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Original poster

Disagreement led to being cut off for 4 days

55 replies

Lucyloo42 · 22/07/2025 16:48

A couple of weeks ago, I brought up concerns about the future of our relationship—specifically that I felt he wasn’t making much effort with me and including my children into his family plans . His response was to cut me off completely for four days: no calls, no replies, while leaving his location visible so I’d know I was being ignored. I initially gave him space, hoping he’d reach out, but by day 3 I felt panicked and convinced he’d ended things silently.

When he reappeared, he said he’d shut down from everyone due to financial stress and unresolved issues with his ex-wife. He apologised and admitted it wasn’t fair to treat people like that, especially me. I appreciated the honesty and was sympathetic as always, but I explained this kind of emotional abandonment triggers old trauma for me—it’s not something I can absorb again.

Since then, I’ve felt disconnected. His best friend and wife confided that although he’s struggling, it’s not okay to leave me in limbo—and asked me if he mentions our future - the truth but I didn’t say it to them , things he says have ended up more than often coming to nothing and that hit me hard.

I’m full of doubt now. Are these just fragile moments or well-crafted excuses? We only see each other once a week, and with limited face-to-face time, it’s hard to rebuild trust. I’m left questioning: is this acceptable behaviour because he’s struggling—or is it a sign we’re misaligned? Thanks ♥️

OP posts:
Shnuzzbucket · 22/07/2025 16:52

A couple of weeks ago, I brought up concerns about the future of our relationship—specifically that I felt he wasn’t making much effort with me and including my children into his family plans . His response was to cut me off completely for four days: no calls, no replies, while leaving his location visible so I’d know I was being ignored.

Why are you ignoring what he is telling you?
He spitefully ignored you, for 4 days - do you really want more of this in your future?

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 17:07

He's training you not to challenge him. You won't bring up these concerns again in case he ignores you. A relationship isn't possible with someone you can't communicate with.

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 22/07/2025 17:13

Thanks for your comments - that’s what it feels like , sulks when doesn’t like something - that’s not me though , I have to be all cards on table esp with my past , I’ve said we have nothing if no communication- he says he won’t do this again .. think it maybe a pattern though . He says he wants to be with me etc he needs to improve himself but .. I’m on the wobble . :/

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2025 17:17

How long have you been together? His behaviour is appalling. Do you want this sort of angst and drama in your life? Waiting for him to cut you off, punishing you for trying to talk about your relationship, not including your kids?

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 22/07/2025 17:21

2.5 years , I know that I couldn’t do that to him ,it’s not fair struggling or not ( and I’ve struggled massively in the past ) .
Answering my own question aren’t I - I’m going into doormat mode again and need to stop . I know that I never want to compromise mine or the kids peace ever again after my marriage breakdown .

OP posts:
Bigearringsbigsmile · 22/07/2025 17:29

You see this person once a week.

I woikd expect a once a week lovely date night where you get a bit dressed up and go and do something fun together. Possibly some really exciting sex. That's it.

Only seeing him once a week and having all this drama and angst and grief? Simply not worth it.
The balance is so skewed it's just not worth it.

Sack him off and enjoy being single.

WhatMe123 · 22/07/2025 17:34

Op this is him. He's shown you his true self. Honestly that is him. Stay and have that or leave and don't. People don't change. He's a man child
Run now I'd say

Hatty65 · 22/07/2025 17:41

I'd expect him now that he's back to speaking to you to be ready to aplogise for his silence, be prepared to address the issue you had with concerns for the future and be reassuring you that he will never behave this way again.

Any of the three conditions not met and I'd just dump him now, nothing else to say.

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:02

So… he did it again. Out of nowhere, he stopped replying to my messages and calls on a Friday afternoon. A few weeks after the last incident. He was meant to be working, but instead switched off his location and went out drinking until the early hours with friends. No warning, no check-in. I didn’t hear from him until the next day, when he vaguely said he “needed to let his hair down” because of stress.

There was little emotional acknowledgment of how he’d treated me—just avoidance. That then led to five more days of silent treatment. He ignored every call and message. When I finally got to see him and addressed it all , he seemed awkward and embarrassed, said his mental health was in a bad place, and that he’s sorry but “just keeps hurting people.”

I know he’s been struggling, but after everything—especially the last incident—I’m finding it hard to believe. The scenarios of what’s really going on are eating away at me. I asked outright right if he was cheating he replied with “ what do I have time for that with the kids?!” Not what I was expecting which would be “ I would never do that to you “ . Anyway He wouldn’t say it was over regardless of his actions and I asked where that left me ?! just kept repeating where he was at like a rabbit in the headlights , just that he “needs to fix himself and his situation,” as I don’t deserve this !.
He said he’d message that night we had spoken . He did—once. And then, silence again. No fight for us. No reassurance. No direction- nothing . So I’ve stepped away.

Here’s my problem though :
We’re going abroad in two weeks—with each of our children. It’s booked, can’t be changed, and I won’t back out. My kids have looked forward to this all year and I’ve saved so hard to take them , and they have no idea that he and I are now “shelved.”

I’m dreading it. Seven days around the pool with someone who’s ghosted me , while trying to keep things normal for the kids. They’ll naturally gravitate toward each other, so I can’t fully avoid him. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage this, I don’t know if I can talk to him like a friend as I’m so hurt . . It’s such an awful predicament. I also deserve this holiday—and trying to handle a breakup alone is hard enough.

I’m doing my best to keep my upset away from the kids, but I’m desperate for this not to be ruined for them.
Any advice? How do you emotionally manage a situation like this when you can’t escape it?
TIA xx

OP posts:
Desmodici · 07/08/2025 07:13

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 17:07

He's training you not to challenge him. You won't bring up these concerns again in case he ignores you. A relationship isn't possible with someone you can't communicate with.

This. 'Behave as I expect or I will punish you so you don't do it again.'

Confusedorabused · 07/08/2025 07:15

Are you all in the same room on the holiday? I would try to book another one. I also wouldn't cancel the holiday if my kids were really looking forward to it.
It won't be a great holiday for you, but I would do it for my kids. Let them play together in the pool etc, but you can have meals separately, perhaps days out separately as well (waterparks and the like). Detatch from him, don't be "together" on the holiday. Would that work?
But PLEASE end things with him. This will be a nightmare of a relationship to keep having in your life!

BonneMaman77 · 07/08/2025 07:18

His behaviour is unacceptable to you, as you say you answered your own question. What do you intend to do about it, have you decided to stay or go, or are you thinking about it?

I ask because that is the emotion you need to manage. Any of the scenarios you’ll need your own room now. If you’ve decided to end it then don’t play happy families, take turn watching kids and doing your own thing without him. If you’re staying or undecided use it to talk to him.

Desmodici · 07/08/2025 07:19

Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:02

So… he did it again. Out of nowhere, he stopped replying to my messages and calls on a Friday afternoon. A few weeks after the last incident. He was meant to be working, but instead switched off his location and went out drinking until the early hours with friends. No warning, no check-in. I didn’t hear from him until the next day, when he vaguely said he “needed to let his hair down” because of stress.

There was little emotional acknowledgment of how he’d treated me—just avoidance. That then led to five more days of silent treatment. He ignored every call and message. When I finally got to see him and addressed it all , he seemed awkward and embarrassed, said his mental health was in a bad place, and that he’s sorry but “just keeps hurting people.”

I know he’s been struggling, but after everything—especially the last incident—I’m finding it hard to believe. The scenarios of what’s really going on are eating away at me. I asked outright right if he was cheating he replied with “ what do I have time for that with the kids?!” Not what I was expecting which would be “ I would never do that to you “ . Anyway He wouldn’t say it was over regardless of his actions and I asked where that left me ?! just kept repeating where he was at like a rabbit in the headlights , just that he “needs to fix himself and his situation,” as I don’t deserve this !.
He said he’d message that night we had spoken . He did—once. And then, silence again. No fight for us. No reassurance. No direction- nothing . So I’ve stepped away.

Here’s my problem though :
We’re going abroad in two weeks—with each of our children. It’s booked, can’t be changed, and I won’t back out. My kids have looked forward to this all year and I’ve saved so hard to take them , and they have no idea that he and I are now “shelved.”

I’m dreading it. Seven days around the pool with someone who’s ghosted me , while trying to keep things normal for the kids. They’ll naturally gravitate toward each other, so I can’t fully avoid him. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to manage this, I don’t know if I can talk to him like a friend as I’m so hurt . . It’s such an awful predicament. I also deserve this holiday—and trying to handle a breakup alone is hard enough.

I’m doing my best to keep my upset away from the kids, but I’m desperate for this not to be ruined for them.
Any advice? How do you emotionally manage a situation like this when you can’t escape it?
TIA xx

He's trying to make you feel sorry for him. It's BS. Glad to hear you're stepping away. Know your worth!
As for the holiday, I think you're just going to have to grey rock him. Get on and do your own thing with the children. There's still a chance he won't go, I imagine.

BernardButlersBra · 07/08/2025 07:22

I vote go on holiday, why should you or your children miss out. Hopefully he won't go as it will coincide with your be of his "needing space", "wanting to get his head together" "feeling overwhelmed" or however it's painted. It must be lovely taking yourself off for a sulk whenever the mood grabs you! Obviously the relationship is over, as it sounds like this is the way it's going to be

Out of curiosity are you aware of any addiction issues that he may be bingeing on during his AWOL phases like illicit drugs, alcohol, gambling etc?

Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:40

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:42

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This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:44

Desmodici · 07/08/2025 07:19

He's trying to make you feel sorry for him. It's BS. Glad to hear you're stepping away. Know your worth!
As for the holiday, I think you're just going to have to grey rock him. Get on and do your own thing with the children. There's still a chance he won't go, I imagine.

Show quote history

I did think that also - would he no show , he was that awkward but I don’t think he would do that to his children either .

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:45

Confusedorabused · 07/08/2025 07:15

Are you all in the same room on the holiday? I would try to book another one. I also wouldn't cancel the holiday if my kids were really looking forward to it.
It won't be a great holiday for you, but I would do it for my kids. Let them play together in the pool etc, but you can have meals separately, perhaps days out separately as well (waterparks and the like). Detatch from him, don't be "together" on the holiday. Would that work?
But PLEASE end things with him. This will be a nightmare of a relationship to keep having in your life!

Edited

We have separate rooms , but sat together on plane , sharing a taxi to airport , direct transfer there etc. I defo cannot book another it’s in the terms of hol cancelling anything now is 100 % charge because so near - I just can’t afford to .
I gave him the benefit of a doubt and tried to be supportive with his struggles that allegedly caused this last time a few week back - but I’ve been with him two and a half years and he has never messed about with location thing or been so cruel it’s been a complete turn around from this man I have fallen hard for - was secretly hoping I was wrong about this all and he was going to come back fighting for “ us” but no - im just staying silent and observing until the holiday - I know I cannot live with this behavior in a relationship , its also my bday in between and another event had plans for , it’s just unravelling and feel like it’s only me in pieces ( I’m also feeling embarrassed) x

OP posts:
mauvaiseherbe · 07/08/2025 07:50

Love Care Trust and Respect - the cornerstones of a relationship as descibed by
Natalie Lui at Baggage Reclaim, well recommended, sorted my head out, with her
tough approach,she ison youtube.

mauvaiseherbe · 07/08/2025 07:51

@Lucyloo42 however here is a short cut - this is not the man for you

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 07:52

BernardButlersBra · 07/08/2025 07:22

I vote go on holiday, why should you or your children miss out. Hopefully he won't go as it will coincide with your be of his "needing space", "wanting to get his head together" "feeling overwhelmed" or however it's painted. It must be lovely taking yourself off for a sulk whenever the mood grabs you! Obviously the relationship is over, as it sounds like this is the way it's going to be

Out of curiosity are you aware of any addiction issues that he may be bingeing on during his AWOL phases like illicit drugs, alcohol, gambling etc?

im thinking this too , how on earth can you do this and expect everything to be manageable on a holiday together . I said this to him and I don’t even think it dawned on him - he said he wasn’t wanting to finish he just needed to sort himself out ?! But no timeframe given or anything .

no I I hadn’t thought of that - why do you think that maybe something with the behaviour pattern ? Worried I’ve not picked up on this if so . His ex was addiction issues which is what broke down their marriage ..

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 07/08/2025 07:57

Dont be embarrassed. He is an arsehole. Do the holiday and then cut him off. Stop lowering your expectations and erasing your boundaries.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 07/08/2025 08:00

I bet his ex wife has a few stories to tell.

Get rid.

Original poster
Lucyloo42 · 07/08/2025 08:05

DorothyStorm · 07/08/2025 07:57

Dont be embarrassed. He is an arsehole. Do the holiday and then cut him off. Stop lowering your expectations and erasing your boundaries.

I’ve been so careful took me along time to trust and let guard down and esp introducing my children to him and his kids , this ghosting behavior has literally only just started in the last month . ( that’s why I’m embarrassed as it’s took me so long and I’ve misjudged yet again ) x

OP posts:
MagpiePi · 07/08/2025 08:14

I'm really sorry that you are going through this.

If this behaviour has only started recently I would strongly suspect he has got someone else on the scene.

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