The father of my son is being disloyal to his new girlfriend. Do I tell her?

[Bigmothahen]

In need of other's opinions as I'm in a moral conundrum!

For context, my ex never wanted another child and changed from a genuine charming person to an irate, angry man when I told him I was pregnant. Attempting to be considerate, I told him I would not expect any money or support from him. Fast forward 6 months into my pregnancy, he admits he can't continue with the relationship and leaves. I understand and respect his wishes and we cease contact.

He attempted to contact me a couple of months later and again when my son was born. I eventually engaged in conversation with him again. His messages are flirtatious and many are sexual and explicit. I don't reciprocate as I have no intent on getting back into a relationship with this man, but I'm aware it'd be nice if he changed his mind and wanted to be in baby's life. Fast forward a matter of days, he decides he definitely doesn't want to be in baby's life and we cease contact in a civil manner.

Now here's my issue. Eventually it comes to light that this man has been in a relationship since he split with me... An established relationship announced on social media. I didn't see because I was blocked long before I knew about it and found out through friends. This whole time, he's been with this poor lady who's completely oblivious to his disloyalty to her and his messages to me. He never once mentioned this lady and made it clear he was "single".

If it were me, I know I'd want to know if my partner was being disloyal messaging others inappropriately and pretending to be single... But that's me.

So help me out... Do I leave this lady to be ignorant to this information? Or do I attempt to contact her to inform her that her partner has been disloyal to her? What would you do?

This ^
Always aim for drama free life, it’s much healthier

And by the way apply for child maintenance if he is on birth certificate if he is not it’s a different matter

I'm going against the grain here, but I would want to know if I was the gf. Tell her!

Are you really that naive? He KNEW he wasn't infertile so the poor little lamb knew what could happen when he had sex without contraception. By not taking money from him you're denying your child. It's theirs. It's not for you to say no to. If you don't want it to use for nappies etc then save it for the baby.

If you're thick of skin I would tell her.

1. Being hes likely telling her he's infertile too and she may end up the same as you.
2. As a woman I'd want to know early days rather then it coming out in the wash after wasted years.

She will either thank you for it or will call you crazy, if you know your own mind and can sit with the later I would tell her.

Please do not withdraw it. Don't let this man get away with all his crap when you have a baby he should be paying towards.

This

Don’t remove the application for CMS. Your son has a right to financial support from both parents. It is not fair on your child for you to withdraw. If he begins to threaten you in any way contact the police and women’s aid. Don’t meet him anywhere alone if he wants to meet to talk. Everything you have said about him says he can’t be trusted and you are fearful of his reaction to being expected to pay child maintenance which is his legal responsibility and not unreasonable in any way. Do you have any close family and friends that you can open up to and rely on for support?

@BiidsSpot on, accurately described, waste of skin

@BigmothahenYou should probably bite your tongue but wouldn't it be fun to screw him up ? Serial knob

Nothing to do with you. He’d likely paint you as the bitter ex. Just be happy he’s someone else’s problem!

And don’t withdraw financial claims. He needs to pay for his child, otherwise I assume it will be down to the tax payer.

He sounds like a Tom cat going around impregnating women all over the place.

Surely your child will benefit from the money? You could save it for uni or whatever if you don't need it right now.

This man is no friend to anyone but himself.

I think you should forward her the messages. I'd want to know.

He sounds bloody awful and thank God he doesn't want to be in your child's life.

And make sure you keep copies of messages and communications in case you ever need to go to court for custody or access. Keep a clear history of his intention of non-involvement, and particularly any threatening communications.

As for keeping him sweet by not going for CMS; nothing will keep him sweet! You can’t spend a lifetime trying to avoid conflict with him - but if he wants to cause trouble, he will. And a lifetime of anticipating his reactions or walking on eggshells is no way to live.

Let him know in practical terms that you’ve applied for CMS, prepare him and state clearly why - that it is for your child’s future. Make it clear that you don’t expect any day to day parenting input, nothing has changed on that front, and that you want nothing more from him except what your child is legally due to safeguard their future.

Keep your boundaries strong and read up on how to deal with a narcissist.

Move on with your life and enjoy your lovely child.

I don't get either side of this- he didnt want a child but just assumed he was infertile and you had unprotected sex with him just going off his hunch that he was infertile. What do people expect to happen when you have unprotected sex!

Don’t tell her - father of my kids has had numerous girlfriends in the 21 years since we split and to my knowledge not been faithfull to any of them - dont waste your time especially if you hope that one day he’ll be there for your ds

Don't get involved in the drama. Concentrate on bringing up your child in the best way you can.