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Men who seem gay but aren’t

59 replies

Whitehorses67 · 18/07/2025 07:06

Maybe it’s because I am in my mid fifties and don’t get out much so am not familiar with “yoof” these days but I recently met a friend’s daughter and son in law for the first time and it has left me pondering.

They have been together for a few years, have a child and want another.
He was a really friendly chap, very chatty and kind. I liked him very much.

I came away a bit unsettled though because I very much got the vibe of a gay man.

Talking to him was like gossiping with a girlfriend which is not something I have ever felt talking to a straight man.

Of course I appreciate that there are varying degrees of “blokeness” in fact both my ex husbands got on well with women (the last one rather TOO well!) and weren’t macho types and I have had several gay male friends over the years and I am aware that there isn’t a single identity or personality type but this young man’s demeanour, conversational style and content, even appearance screamed gay to me.

Not my business as not my family but I was left with a niggling worry that this will all go horribly wrong if this chap isn’t being honest with himself or my friend’s daughter.

Anyway, my question here is do lots of young men present like this now?

OP posts:
DreamyRedNewt · 18/07/2025 07:14

I don't know if it is only young people...I can think about two men that give me that vibe too, one of them really strongly and they are both nearly in their 50's. Both married with kids...who knows, the same as a woman can be less feminine and can like traditionally manly things and not be a lesbian, the same applies to men I guess. What I mean is that they are not necessarily gay (but they could!) It's 2025, I don't see why anyone would hide their sexuality...you'll never know

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 18/07/2025 07:19

Wow.

Present like what? Themselves?

'screamed gay' how horrendously homophobic.

Sad that there is still so much narrow mindedness.

the same as a woman can be less feminine and can like traditionally manly things and not be a lesbian

WTF? I don't even know where to start with this statement.

Whitehorses67 · 18/07/2025 07:25

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 18/07/2025 07:19

Wow.

Present like what? Themselves?

'screamed gay' how horrendously homophobic.

Sad that there is still so much narrow mindedness.

the same as a woman can be less feminine and can like traditionally manly things and not be a lesbian

WTF? I don't even know where to start with this statement.

Christ on a bike.
Have you never heard gay friends talk about their “gaydar”?

OP posts:
BerkshirePerson · 18/07/2025 07:26

Duncan Norvelle

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 18/07/2025 07:29

I can think of 10 celebs straight away who give that vibe.
It's nothing new.
Lionel Blair anyone? 😎

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 18/07/2025 07:30

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 18/07/2025 07:19

Wow.

Present like what? Themselves?

'screamed gay' how horrendously homophobic.

Sad that there is still so much narrow mindedness.

the same as a woman can be less feminine and can like traditionally manly things and not be a lesbian

WTF? I don't even know where to start with this statement.

How is any of that homophobic? Get a life.

Are you saying a woman has to conform to gender roles in order to not a lesbian?Surely not.

notimeforregrets · 18/07/2025 07:31

Gaydar is real, common!

helluvatime · 18/07/2025 07:32

nopiesleftinthisvehicle · 18/07/2025 07:29

I can think of 10 celebs straight away who give that vibe.
It's nothing new.
Lionel Blair anyone? 😎

Lionel Blair's not gay?

AgnesX · 18/07/2025 07:36

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 18/07/2025 07:19

Wow.

Present like what? Themselves?

'screamed gay' how horrendously homophobic.

Sad that there is still so much narrow mindedness.

the same as a woman can be less feminine and can like traditionally manly things and not be a lesbian

WTF? I don't even know where to start with this statement.

So disgenuous.

LittleJustice · 18/07/2025 07:45

I seem to go out with men like this, they are never gay. They're sensitive and gentle heterosexual men. They do exist.

LittleJustice · 18/07/2025 07:46

Oh, and I'm mid 50s, some of these are my ex boyfriends from years ago. None of them have ever come out subsequently.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 18/07/2025 07:50

A friend of mine used to play ‘gay? - or European?’ around the pool on holidays in the med.

Metrosexual it’s been called here for a while, but yes I can think of a few men who I’d assumed were gay on first meeting but apparently aren’t. Given their social groups I find it unlikely they’re all in the closet.

The way people present is cultural thing, so yeah that probably has opened up.

Bea372 · 18/07/2025 07:51

They could be bi rather than gay of course. We had a bloke at university who everyone assumed was gay but said he was straight. I also watch a married (to a woman) travel youtuber who I would have 100% assumed was gay.

My ex said he was straight though - for 20 years no less - turned out he wasn't, just didn't want anyone to know. Still no one knows apart from me and he would be devastated if anyone else found out. Plenty of men have 'beards'. Plenty of supposedly straight men are having sex with men behind their wives backs.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 18/07/2025 07:54

I’ve come across a few men like this. All of them have been utterly devoted to their wives, interestingly.

I call them Just Gay Enough.

QueefQueen80s · 18/07/2025 07:54

Yes it’s weird isn’t it, there are celebs I was 100% sure were gay and just couldn’t imagine them with a woman, I was very shocked to discover they were married. I didn’t think gay people marrying women was a thing now.
David Walliams
Noel Fielding
Patrick (judge on sewing bee)

Whitehorses67 · 18/07/2025 07:56

QueefQueen80s · 18/07/2025 07:54

Yes it’s weird isn’t it, there are celebs I was 100% sure were gay and just couldn’t imagine them with a woman, I was very shocked to discover they were married. I didn’t think gay people marrying women was a thing now.
David Walliams
Noel Fielding
Patrick (judge on sewing bee)

Edited

Patrick isn’t gay???
Blimey. My gaydar is clearly broken then

OP posts:
Whitehorses67 · 18/07/2025 07:57

BlueEyedBogWitch · 18/07/2025 07:54

I’ve come across a few men like this. All of them have been utterly devoted to their wives, interestingly.

I call them Just Gay Enough.

Wish I had met one of these.

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 18/07/2025 07:59

It’s just blown my mind that Patrick isn’t gay

WhyDoiGiveValuableTime · 18/07/2025 08:00

I was convinced DS was gay growing up, he's 17 now and dates girls/exclusively has only friends who are girls. They are crazy comfortable with him, so I wonder if it is a vibe he unintentionally gives off. I wouldnt be shocked if he told me he was though.

Frostiesflakes · 18/07/2025 08:04

I was thinking this after reading the post about the husband telling his wife he was bisexual and I was thinking did she not get any vibe that he was into men at all

my son is gay but unless you spoke to him for quite a while you wouldn’t guess but after a while you might think mmm maybe your gay

his partner is much more obvious and no doubt at all

But my neighbour split up with his wife last year and told her he was gay / bi and is now with a man

she was blindsided but to me and my husband and others it wasn’t a surprise at all my gaydar was pinging with him from the start 😂

on holiday last year we we become friendly with a gay couple and one of things that cracked me up is that one of them said about my husband when chatting to each other no one would ever think your gay 😂

maybe some people are more attuned to people

Eric1964 · 18/07/2025 08:06

QueefQueen80s · 18/07/2025 07:54

Yes it’s weird isn’t it, there are celebs I was 100% sure were gay and just couldn’t imagine them with a woman, I was very shocked to discover they were married. I didn’t think gay people marrying women was a thing now.
David Walliams
Noel Fielding
Patrick (judge on sewing bee)

Edited

I definitely assumed Patrick was gay. He's kind of a hero of mine: yes, he's naturally handsome, but he dresses so well. He's an example and a beacon to slobs like me.

KaitlynnFairchild · 18/07/2025 08:07

My husband is the campest man I know, I swear he checks out men in the gym and doesn’t notice the women at all!

susey · 18/07/2025 08:11

OP you are not alone in thinking this - we recently spent time with some families with young kids, mums and husbands/dads all age around 40 and all the four men very soft spoken, some bordering on camp. I'd say they were all very middle class and I'd not noticed this before growing up. But it's inconsequential. Just found it interesting.

657904I · 18/07/2025 08:11

There’s definitely loads of older men like this too, has nothing to do with youth. The concept of camp outdates the youth.

What it does sound like though, is as you’re an older woman, you’re holding onto outdated ideas of what a man is supposed to act like?

Also men are the bitchiest people I know! my male colleagues are the ones to get gossip from, not the women.

Frostiesflakes · 18/07/2025 08:15

QueefQueen80s · 18/07/2025 07:54

Yes it’s weird isn’t it, there are celebs I was 100% sure were gay and just couldn’t imagine them with a woman, I was very shocked to discover they were married. I didn’t think gay people marrying women was a thing now.
David Walliams
Noel Fielding
Patrick (judge on sewing bee)

Edited

I will add to this list of stars I think are gay / bisexual but can’t come out due to public perception and the roles they play so have beards / stay single

John Travolta
Will Smith
George Clonney ( always gets my gaydar going )
Leonardo Di Caprico

When I think about it there are no real A list Hollywood stars that are openly gay apart from Jodie Foster