Dating younger women as a woman

[ThatJoyousFinch]

So I've been divorced for 6 years now been single though I have dated the odd man but it's not exactly been a great experience. I'm 43 now, two kids and I've always been bicurious i suppose. So about two weeks ago I changed my settings on Hinge and I thought I'd look at women out of curiosity, and it wasn't particularly great , matched with a couple of people though. And then a friend suggested I change my settings and give someone younger a swipe and within minutes I matched with a 24 year old.. and I was quite surprised by her, found her charming, funny, well educated too.

So anyway we actually met up last week and it was really nice , went for a walk , had lunch together and couldn't stop talking. She wants to see me again and I was a little apprehensive but my best friend suggests i should just see her. And when I look at my dating apps I seem to have matched with lots of younger women. It's not what I was expecting, as for the last few years I was thinking who on earth would want me. Just thought I'd get this off my chest that's all :) but is "older women" a thing? I know younger men would swipe on me all the time but it was a massive no for me

I haven’t posted in years but only cannot believe some people on here.

So this 24 year old can choose her sexuality, to marry or have a child, and some posters here think that because she shows an interest in a 43 year old and the 43 year old returns the interest, suddenly the 24 year old is a child who should be protected and this is predatory behaviour?

If I was 24 again (oh I wish!) I’d tell anyone who thought like this and voiced it to me to get to fuck.

OP, best of luck exploring this stage of your life with like minded people.

if you were a man the feedback would be a lot less positive. I’m sorry but your 43 you have no business dating a 23 year old the same as a man has no business dating a 23 year old. It’s a 20 year age difference! My settings are usually 10 either side of my age max and I still would be unlikely to consider the ones in their mid twenties

But a lot of the feedback here is less positive.

Your “settings” are your personal choices not the law.

Why is it healthy in same sex relationships but gross when it’s mixed sexes.

It's all about perception and how you perceive based on how you were programmed and conditioned in your younger years.
Parents
Education
Religion
Coaches
Media
Peers
the list goes on............

Confidence, poise, someone confident in their own skin. These are all hugely attractive qualities.

Just my opinion but I think early 20s of any sex combination is too young for someone in their 40s.

I am late 30s and my eldest child is in his 20s the thought of dating one of his mates is just creepy.

I’m gay and am 49. After divorce I joined Hinge and got a lot of “likes” from young women the same age as my children. I found the concept of dating someone my children’s age gross. Last year I met someone who was 32. We went on a couple of dates, she explained that she liked older women, and she was lovely and I found her attractive but… it just felt wrong. We were at totally different life stages. On the one hand it could have been a bit of fun, but I just couldn’t get the “inappropriateness” of it out of my mind so it went no further.

I remember commenting to a colleague how surprising it was that all these young women seemed so keen on a middle aged woman and “what would we even talk about?” He replied “I don’t think they want to TALK to you…”

So it depends what you want I guess.

OP - I agree that you would be getting a different response if you were an older man pursuing a younger woman and the difference here troubles me. I don’t buy that it’s more okay in same sex relationships than in heterosexual relationships. The same sex couples I know are all of a similar age to each other, certainly not cross-generational.

Also, as a PP flagged, you are bi-curious; it sounds like you haven’t lived as a lesbian. So it’s not that you can provide the younger party with insights or education on that side of things. You want someone to experiment with. Seems to me that other bi-curious middle-aged women would be more appropriate.

Whether the participants are same sex or different sexes, in an age gap relationships between a young person and a middle-aged person, there is huge potential power imbalance. Also, the younger person might be rushed into settling down and deprived of the chance to properly explore their life and what they want for themselves because that timing suits the older party.

It’s just as much of a power imbalance as if it was a man dating a woman half his age. Gay or straight is irrelevant. Added to which it seems the OP is looking for someone young and impressionable to experiment with.

she’s never had a sexual relationship with a woman before, is only looking at women because a suitable man hasn’t come along, and is looking at younger women who are presumably also inexperienced.

OP is a walking red flag.

and for the poster who said that age gap relationships are normal, of the gay couples I’ve known in age gap relationships, they have all been abusive on the part of the older person.

No one here knows if there’s a power imbalance here…

24 year old may have a degree, own property and have spent two years backpacking round the world with experiences and stories to tell.

43 year old may have limited education, work in entry level position and have lived in 5 mile radius their whole life.

Age doesn’t equal life experience.

24 year old may have a degree, own property and have spent two years backpacking round the world with experiences and stories to tell

That isn't much life experience.That's a few holidays. Even with 2 years back packing, she ll be a year out of uni. In 2 years, not living a normal life. But instead, living a live, probably funded by parents? Or else who paid for the backpacking and the house they own. Backpacking is so far away from normal life experience. I don't believe you even raised it. What I take to mean life experience is long. Term in a career, long-term in relationships. He used to dealing with conflict and dealing with other people. Problem solving working your way through problems with colleagues and partners. Two years back, packing is a jolly.It isn'life experience

There is always a power in balance with someone in their very early twenties and a much older partner.

I bet these women aren't even old enough to be the OP's children's parents. She doesn't say how old her children are.But what if she's got teenagers. They won't be far off the girlfriend's ages.

It won't be long before the young partner wants a more normal life. With a person their own age, they can have fun with rather than the older girlfriend having to run home because they haven't got childcare.

It doesn't matter how you dress it up, it's just gross. Especially so as the op is just experimenting with these young women, as she couldn't find a man to her liking. For Christ's sake, what if someone did this to your 23 or 24 year old? Would you want them to be somebody's experiment because they couldn't get a relationship to their liking.

It doesn’t matter how you dress it up either.

Two consenting adults making a choice to explore their sexuality is perfectly fine.

Attitudes like that is probably the reason people get exploited. Theyre of consenting age after all as if that's all that matters.

No matter. The twenty three year old will soon realise how boring it is to be stuck with the woman of that age who has to rush home for kids.

Of course it isn’t the reason people get exploited you loon. 😂

OP hasn’t gone out with a net and rounded up a bunch of vulnerable under 25’s for her own harem. Or stalked them in the dark waiting to pounce. She’s responded to grown women who have shown an interest in her for their own perfectly valid reasons.

Because, you know, they are adults who can choose who they spend time with.

Don't you speak to me like that and call me a loon. How dare you.

There is no need to be rude and you are just a nasty person.

No, I just don’t agree with you.

It doesn’t make me nasty. I just don’t equal age gap with exploitation in this instance when the 24 year is a consenting adult and has made the decision to want to see OP again for their own reasons.

Everyone’s opinion of whether it’s gross or not is valid. I’m just firmly in the ‘they are consenting adults and can do as they see fit’ camp.

God the responses on here are so depressing.

There are 7 billion people in the world, 7 billion possible life experiences and yet Mumsnet reduces life to the smallest, most joyless possible experience.

A 24 year old is perfectly capable of making her own mind up about who she wants to date. Old, young, lesbian, bi-curious, experienced, inexperienced.

As is a 43 year old.

FWIW my parents got married when my mum was 23 and my Dad was 45. And my mum was not the victim of exploitation or power imbalance. Far from it.

You do you OP. Be honest and truthful with the people you meet, then they can make their own minds up.

I don't think it's ok, and if you go ahead, prepare from some negative judgement from people you know. She's an adult, yes but that's not the be all and end all.
I am bi, married to a man. I know a woman in real life who's 23, bisexual ( I'm 37) and I've come to realise there is a slight mutual attraction. But even if I was single and free to date, I would never even consider going there. I had a dream about her and it left me feeling weirdly grossed out. We are at totally different life stages and have nothing in common. She works with teenagers and I see her and the way she acts around them as more on their level than on mine. Experiment sexually with someone who you don't have the upper hand over.

Dating anyone because you fancy trying out a woman when none of the men you’ve tried lived up to your expectations is exploitation.

do you think the op will have been honest and admitted she’s just dating to satisfy her curiosity? Doubt it.

My wife and I have a 7 year age gap. It’s never felt relevant, our backgrounds are completely different and we’ve now been together close to 20 years. The age gap you’re describing though would be too much for me, either way round.
I think if it’s curiosity that’s driving you, tread carefully. 24 is quite young. And if feelings develop, could end up a shit show. You might relate more to someone closer in age.

FWIW my parents got married when my mum was 23 and my Dad was 45. And my mum was not the victim of exploitation or power imbalance. Far from it.

You can tell yourself that if you like, but if they married when she was 23 how old was she when they met. Barely over 18.

The kind of man in his 40s who seeks sex with someone young enough to be their daughter is just gross.

Oh, the MN double standards are in full flow today!!

I also cant believe that people don't understand what the meaning of the word exploitation really is.

They seem to think exploitation means rape gangs or underage partners.

What it actually means is: to use someone or something unfairly for your own advantage.

I highly doubt that the original poster is telling these young women that she couldn't find a decent man so she's looking for women out of curiosity. If that was on her profile, how many takers do you think she would get.

She's using these women for her own advantage and curiosity, because she couldn't find what she wanted.

Again….the 24 year old wants to see OP again, by choice.

OP is not posting saying I met a 24 year old who is really hot and I’m desperate to jump her bones just to test the waters on my sexuality but I’m not sure how I do this without telling her that I’m just curious.

OP simply said they connected on a non physical level and 24 year old would like to see her again. 24 year old has not been pushed into anything or awkwardly propositioned. There is no being used unfairly for OP’s gain.