Men who “just want to be friends” when you’re sleeping together

[WildflowerGardens]

I met a guy, who is single and in his forties, on a dating app in May this year. I am single and in my thirties.

we hit it off immediately, with a strong rapport and excellent chemistry. A few weeks later we were sleeping together every weekend, but he texted that he “felt our relationship is more as friends, to be honest”.

since then he has gone on first dates with other women, I suppose he tells me about this because we are “friends”. We no longer sleep together, but I do feel rather upset. I met him on a dating app, after all.

would you continue with this friendship? I don’t sleep with any other of my friends, of course. I asked him why he saw me as a friend and he said it’s because we got on so well from the start. Confused.

Hes hedging his bets and acting like a little boy in a sweet shop. Throw this one bavk.

He’s not one of the good ones 😂 He’s a typical one, gets a few shags then moves on to the next then the next.

The one you had sadly was the extreme end of the dickhead barometer - sorry you went through so much

I think it can be hard to establish a truly easy friendship with someone if you were lovers first and the shift to friendship wasn't quite mutual.

Like PP have said, I think he wants you as a back up plan. No. Absolutely not. I'd back right off, delay answering messages - if you answer them at all. Get back out there and date until you find a man you really like who wants the same as you.

You're not good enough for a relationship, but you're good enough as "Mrs right now" until he finds someone he really likes.
At least that's my experience. If you think he's good enough for a relationship, run for the hills. If you think he's good enough for a shag, stay. (In this case, don't meet him more than once a month, so you don't get attached).

Why would you stay friends with him? What's the point?

Many of us will have been where you are. If is a romantic, exclusive relationship you seek then don't see him anymore. He's not your friend, you are a booty call to him. You do not need to explain it to him either.

He's stringing you along in case he hits a sex dry spell.

He's not into you, he's winding you up telling you about his dates.

He's not a friend.

One of my good friends I met through a dating app. We had a causal relationship for 5 months in 2018. But was clear we got on better as friends. He wasn’t in the head space for a relationship and we had different relationship values. After a few months of NC we ended up bumping into each other snd a friendship developed. It’s been 6 years now.

I am in a healthy relationship of 4 years. He has been dating and just ended a years relationship. No way will be ever be together romantically. We both don’t want that. But he is a great friend.

sometimes it happens if both people feel the same. There have been dates in the past I have been on and enjoyed their company but didn’t fancy.

Not if it’s not working for you, OP. I mean, you barely know him, if you only met him in May. I’m certainly friends with a couple of my exes. But this is just a relationship that didn’t work out after a few weeks. You feel a bit wounded. No need to be friends, or indeed to communicate further.

In what way are you actually friends though? You don’t know each other well. Are you meeting up for coffee to chat about life? Or is he just messaging you? Why would you want the latter (or the former)?!

They really expect women to sit around and wait for them like a 2020s version of Miss Havisham

Women do this too, or at least I did. It's completely normal. You realise the chemistry isn't quite there, or even if it is, you get to know them a bit better and realise the compatibility isn't what it needs to be for a relationship to work. No one should expect commitment from someone just because you're sleeping together.

I've also got a couple of great friends who started as very brief, very casual flings/ONSes back in the mists of time. It's really common and not particularly bad behaviour.

But if OP doesn't feel like just being friends then she doesn't need to be, of course.

I don't know that he's a bad guy as such.

You both jumped into sex quickly, not knowing if you were right for each other. He's decided he doesn't want to pursue a relationship, and that's fine.

If the friendship makes you unhappy, tell him no thank you. A date can become a friend, but not while you feel like he's used you. Just tell him friendship is not something you want .

He’s done nothing wrong. He’s just not into her romantically. At least he hasn’t just ghosted her. It’s probable he doesn’t know how much she likes him. She needs to be honest with him and let him go.

Agree. I've done it, too. You don't have to stay friends.

I think there's many of us who have experienced this crap. I had a bloke who from the start said he was looking for a relationship, had dates, started sleeping together, then he decides that actually he wasn't able to be in a relationship but happy to be friends. Okay fine, whatever. But then as soon as I start looking to date others, he was horrified and wanted a relationship. Ended up having a very short relationship with him because norma expectations were described as me being 'needy'. Sod that
He tried to keep the 'friendship' going, He clearly wanted the option of getting back with me if he couldn't find anything better. I had an excuse for every meet up suggestion to why I couldn't go (terribly busy 😂) because I couldn't be arsed with him.
I found myself a lovely relationship and he messaged me probably a year in to my new relationship trying to start everything back up again and I told him, thanks but no thanks 😂 he was most upset at my unwillingness to jump back in, left a crying emoji and blocked me 😂 I think they honestly think you'll never date again and will be waiting, hoping and preying they'll return

Completely agree with this comment. It definitely sounds like he's keeping you around as a booty call in case his newer dates don't work out. Speaking from experience as I've been the booty call backup plan and just haven't been strong enough to see it. Definitely cut off the "friendship" - don't allow yourself to be used!

Walk away op.

He’s not interested in commitment (possibly even friendship). Men rarely commit after they’ve gotten sex. He’s had it and now he knows that he can get it from you with relative ease, if he wants wants it again in the future. So the lure and interest in you has waned.

im sorry it sucks but move on from him.

Know your worth.

if he wanted you to be his girlfriend, you would be or he’d have asked you at least.

💯 move on.

Sorry it’s upsetting for you.

I my case we both wanted to be friends. We won’t have been good friends if one liked the other. When we were both single I had a very very brief thought of why can’t I fancy you as we would be perfect. But I just don’t want to see him naked, so no point.

i very quickly met DP and forgot about any other guy.

Don't worry, all these other women he's "dating" will be treated the same way. It's absolutely nothing to do with you, he's crazy.

Oh yes, because the poor confused man didn’t realise that he wasn’t into OP until after he’d had sex 🙄

OP, he’s a twat, don’t contact him again.

Yep , please be carefull don't get hurt in the long term . Yes confusing but don't think he is long term for you .