Why does it feel like I’m being mean.

[Seebee13]

So recently we have been accepted for DLA for my daughter. It’s roughly £400 a month. Me and my husband both work full time and I want to use that money to go private for my children to get a diagnosis it works out that for 15 months I would be using the whole amount of money (which to me is what it’s for). However my husband argued that as he’s in debt £100 a month would really help him. But that would mean even longer for our children to wait for help. Am I being unreasonable? It’s caused a massive argument between us. End of the day for me I want to get the children the help they need as quickly as possible as waiting lists on the NHS are mental. I’m not wanting to use to money for myself or to help me with any debt I have. Should I just give him the money and wait a few months before starting the process for them?

Who is committing fraud?

No no. You cannot blame the beneficiary for receiving payments that they are entitled to from the government.
It is not for you to say "which child is worthier" of this payment.
The disabled child receiving DLA does not directly impact another disabled receiving DLA.

I'm not talking about which child is worthier. I'm talking about which child is entitled to the money.
This is money her daughter is entitled to. If other children require additional support and they are entitled, then their money can go towards their diagnosis.

The money should not be used for the sons diagnosis because it is money FOR the daughter. The OP has said every penny of the full entitlement for the daughter will go towards her BROTHERS private diagnosis for 15 months. That is a child who is in need of the money, who is entitled to the money, and who should be getting the money - having to go without because her parents think their debt or her brother's private diagnosis is more important than the care needs of the child who the money is for

If the brothers have additional needs then the parents can apply for DLA for them and use THEIR entitlement to pay for the private diagnosis instead. Hands off the daughter's money unless it's being used to support the daughters needs

The only way he's got a point is if he's got the debt because he's been paying for something for the kids due to their disabilities, which is plausible because I spend a fortune on fidgets, special clothing, sleeping aids, writing aids, tutors, multivitamins etc etc. If it's because he just spends more than he earns then no.
I would say a diagnosis hasn't been a golden Bullet, not sure they're always worth the cost especially if you 100% know already. School support improved a bit but not really, ehcps are needs based not diagnosis based. I did love how it meant we could explain it clearly to my son and help him know his own brain - that really helped.

Sadly, a lot of local authorities won’t accept private diagnoses. And even when they do, the actual support available is usually pretty limited.

Incorrect.

Assuming it's an Autism/ADHD diagnosis you're after OP, I recommend https://help4psychology.co.uk/
They do online and face to face assessments at a reasonable price and on payment plans, plus their experts are top notch. I think hubby should only get help with his debt if he got it from paying for something for his girls. Best of luck! xxx

Two things.

1. Look up Right to Choose as an option for assessment and diagnosis. You can ask your GP to refer your child to a private assessment provider that accepts NHS funding. It's not very well known as an option but is often quicker than going the standard NHS route. Still NHS-funded so it won't cost you anything.
2. Now that your child is on DLA, you might find that you (as a family) are entitled to Universal Credit, even if you weren't entitled before. This is because there are extra amounts for families with a disabled child (disabled child element and carer's element). If you were entitled to some UC you could use it for whatever the family needs including paying off debts.

Obviously the DLA should be used for the child who was awarded it, as everyone has said.

Because you’ve be conditioned to feel bad for saying ‘no’

The money is for your daughter, not to clear off hubbys debts! Tell him to not be selfish

Be careful not to out yourself in here. DLA is for that child only and it may be taken away if it is spent on another child or husband - they can be very strict and people get very funny about benefits.