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Original poster

Money disagreement post maternity leave

115 replies

KayleighMum1 · 18/07/2025 14:53

I’ve recently returned to work after having my first child. I was paid for most of my mat leave and my partner picked up a greater share when I went down to half pay.

We are now at loggerheads as I work PT and my partner thinks I don’t earn enough to do as ‘few’ a hours (still over 20 a week) and I feel he resents that he will need to pay more. I have made the childcare point but he says with the free hours the cost saving is minimal.

Can I please ask how you would look at splitting the below.

-House bills including Mortgage (c.£1200 a month)
-Food/child costs (c.£500 a month)
-Total - £1700 a month

Person 1 - take home c.£1000
Person 2 - take home c.£3000

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2025 20:10

The car is his sole responsibility it doesn't benefit you in anyway nor can you use it so he needs to be responsible for it and not include it in the bills.

Is the car never used to transport the OP, their child or anything that their household uses?

Newmumburnout · 18/07/2025 20:19

Both people put 42.5% of their salary into the joint account to cover household bills and childcare.

Edenmum2 · 18/07/2025 20:22

I would never ever give up those short short years with my child. You agreed you would do PT prior to the birth and you have over £2k left over each month? I don’t understand why it’s even a conversation. I know everyone is different but I only have 2 friends who went back to work full time (due to financial necessity) and they both hate it with a passion and are constantly wishing for more time with their children. I just think he’s massively out of order for changing his mind now your baby is here.

Sellenis · 18/07/2025 20:25

Why are all these posters imagining the OP has unilaterally decided to go PT after the fact, when she has clearly stated it was agreed before she had the baby.

The one unilaterally deciding she must work full time is the "partner".

No wonder the birth rate is tanking. What is the point of men. They're not providers any more, and they're not nurturers either.

pucksack · 18/07/2025 20:31

No wonder the birth rate is tanking. What is the point of men

It's tanking because many women want more than babies & life is expensive...

pucksack · 18/07/2025 20:38

I know everyone is different but I only have 2 friends who went back to work full time (due to financial necessity) and they both hate it with a passion and are constantly wishing for more time with their children.

I hate this narrative.

I have friends who work f/t who love their jobs and they are good at it. After 2 years off I was climbing the walls. I love my dc very much but don't want to spend all my time with them.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2025 20:38

I simply can’t comprehend these 50% of everything situations when incomes aren’t remotely the same - surely it’s better to have all income in a pot - all bills out including childcare and the remainder split between you . I can’t see that working full time will help enormously as your childcare at this stage will jump up by some way and clearly you aren’t well paid . It comes down to ‘are you a family or not’ and if people wont share fairly then it needs discussion as to why not - how would they cope if you lost your job etc ??

Anxioustealady · 18/07/2025 21:39

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2025 20:38

I simply can’t comprehend these 50% of everything situations when incomes aren’t remotely the same - surely it’s better to have all income in a pot - all bills out including childcare and the remainder split between you . I can’t see that working full time will help enormously as your childcare at this stage will jump up by some way and clearly you aren’t well paid . It comes down to ‘are you a family or not’ and if people wont share fairly then it needs discussion as to why not - how would they cope if you lost your job etc ??

I agree. I cannot imagine being a man and seeing a woman I claim to love go through pregnancy and childbirth, raise my child and do most of the housework, and THEN want to say it's 50/50.

Even if they do it proportionally, he'd have £1.7k left a month to do as he pleases and she'd have around £500, some of which will be spent on the child. I think that's disgusting tbh. I would never see my partner struggle and count pennies while I had lots of disposable income.

Crikeyalmighty · 18/07/2025 23:21

@Anxioustealady yep , let’s be honest the OP probably has by far the majority of child centred caring , I personally would think way less of a guy that wanted it always to be 50/50 - regardless of what the family financial situation was at that time. My mind would be doing overtime, what if one of the kids was seriously ill and I couldn’t work or I had an accident - you are either a team or you aren’t and it seems to me a lot of these guys want someone to share equally lifes expenses - it seems very transactional - and most definitely not a team and before anyone says the same could be true of high earning women , I’ve rarely seen high earning women on mumsnet who earn way more than partners and have kids not understanding that it’s a team effort and that financially they may well be putting more into the pot .

Original poster
KayleighMum1 · 19/07/2025 09:13

Shinyandnew1 · 18/07/2025 20:10

The car is his sole responsibility it doesn't benefit you in anyway nor can you use it so he needs to be responsible for it and not include it in the bills.

Is the car never used to transport the OP, their child or anything that their household uses?

Yes it is, I always offer to contribute to petrol etc which he usually declined unless we are driving hours somewhere on holiday.

OP posts:
PineConeOrDogPoo · 19/07/2025 10:11

BrieAndChilli · 18/07/2025 20:09

I just couldnt live like some of my friends where they are constantly totting up what they have spent on house stuff of kids stuff or kids xmas presents etc and constantly transferring money, getting anooyed because they paid more towards the school uniform etc!

Since we went travelling together me and DH have always pooled our money. So that was the status quo before kids arrives. When I has our first i earned slightly more. We decided that we wanted a parent at home so i stayed at home for 1 year maternity and then dod part time work in the evening.
we then had our 3 quite close together which lessened the time i needed to be at home (rather than like friends having to wait until one started school before having another due to nursery costs)

once the youngest started school i got a job within school hours and as they have gotten older i have increased my hours. I know work full time and they are all older teens (14+)

DH earns more than me due to carrying on with his career whilst i did part time ‘lesser non career jobs’ but recognises this fact and we still completely share finances as a family unit and he realised that my contribution over the years has been more than financial and was a joint decision.

Finances have always been bills first followed by what the kids need and then whatever is left we just use. Some months i kay buy more others he spends more. No one keeps a tally.

my career is getting there and maybe in the future he can retire a little early or go part time whilst i will be happy to continue full time.

This ^^

PineConeOrDogPoo · 19/07/2025 10:12

Anxioustealady · 18/07/2025 21:39

I agree. I cannot imagine being a man and seeing a woman I claim to love go through pregnancy and childbirth, raise my child and do most of the housework, and THEN want to say it's 50/50.

Even if they do it proportionally, he'd have £1.7k left a month to do as he pleases and she'd have around £500, some of which will be spent on the child. I think that's disgusting tbh. I would never see my partner struggle and count pennies while I had lots of disposable income.

Show quote history

And this ^^

Hohoholymoley · 19/07/2025 10:20

He pays 75% and you pay 25%.

Crikeyalmighty · 19/07/2025 11:14

@BrieAndChilli exactly - this totting up comes over so much like a business arrangement .

cakeisallyouneed · 19/07/2025 11:42

If a company treated their staff to lunch should they say to the administrators that they can only have a main course whereas other team members will be treated to main course and dessert because they earn more. No. All members of the team should be treated the same if they value the contribution of all staff. The higher paid staff couldn’t do their job without the lower paid admin.
What a role earns is not the only way to measure its value.
This is the same in a family. Why should you have less to save and spend than your DP.
Any split should be based on you and your DH having the same amount to save and spend at the end of the month. This is assuming that your DP is in agreement with you going PT. It sounds like he is changing his mind on this now he’s realising he could have less money to save/spend on himself.

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