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Original poster

Men who “just want to be friends” when you’re sleeping together

60 replies

WildflowerGardens · 22/07/2025 13:01

I met a guy, who is single and in his forties, on a dating app in May this year. I am single and in my thirties.

we hit it off immediately, with a strong rapport and excellent chemistry. A few weeks later we were sleeping together every weekend, but he texted that he “felt our relationship is more as friends, to be honest”.

since then he has gone on first dates with other women, I suppose he tells me about this because we are “friends”. We no longer sleep together, but I do feel rather upset. I met him on a dating app, after all.

would you continue with this friendship? I don’t sleep with any other of my friends, of course. I asked him why he saw me as a friend and he said it’s because we got on so well from the start. Confused.

OP posts:
familylawyer01392 · 22/07/2025 13:02

I probably wouldn't continue the friendship if it was upsetting me

TwistedWonder · 22/07/2025 13:04

No. He’s not a friend, he’s keeping you as a back up plan

I’d block him - there’s a lot like that on the apps unfortunately

Original poster
WildflowerGardens · 22/07/2025 13:05

familylawyer01392 · 22/07/2025 13:02

I probably wouldn't continue the friendship if it was upsetting me

Would you talk to him about it or silently detach and distance yourself, do you think?

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 22/07/2025 13:06

Just tell him that this dynamic isn’t working for you and best of luck.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 13:09

He's a sneaky twat. It was only after he slept with you that he told you he didn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't 'want to be friends'. He wants to shag around. You need to move on.

TwistedWonder · 22/07/2025 13:13

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 13:09

He's a sneaky twat. It was only after he slept with you that he told you he didn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't 'want to be friends'. He wants to shag around. You need to move on.

Agree. It’s amazing how many men only realise you’re not relationship material after the shagging.

BeMellowAquaSquid · 22/07/2025 13:14

Friends don’t do this to eachother. Move on, you’re closing yourself off emotionally to someone else who deserves you more.

familylawyer01392 · 22/07/2025 13:14

WildflowerGardens · 22/07/2025 13:05

Would you talk to him about it or silently detach and distance yourself, do you think?

Show quote history

To be honest it would totally depend on our dynamic. However I do always try to communicate and tell people how I feel, I hate miscommunication and wouldn't want something to be misconstrued. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you feeling upset about someone who you have been romantically involved with telling you about other women he is dating and 'friendzoning' you.

Liveafr · 22/07/2025 13:28

Delete and move on

Mulledjuice · 22/07/2025 13:30

Cut him loose. Don't bother discussing it with him.

I wish you knew what an absolute catch you are. This is absolutely not the right guy for you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 22/07/2025 13:30

@WildflowerGardens he friend zoned you and you are in the back ground incase he has a dry spell.
I’d tell him where to go tbh and block .
He is allowed to decide it’s not for him but it’s doing you no good and confusing.

NewspaperChips · 22/07/2025 13:39

I had one of these! I was gutted but persisted as friends for around a month, then moved on and met my now DP.

9 years later my “friend” contacted me out of the blue asking if I was still single, he was. I don’t wish him unhappiness, but it did feel good saying I’ve been happily with DP for 9 years and life is settled and drama free.

Cut him loose, you don’t need that kind of friend.

Lmnop22 · 22/07/2025 13:39

I don’t think he’s done anything massively wrong.

He met you, you got along well and tried a sexual relationship. He didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with you so he told you he would like to be friends. Presumably you accepted since you stayed in touch and he’s no longer sleeping with you and pursuing other people.

I’m afraid it sounds like he just wasn’t into you in that way in the end and if you don’t want to be his friend, then cut contact!

wizzywig · 22/07/2025 13:39

He's keeping you on the back burner

Lifesd · 22/07/2025 13:41

Possibly old fashioned but I think having your cake and eating it applies here

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 22/07/2025 13:41

TwistedWonder · 22/07/2025 13:13

Agree. It’s amazing how many men only realise you’re not relationship material after the shagging.

Show quote history

Precisely.

OP - raise your standards. You don’t need losers like this guy in your life.

NuffSaidSam · 22/07/2025 13:43

TwistedWonder · 22/07/2025 13:13

Agree. It’s amazing how many men only realise you’re not relationship material after the shagging.

Show quote history

I think lots of people tend to sleep together quite early on, before they really know whether they want a relationship with the other person. It'd be quite tiresome if having sex with someone meant you were then morally obligated to pursue a relationship with them.

Mummblebee · 22/07/2025 13:44

He's one of the good ones. Atleast he had the decency to friendzone you! A guy I met online faked a whole relationship with me for 18 months and swore he was committed. Little did I know I was one of many and the whole relationship was a farce. He had his cake and ate it too at the expense of my mental health.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 22/07/2025 13:45

NewspaperChips · 22/07/2025 13:39

I had one of these! I was gutted but persisted as friends for around a month, then moved on and met my now DP.

9 years later my “friend” contacted me out of the blue asking if I was still single, he was. I don’t wish him unhappiness, but it did feel good saying I’ve been happily with DP for 9 years and life is settled and drama free.

Cut him loose, you don’t need that kind of friend.

Same!!!! 😀😀😀😀
I realise now he was putting me on the back burner, wanting to stay ‘friends’.
He is now upset because I am in a proper relationship and I’m happy just to stay friends but now he isn’t!

YodasHairyButt · 22/07/2025 13:45

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 13:09

He's a sneaky twat. It was only after he slept with you that he told you he didn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't 'want to be friends'. He wants to shag around. You need to move on.

This. Ditch him and find someone nicer.

Anyonecanachieve · 22/07/2025 13:46

MiloMinderbinder925 · 22/07/2025 13:09

He's a sneaky twat. It was only after he slept with you that he told you he didn't want a relationship with you. He doesn't 'want to be friends'. He wants to shag around. You need to move on.

This bin him off

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 22/07/2025 13:49

I’d just drop him.

You have to ask yourself here what exactly it is you are getting out of this? Nothing really. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. As soon as he meets someone he likes he’ll drop you like a hot potato.

You met on a dating site, so you are clearly looking for a relationship. How are you going to manage that without making room for a relationship in your life?

Would you be happy if you met someone you wanted to start a relationship with and he had these random “friends” from dating apps that he’d had sex with floating around? No. You’d see him as unavailable (and probably a bit of a tw*t, let’s be real), so why would any decent man you might meet be happy with this arrangement between you and former sexual partners? You’ll scare a decent guy off with the drama.

CandidRaven · 22/07/2025 13:56

Sounds like he was using you for sex then got bored and wanted a new person to then most likely do the same thing to, get rid he's not a friend at all he's a user

Oasisafan · 22/07/2025 13:57

Ditch him. He’s happy to sleep with you but doesn’t want anything serious. He probably doesn’t want anything serious with anyone but being that honest on his dating profile will significantly lessen his ‘pool’ of options.

Meet someone that wants you for all of you and don’t waste you’re time on this one.

TroysMammy · 22/07/2025 13:59

I had one of these 22 years ago but neither of us wanted a relationship. I was in the process of getting divorced and he didn't want to settle down with anyone. We had fun, did stuff, had great sex and I was sad when it ended because he wanted to date other people. Although I lost the social aspect temporarily
we didn't fall out and I'm grateful he was in my life because it made me more confident than I was and made me realise what I liked and wanted in life. I sometimes wish I had listened to his advice regarding relationships though.

I bumped into him yesterday, 10 years after we last saw each other and the friendliness, banter and chat we had was still there. He's still single and at nearly 60 he looks good.

Obviously you want different things so you need to move on without him.