Dating younger women as a woman

[ThatJoyousFinch]

So I've been divorced for 6 years now been single though I have dated the odd man but it's not exactly been a great experience. I'm 43 now, two kids and I've always been bicurious i suppose. So about two weeks ago I changed my settings on Hinge and I thought I'd look at women out of curiosity, and it wasn't particularly great , matched with a couple of people though. And then a friend suggested I change my settings and give someone younger a swipe and within minutes I matched with a 24 year old.. and I was quite surprised by her, found her charming, funny, well educated too.

So anyway we actually met up last week and it was really nice , went for a walk , had lunch together and couldn't stop talking. She wants to see me again and I was a little apprehensive but my best friend suggests i should just see her. And when I look at my dating apps I seem to have matched with lots of younger women. It's not what I was expecting, as for the last few years I was thinking who on earth would want me. Just thought I'd get this off my chest that's all :) but is "older women" a thing? I know younger men would swipe on me all the time but it was a massive no for me

Someone’s got their knickers in a twist. 😂

Why do you think people who think it’s wrong are jealous?

I couldn’t think of anything worse than being with someone nearly half my age. Seems slightly predatory to me. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it moral. She asked for opinions so she is getting them.

It’s a stock phrase people use on mn.

if it was an older man going for a younger woman he’d be accused of being a creep and a predator.

Or maybe they smell of not being creepy predators.

I also think its grim. And if I were your friend I would look at you differently in the same way that I would look at a male friend who behaved in that way.

Age is not just a number. That's a glib shallow line used by older people who want to enter relationships with younger people and justify their position. it may have worked back in the day but we know better now.

I think a mid-twenties woman can make her own mind up about who she's attracted to, and if she's set her own OLD preference to catch 40+ it's a leap to suggest she's being groomed by a predator.

Beyond dating/sex though, I don't think inter-generational relationships are a good idea. Too little in common, too much conflict as they're always in a different stage of life and one (usually the younger) has to sacrifice something.

except 23 isn’t mid 20’s is it? And a 40 something year old who deliberately goes after people half their age because they can’t find someone their own age and fancy a bit of experimentation doesn’t exactly have honourable intentions.

And what about the 20 something year olds who deliberately seek out older partners because they feel a connection/fancy the pants off them/want to explore their sexuality with another consenting adult/any other perfectly valid reason? What if they can’t find someone their own age ( no proof of that for OP) to connect with?

Are we witch hunting them too? Or are they staying single?

Or just the older partners (even the good ones) who are getting witch hunted?

Or are there no good age gap relationships at all?

May I remind everyone crying ‘predator!’ that OP said nothing even remotely predatory in the OP, and all this wringing of hands and pearl clutching is being entirely projected.

She commented on the fact she was surprised by finding the younger woman easy to talk to. The younger woman, who as someone pointed out upthread, chose her own settings to include OP’s age bracket. OP hasn’t used any language to even suggest that she saw this woman in a more vulnerable position and is using that in a way that is immoral.

It’s all projection dressed for the ball in an ‘opinion’.

Bordering on paranoia!

OP only asked if a younger woman and an older woman was a "thing"

Shock, horror!! Yes it is.

It’s about maturity and the power imbalance.

A 23 year old may go after older men for the same reasons, although it will usually be because they want more maturity.

and the older person is the mature one who should be saying no. Both in terms of being pursued by someone half tjeir age as well as doing the pursuing.

OP said she’s looking for men but when she didn’t find one thought she’d look at women given she’s a bit bicurious. Didn’t find one of those her age either so decided to go for younger ones, and ended up chatting up one young enough to be her daughter.

the whole thing is grim however you justify it. And generally the only people who justify it are people who would do it themselves.

Classic MN double standard. If it was a man and 24 year old all he’ll would break out

OP I really hope you do have a joyous time with your new friend.
Over the last few years there have been several threads on Bi friendships/attractions/relationships and sex. I can't remember that any generated the angst that is being shown here.
The number of women assuming predatory motives is a surprise and their vehemence is quite nasty in it's own way. Please do not let it worry you too much.
At both ends of the age range there are changes. Young women are experiencing puberty earlier than even recent generations.
Older women are healthier and more active. Magazines and Supplements talk of sixty as the the new forty. These adjustments have reduced all the differences between you and your new friend. You are more equal. The other factor is that in my experience it usually takes two women much longer before they sleep together. The instinctive insistence of the male is of course completely absent. Not that I suggest that one or both of you won't fancy being intimate very soon.😄
ps Apologies for the essay.

Fine. Even though the woman the OP is dating is 24, I'll rephrase. It's a stretch to suggest that a 23yo who has set up her OLD to catch women OP's age is being groomed by a predator if one matches with her.

Personally at your age I wouldn't have found a 24 year old had enough life experience to have meaningful conversations (or enough in common tv/music/world events) with for more than a couple of dates.

Like a kink? Are you saying that dating significantly younger is fetishised & normalised in the same way that it is in heterosexual culture? But because it’s same sex it’s exempt from all the usual social connotations & general social repulsion (that are there for a reason).

I started dating again at 43, I was shocked to get any interest tbh but realise that it was only me putting myself down. I've dated all genders, I'm been with my current partner for just over a year and he's 29. He doesn't want kids, I don't want any more - I think that would probably be the biggest problem with dating younger, I wouldn't want to stop them if they wanted a relationship with someone with kids at the end of it, but it works out for us