Money disagreement post maternity leave

[KayleighMum1]

I’ve recently returned to work after having my first child. I was paid for most of my mat leave and my partner picked up a greater share when I went down to half pay.

We are now at loggerheads as I work PT and my partner thinks I don’t earn enough to do as ‘few’ a hours (still over 20 a week) and I feel he resents that he will need to pay more. I have made the childcare point but he says with the free hours the cost saving is minimal.

Can I please ask how you would look at splitting the below.

-House bills including Mortgage (c.£1200 a month)
-Food/child costs (c.£500 a month)
-Total - £1700 a month

Person 1 - take home c.£1000
Person 2 - take home c.£3000

He's perfectly happy for her to do most of the childcare. What a sad attitude towards a woman wanting to spend more time with her child when they can afford for her to do so.

We have a joint and our own accounts. We do this so we can spend whats left on what we want or treat the other.
But we both put equally in the joint, he pays for petrol and most of our days out and I do the food shopping. Then if I need money I use his card if he needs money he uses mine. There is no mine and his money, it's ours as a family

I think if you are going to work part time, that needs to be a joint agreement.

It can’t just be a decision made by you, and he expected to fund it.

We would split it like this:

Household bills
-House bills including Mortgage (c.£1200 a month)
-Food/child costs (c.£500 a month)
-Total - £1700 a month

Household income
c.£4000

Remaining to save/spend
£2,300

Why is there a salary difference? Is that purely down to ours or if you weren’t full-time would you still be the lower earner

If you want your relationship/marriage to last, it has to be a joint decision that one of the parents only works PT. If only you stick to your guns and do PT just to have more time with your child your partner will grow resentful and your relationship may not survive.

Obviously, most moms including me would love to work only PT to stay with our babies but in many cases this is not suitable. Probably you are just budgeting that you will survive, for what 5-6 years? He may think that living that much frugal for that long is not good.

Will you have more kids? Then the budget will increase , will it still be enough?

I'd be livid and resentful if my DH decided to work PT just because he makes less than me without proving me that we would pay more in childcare than he would get in his salary. These important decisions must be made in agreement if you want your relationship to last. Obviously if you go back to work, all house chores and child duties have to be split 50/50.

He's perfectly happy for her to do most of the childcare.

How can he do if if he's working?

There would still be a disparity if I was FT, as he is in a more senior role.

@KayleighMum1 does he feel stress over the finances? You don't have a huge buffer each month.

You aren't married either.

So has he paid you for carrying his child. And paid you for giving birth?

He should want what’s best for your baby and choosing to work part-time is best; you’ve got enough money coming is so it should go into one pot and you both have the same personal spending money.

Are you able to get a higher paying job so you can still work part time but contribute more to the family finances? You must be on a low salary to bring in only £1k for 20 hours.

We have over £2000 disposable which I feel is plenty and we have rainy day savings etc. I’m not sure how much spare he’d be happy with tbh!

He should want what’s best for your baby and choosing to work part-time is best

maybe he wants to work p/t?

MNs is quite old fashioned in this regard. I could not work and DH could take a more demanding role but that would mean him
missing a lot of the dcs lives. He has a more relaxed role so can do drop offs and pick ups, eat dinner with us, ferry dc to extracurriculars etc

We have over £2000 disposable which I feel is plenty and we have rainy day savings etc. I’m not sure how much spare he’d be happy with tbh!

But I asked what he thought? It's not 2k disposable as you will be saving some of that. If he lost his job can you live on your salary?

Is the house in both names?

Why is it a bit off to share all money? You are a family with a child. Why should one person have more disposable income?

Do you as a couple have savings or does he have savings? If you left him tomorrow would you have any access to that money?

The trouble is, if you don’t get back to Work sharpish that’s never gonna change and he will always be in the more senior role and always see the money as his it would appear
Believe me, I ran two businesses worked full-time at some stage stages, Was the breadwinner while he stayed at home For a number of years
And when we got divorced, was still described as having sat on my arse for 10 years
By the judge
I know it’s not fair, But enjoy your baby during the evenings and weekends.

Yeah, I don’t understand why this wouldn’t be the best set up? I’m guessing you have nothing left at the end of the month and he is putting all his spare money into things for himself or investments (guessing they won’t be in your name either). He’s got a family now and should accept that his money is family money and you both have equal say in how it is spent and invested.

The car is his sole responsibility it doesn't benefit you in anyway nor can you use it so he needs to be responsible for it and not include it in the bills.

I would say 25/75 is probably the most fair on him but it still fucks you over as the lower earner

The car is his sole responsibility it doesn't benefit you in anyway nor can you use it so he needs to be responsible for it and not include it in the bills.

Presumably it’s a family car? And the op gets the benefits of being driven.

I’m the only driver in my house (medical reasons) but the costs come from joint income, it benefits us all.

I didn’t say earlier that I’m PT, joint decision, still pool funds. Though TBF I’m still a higher tax payer at PT.

DH was supposed to do the same (x4 days each) but his promotion made that more difficult.

I just couldnt live like some of my friends where they are constantly totting up what they have spent on house stuff of kids stuff or kids xmas presents etc and constantly transferring money, getting anooyed because they paid more towards the school uniform etc!

Since we went travelling together me and DH have always pooled our money. So that was the status quo before kids arrives. When I has our first i earned slightly more. We decided that we wanted a parent at home so i stayed at home for 1 year maternity and then dod part time work in the evening.
we then had our 3 quite close together which lessened the time i needed to be at home (rather than like friends having to wait until one started school before having another due to nursery costs)

once the youngest started school i got a job within school hours and as they have gotten older i have increased my hours. I know work full time and they are all older teens (14+)

DH earns more than me due to carrying on with his career whilst i did part time ‘lesser non career jobs’ but recognises this fact and we still completely share finances as a family unit and he realised that my contribution over the years has been more than financial and was a joint decision.

Finances have always been bills first followed by what the kids need and then whatever is left we just use. Some months i kay buy more others he spends more. No one keeps a tally.

my career is getting there and maybe in the future he can retire a little early or go part time whilst i will be happy to continue full time.

The car is his sole responsibility it doesn't benefit you in anyway nor can you use it so he needs to be responsible for it and not include it in the bills.

Perhaps he drives to work? I do...