‘You are all I’ve got’ SHIT!!!!!!

[Skeletonheart]

Bit of back story.

Been together 4 years. 2 kids (not together but one each). He moved in to my house (biggest mistake ever!)

We have had a very up and down relationship. He has suffered with addiction and MH issues, as a result of living though this I suffered with MH issues too.

He is now sober and better. I am getting better, working though the things that happened etc His family have never liked me at all, initially no reason then they blamed me for a RELAPSE (I didn’t know he was an addict when we met!!!) they have been abusive towards me and my child and I cut contact with then 1.5 years ago. He remained in contact with them, although much less.

fast forward to now, the mother of his child is taking him back to court to amend the child arrangement order to give him less him that initially agreed in court. His family back her in this.

He has told me he won’t fight this in court and will accept less time with his child.(shocking!) He has also (spectacularly) disowned his family this week without telling me beforehand and now keeps on about how he has lost his family and child for me and I am all he has now, almost insinuating I should be grateful of this?!!!

Truth is, as I have rebuilt from this relationship I want to leave him. I want him gone. But I do feel guilty he has pinned everything on our (awful) relationship…but I don’t love him or really like him tbh HELP!!!!

Your poor child...

Don't feel bad or guilty. Everything he's done is as a result of his decisions He's clean and back on his feet. It's now time for him to stand on them.

He's an adult and it's not your role in life to look after him.

You likely feel guilty as well for inflicting this red flag of an individual on your children. He targeted you deliberately and your boundaries have been further harmed by him.

get him gone today

This 100 per cent. Also.

I think He's claiming he's completely fallen out with his family because he thinks you will believe he has nowhere else to go, so he's "closed" the option of staying with family.
He thinks you will be less likely to send him packing.

BUT
-He can rebuild the relationship with them, if its true he's really fallen out.
-They blame you for a relapse anyway, so hopefully they will be glad he's out.
-You didn't make him fall out with this family. He did that. He cannot blame you. --They ought to be glad that you've been his dedicated minder for four years.

This sounds like a terrible living situation for your
but more particularly for your child.
Don't let guilt stop you from being free of the person who is inflicting this on you.
Talk to Women's Aid about ways to safely get him to leave.

Does he work, does he pay towards bills and food.
You need to give a relationship a good few years before they move in. Much easier to dump when you don't live together.

This person is not your responsibility.

He sounds unstable in many ways and as a mother of a young of child you should be putting them first.

You’ve noted how disgusting it is that he’s happy to have his child less. Would you have planned children with him in the future? Not only is this risky with a person who has additional and mental health issues but it shows that if you were to split after kids he would be happy to walk away and leave you literally holding the baby.

The fact that your own mental health has suffered due to trying to support this man is so sad for you and your child. Don’t waste another moment giving your energy to this.

Reclaim your life and power.

This! Is your child still under 18 and living at home?

Because he is guilt-tripping you. He is a grown man and you are not responsible for his mental health, only for your own and that of your child. I am think you are right to leave him.

They have some odd ideas about me but I think I truth they wanted him to stay living at home and caring for this parents so when he moved in to me they were not happy

About 14 months or so

He has told me he won’t fight this in court and will accept less time with his child.(shocking!) He has also (spectacularly) disowned his family this week without telling me beforehand

that is shocking. well, turn this right back on him. Tell him this is the last straw, you cant trust or respect a person who doesn’t put his own child first and who will throw off his family. If he can do that to them, you can’t trust he won’t do it to you too in the future. If someone tells you who they are, believe them!
make sure this utterly shitty manipulation backfires on him.

stay strong.

And he showed no signs whatsoever of addiction or mental illness?

Oh well they’ll doubtless forgive and have him back. Sounds like they deserve each other.

Absolutely would not have had anymore children especially with him!

Thank you

Your child would be happier if he left - that’s all you need to out the guilt aside. You don’t owe him anything. You owe your child safety, security and stability. This horrible man in your space is taking that away. He isn’t even willing to parent his own child and everyone around him, including his own family, believe it is in his child’s best interest to reduce contact.

If you don’t take that as the biggest “get him away from my own child” then you need to give yourself a serious shake. This isn’t about him. Stop feeling bad for him and put your own child (and yourself) first.

Just under the age of 18 and yes lives with me full time. See’s dad about once a week

People can pretend all sorts of stuff when they're trying to get someone to house them, and access to a child.

Addicts tend to be good at lying.

They can be, but I can't help feeling the OP should've made him turn round and walk straight back out of her child's home, as soon as she realised the truth.

It was alcohol. So he would drink but not to damaging amounts. Occassional bottle of wine. No mention ever of an addiction or anything although I didn’t know what he did when we were not together. Within 3 months of moving in he was drinking every single day excruciating amounts.

I just can’t imagine moving a boyfriend in after 14 months when you have a child! I didn’t move in with my OH until we’d been together for 4 years and neither of us had children.

Anyway, sorry I know that isn’t helpful to you OP to say that now but just…. 🤯

Get him gone OP- he is a nightmare. You don’t need to feel guilty. He has messed up his own life through addiction, poor choices and poor relationships. You tried to make it work with him and it doesn’t so you can move on guilt free- you don’t owe him anything and you aren’t responsible for his happiness or stability. Good luck 💐

So what was your reasoning in allowing him to remain living in your child's home?

Im a bit concerned that you didn't see any signs of who he was or the red flags he must have been waving in front of your face for 14months, you should have seen something by then.
Maybe look at the freedom project course, your priorities seem skewed.

And sorry, he did mentioned his mental health took a hit after his separation from his ex partner but i thought that this was understandable at the time.

turns out he has controlling tendency and i now know the fact she left him must have tipped him over the edge mentally

You don’t want to be in a relationship with him, it’s your house, I expect he is making your child’s life miserable, and yet you haven’t kicked him out yet?
Ok we get it, you didn’t know he was an addict when you moved him into your child’s home & supposed safe space, but now that you do know, why the fuck haven’t you kicked him straight back out????

Yet again a thread where an awful “man” is prioritised above an innocent child 🙄

This sounds horrible for you, but please get that man out of your child's home. Today.