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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

‘You are all I’ve got’ SHIT!!!!!!

62 replies

Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:25

Bit of back story.

Been together 4 years. 2 kids (not together but one each). He moved in to my house (biggest mistake ever!)

We have had a very up and down relationship. He has suffered with addiction and MH issues, as a result of living though this I suffered with MH issues too.

He is now sober and better. I am getting better, working though the things that happened etc His family have never liked me at all, initially no reason then they blamed me for a RELAPSE (I didn’t know he was an addict when we met!!!) they have been abusive towards me and my child and I cut contact with then 1.5 years ago. He remained in contact with them, although much less.

fast forward to now, the mother of his child is taking him back to court to amend the child arrangement order to give him less him that initially agreed in court. His family back her in this.

He has told me he won’t fight this in court and will accept less time with his child.(shocking!) He has also (spectacularly) disowned his family this week without telling me beforehand and now keeps on about how he has lost his family and child for me and I am all he has now, almost insinuating I should be grateful of this?!!!

Truth is, as I have rebuilt from this relationship I want to leave him. I want him gone. But I do feel guilty he has pinned everything on our (awful) relationship…but I don’t love him or really like him tbh HELP!!!!

OP posts:
Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 18/07/2025 11:26

Crunch time =your mh versus his.
The time to do the Pick Me Dance..
Save yourself op.
Feel no guilt.

pinkyredrose · 18/07/2025 11:27

Time for him to move out.

Original poster
Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:30

Why do I feel so guilty?? This man has been an absolute nightmare and has bought so much baggage (and emergency services!) to my door

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/07/2025 11:31

He probably knows you're on your way out, so he's claiming to have scorched the earth, thinking that'll trap you into letting him stay.

Bin now. If he's doing this, its guaranteed that he will also be making his sobriety your responsibility along with his entire entertainment, food, housing and support service system.

icantgetnosheep1 · 18/07/2025 11:32

Just be honest, your mental state is the most important thing here.. him disowning his family and breaking away from his child is a huge mistake on his part - which he will blame you for of course. Making you feel guilty is actually part of the plan, that way you’re trapped. Make crystal clear that you’re done and send him pack asap.

PopThatBench · 18/07/2025 11:36

He’ll have sensed you’re clocking out and is making one last attempt to pin you down.
It’s emotional manipulation.
I had a friend who stayed engaged to someone for years because he kept saying “if you leave me, I’ll kill myself”.
She eventually put herself first and left him… he’s still alive.

BodenCardiganNot · 18/07/2025 11:37

Put your own child first. What sort of life have they been living for the last few years.

Rizzz · 18/07/2025 11:39

No mention of the guilt your feel for moving a mentally ill addict into your child's home?

Move him out and if you get any pangs of guilt, think about your child's personal space.

gamerchick · 18/07/2025 11:42

Stop. He KNOWs you have had enough, he's trying to trap you into feeling you owe him.

Strike while the iron is hot, send him back to his family. Yes there will be fallout but it's not your problem. Think of your kid.

Original poster
Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:48

Rizzz · 18/07/2025 11:39

No mention of the guilt your feel for moving a mentally ill addict into your child's home?

Move him out and if you get any pangs of guilt, think about your child's personal space.

Absolutely take your point and I do feel awful for everything that has happened. But I am working on getting him out. My child is not aware of this but of course will be pleased

OP posts:
Original poster
Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:49

Rizzz · 18/07/2025 11:39

No mention of the guilt your feel for moving a mentally ill addict into your child's home?

Move him out and if you get any pangs of guilt, think about your child's personal space.

And tbh, as is always the case, I did not know he was mentally ill or an addict when he moved in otherwise I absolutely would not have done! Feeling the absolute idiot for this now!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:50

PopThatBench · 18/07/2025 11:36

He’ll have sensed you’re clocking out and is making one last attempt to pin you down.
It’s emotional manipulation.
I had a friend who stayed engaged to someone for years because he kept saying “if you leave me, I’ll kill myself”.
She eventually put herself first and left him… he’s still alive.

I am just so ick’d out by it all!! And I can’t believe would make himself so vulnerable!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 18/07/2025 11:50

Rizzz · 18/07/2025 11:39

No mention of the guilt your feel for moving a mentally ill addict into your child's home?

Move him out and if you get any pangs of guilt, think about your child's personal space.

Where does it say her kid lives with her? Anyway Op, give him a month to find somewhere.

Hatty65 · 18/07/2025 11:50

Get him out. He's bad for both you and your child and you are not his rehab centre.

You don't owe anyone your mental health. No need to feel guilty. He's an adult and has made his own shitty choices. He can deal with the consequences of them.

Rizzz · 18/07/2025 11:53

Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:49

And tbh, as is always the case, I did not know he was mentally ill or an addict when he moved in otherwise I absolutely would not have done! Feeling the absolute idiot for this now!

Show quote history

How long did you date him for before moving him in?

CoraPirbright · 18/07/2025 11:55

Golly his own family back his ex in her attempt to reduce his contact? What is their reasoning for this when he is currently clean/mentally in a decent state?

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 18/07/2025 11:56

Can you get therapy for your child? Being made to live with an addict is an Adverse Childhood Experience that can impact a child for life.
Focus on your child, and working on your self esteem and standards so that you would only choose an excellent, life enhancing boyfriend in future.

Don't give this bloke a second of thought, or indulge him in any arguing or whining, just remove him from your property, with the help of the police if he chooses to behave badly.

Apocketfilledwithposies · 18/07/2025 11:58

Think of yourself and your own child op.

Get him out. His family can support him seeing as they apparently think so little of you surely they will welcome him back with open arms. 🙄 But even if they don't, not your problem!

Your child must be your only priority here. Get shot of him pronto.

MatildaTheCat · 18/07/2025 12:01

Just get him out and quickly. He’s not going to go nicely or quietly though. Do you have some backup to help you? If necessary inform the police in advance so they are aware if he kicks off.

No point in dragging it out. Anything he chooses to do afterwards is his decision and his alone.

Shar270 · 18/07/2025 12:05

He's made his choices - often without even telling you - now it's time for you to make your choice and end this.

tara66 · 18/07/2025 12:06

Yes moving him in to your house was a mistake as he may have a claim to some of its value if he lived there for 4 years. Would he go to court?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/07/2025 12:06

Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:48

Absolutely take your point and I do feel awful for everything that has happened. But I am working on getting him out. My child is not aware of this but of course will be pleased

Show quote history

Working on? That's what he's counting on.

You need to leave now.

But I've nowhere to go.

Not my problem.

I fucked off my family for you.

Not my problem.

I'll have to sleep in the park.

It's summer. And it's not my problem.

I'm sober.

Great. You still need to leave now.

I might as well go and get a fuckton of smack then.

Do what you want. It's not my problem.

I'll slash my wrists then, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

As long as you're not doing it on my laminate, its not my problem.

I can't belieeeeeeeve you're doing this to me now.

Well, I am.

I'll tell everybody what you're like.

OK.

You can't make me, I have rights.

Not to live here, you don't. If you do not leave now, I will call the police and have you removed.

I'll show those bastards if they come here.

Cool. You'll be arrested in that case, but I suppose it solves the issue of you not having somewhere to sleep tonight. You've got five minutes.

That's not enough time to pack.

Shouldn't have wasted it arguing with me, then. One binbag or two?

Be brutal. It's not as if he wasn't whenever he wanted something, was it?

MageQueen · 18/07/2025 12:07

Far mor elikely the rest of his family, and his ex, are kicking HIM out. He's telling you complete lies in an attempt to guilt you into letting him stay becuase he knows this won't work. I'd get him out soon as you can. There's no reason to stay in a relationship that makes you and your child unhappy and he is NOT your responsibility.

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 18/07/2025 12:16

NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/07/2025 12:06

Working on? That's what he's counting on.

You need to leave now.

But I've nowhere to go.

Not my problem.

I fucked off my family for you.

Not my problem.

I'll have to sleep in the park.

It's summer. And it's not my problem.

I'm sober.

Great. You still need to leave now.

I might as well go and get a fuckton of smack then.

Do what you want. It's not my problem.

I'll slash my wrists then, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

As long as you're not doing it on my laminate, its not my problem.

I can't belieeeeeeeve you're doing this to me now.

Well, I am.

I'll tell everybody what you're like.

OK.

You can't make me, I have rights.

Not to live here, you don't. If you do not leave now, I will call the police and have you removed.

I'll show those bastards if they come here.

Cool. You'll be arrested in that case, but I suppose it solves the issue of you not having somewhere to sleep tonight. You've got five minutes.

That's not enough time to pack.

Shouldn't have wasted it arguing with me, then. One binbag or two?

Be brutal. It's not as if he wasn't whenever he wanted something, was it?

Show quote history

This should be pinned to the top of the relationships board. 🙌

SheridansPortSalut · 18/07/2025 12:17

Skeletonheart · 18/07/2025 11:30

Why do I feel so guilty?? This man has been an absolute nightmare and has bought so much baggage (and emergency services!) to my door

....because he's manipulating you.