Men who seem gay but aren’t

[Whitehorses67]

Maybe it’s because I am in my mid fifties and don’t get out much so am not familiar with “yoof” these days but I recently met a friend’s daughter and son in law for the first time and it has left me pondering.

They have been together for a few years, have a child and want another.
He was a really friendly chap, very chatty and kind. I liked him very much.

I came away a bit unsettled though because I very much got the vibe of a gay man.

Talking to him was like gossiping with a girlfriend which is not something I have ever felt talking to a straight man.

Of course I appreciate that there are varying degrees of “blokeness” in fact both my ex husbands got on well with women (the last one rather TOO well!) and weren’t macho types and I have had several gay male friends over the years and I am aware that there isn’t a single identity or personality type but this young man’s demeanour, conversational style and content, even appearance screamed gay to me.

Not my business as not my family but I was left with a niggling worry that this will all go horribly wrong if this chap isn’t being honest with himself or my friend’s daughter.

Anyway, my question here is do lots of young men present like this now?

I know a camp man- not his dressing but his voice and mannerisms. Seems to be straight.

I don’t know why most camp men are gay and a few are straight.

I do think certain regions are culturally different, so men are more likely to be metrosexual, as it was once called. Skin care, style, etc 🤣

My region men are low maintenance. Tidy is plenty enough fuss, round here. Hairdryer, Fake tan or teeth, no way.

This thread is completely inappropriate on so many levels and I hope it gets deleted.

• First of all there is no such thing as stereotypical behaviour or appearance for gay men for goodness sake. They are all individuals. To suggest every gay man is automatically 'camp' and must behave in a certain way is silly.
• To speculate about famous people being gay or not is tasteless
• There is also no such thing as a stereotypical straight man. Again they are all individuals and thankfully no longer have to conform to some reductive idea of what a straight man is like.

Reported.

I was amazed to learn that Joe Lycett has a female partner.

The papers were all annoyed fairly recently when Joe Lycett had a baby with a woman he's in a long term relationship with. Despite never claiming to be gay somehow the narrative was that he'd duped everyone. I heard he say on the PH podcast that a journalist doorstepped his parents demanding an interview because they were "owed".

As for the OP, not your business is correct.

Honestly, with the amount of “alpha” male bs on social media, I think it’s good someone’s genuinely themselves. My DS keeps getting hit on by men and has to inform them he is straight- so he is giving off gay vibes also. Also, I assumed Lionel Blair and Patrick seeing bee were gay!! Maybe we should assume anything.

Really alpaca? I think they were just surprised.

I think its just a reflection on how narrow the band is for "masculine". If you think about range of women that you know, and their behaviours etc... the same will be true for men.

He was married to a woman. But given the era he was from I wouldn't be surprised if it was a beard marriage.
He made comments that were very anti gay marriage, but again doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Yeah a journalist turned up at his parents house and demanded a story, when they refused he replied that he'd come all the way from London for this so they had to tell him something. JL's dad said "have a safe journey back" 😂.

My old boss was married and had an affair, the biggest shock to most of the team who didn't know him as well as me was that he was married to a woman and the affair was with another woman.

@waitingforlifeonmars I assumed Patrick Grant was gay too. Is he not? Brilliant, I might be in with a chance! I wish.

Exactly this! I’ve got several mates like this who might set the OP’s gaydar off, especially as they work in the arts, but they’re straight, always have been, and are awesome devoted partners to their wives. I also know plenty of men who wouldn’t set her gaydar off at all who are gay. It’s almost as if anyone could be gay or straight no matter how they present.

What do you mean he isn't gay ???

I don't think there's anything inherently homophobic about wondering if someone is gay/bi based on their clothes or mannerisms. Gaydar (or lack of!) is something that comes up fairly often amongst my female bi/ gay friends.

For years (esp as a femme looking bi 20-30something) I desperately tried to find ways to subtly let people know I wasn't straight (under cut, DMs etc) and I know other gay/ bi people did the same, using stereotypes and subtle clues to try and signal they aren't straight (without getting accused of flaunting it/ trying to shove it down people's throats etc).

Oh FFS, have a day off.

Reported? "I'm telling on you!"

Grow up, this isn't a school playground.

Joe Lycett has very openly spoken about being pan sexual for years, so it’s a bit odd that people were surprised. Sometimes I think there is biphobia (panphobia?) with assuming bi men must actually be gay

It sounds like, as you think age equals outdated ideas, that you might be holding on to outdated views of what middle aged women are like?

I honestly don't agree with a single man on your list 🤣

If you read my initial post you will see that I agree that men, both gay and straight, come in a wide variety.
However, from experience most people will have noticed or get a vibe of some behaviours etc which are frequently associated with gay or straight men.
I find it ridiculous that we are all supposed to not notice patterns.
There is no criticism or prejudice here, in fact quite the opposite, so feel free to flounce off in offence at nothing at all.

Lol
Well there has always been rumours about JT going back years and years that he paid off men who were going to out him

Will Smith got my gaydar going back in the fresh prince days

George Cloony wants to go into politics by all accounts and he would have no chance if he was openly gay plus lots of rumours quickly squashed about his “long term” friendship with a certain Tequilla Business partner

Leonardo lots of rumors of a certain young man on his film sets is his long term undercover partner but can’t openly be together as it would ruin his heterosexual heart throb image

these are just rumours of course but there are a lot of them over the years if you look for them

if you think about it all these men are huge high profile AList actors who made money on portraying themselves as heart throbs and action hero’s to millions of people -mainly women
Im old enough to remember Leonardo De Capricio as a young heart throb and you couldn’t pick up a paper or switch on tv without seeing him if he has publicly came out and said he was gay his career would have tanked back then

while it wouldn’t and shouldn’t make a scrap of difference if they are gay I think Hollywood studios are still pretty old fashioned and won’t take the chance

Certainly not the last three. Travolta is gay, but Clooney? No way. And I don't believe that DiCaprio is, either.

I find it strange that any woman would want to be with someone as camp as Joe Lycett. How on earth would you find that attractive?

Because he's funny and smart (often signifiers are being a good lover too) and camp can be more attractive than macho to some women, there's a whole world of tastes and someone (or more than one) for everyone. Just think how many women were - and some still are - absolutely besotted with Barry Manilow, or found Freddie Mercury super sexy.

Yes I had a coworker that always gave me gay vibes. The women he dated were always at least 15-20 years younger than him, but he never dated them for long. He's been single for decades now. Maybe its just his demeanor that puts off women. Or he could be like me - very picky hence why I'm also long term single. 😁