for something I cannot discuss