Is it ok..

[gratefulmuma]

for your partner to have a go at you infront of the kids that the kitchen isn't clean enough? I let my partner have a lie in- got up with the kids made breakfast / partner come down at 9 - bad mood - starts having a go at me infront of the kids that they're is orange Juice and honey on the floor ( I made sure everything was tidy but maybe missed some under where the baby was eating) just wondering if it's ok to do that infront of kids...

What’s been going on in the 9 hours since this spat?

He's not really talking to me

sorry just been trying to work it out

What does “having a go” actually look like?

shouting and stomping?
a curt word?
a huff?
a full blown tantrum?

and he’s not speaking to you for the entire day because of a little bit of juice and honey on the floor by his baby’s highchair?

Cross talking , huffing , curt word

Hand him the mop.

None of that is ok

And a one off (never is)

or a pattern of behaviour (generally is)

He needs to get a grip, preferably on the mop

He who insists upon pristine living conditions should get his arse out of bed and help.
Otherwise shut the fuck up.

tell him the next morning is your turn for a lie-in and you will judge his kitchen cleanliness when you deign to arrive. Idiot. Not ok. And it’s not just in from of the kids. Not ok at all.

He does usually help a lot...

.. I'm just wondering if it's ok to do it infront of kids... if that just kind of normal

Ok so a complete one off
he’s usually very hands on
and you don’t ever argue in front of the children.

sounds like he woke up on the wrong side of the bed

is it your lie in tomorrow?

No he absolutely should not have a go at you in front of the children.

Her should have got up, come down, and thanked you for letting him have a lie-in while you wrangled the kids. And been happy and smiling in front of the dc even if he didn't feel much like it.

No it's not a one off... just first time it's really happened infront of kids..

So lying around in bed while you do all the work and then has the nerve to have a go at you over an insignificant issue when he finally surfaces? No not ok, not ok in front of kids, not ok if no kids are around either. Id ask him if he is feeling ok, maybe he's coming down with something.

Thankyou very much everyone, I'm really grateful.. everything gets so warped .. I just want to know where the line is

Ok so now a few mumsnetters have told you where the line is… what’s your plan?

Do not use the word help, this implies something is your job.

Genuinely how it would go in our house, Dh would see the honey and orange juice, get a cloth and clean it up. He would just say in passing I cleaned up a bit of food that was missed under the highchair.

No drama, no big deal. I think mainly because we took turns at having a lie in on the weekend and he was used to solo parenting and knows how consuming that is.

The thing is there is a scale of how important things are. That is a kitchen knife was left out and the toddler picked it up all the way down to some food on the floor. In this case no one died, no one was injured and he needs to know that sometimes the conversation you just had might well be the last you ever have with someone because life can change in the blink of an eye, strokes, heat attacks, car accidents.

He is completely wrong to do this in front of the children, tone is massively important too which in his case was aggressive and angry. He should be grateful he had a lie in.

Have you got a lie I. Tomorrow?

That's really not that bad compared ... but to me anything that the kids witness is a deal breaker to me ... anything that might affect them... and I don't even know anymore what's normal conflict in relationships and what's not anymore

Your partner should not be having a go at you because he thinks the kitchen isn't clean enough, whether he says it in front of the kids or not.

He is not your boss, and you are not his skivvy.

@Mercibocyes I do

In whose opinion was the kitchen 'not clean enough'? His, and his alone? Why should his opinion of what's clean 'enough' be the deciding one? What makes you incapable of knowing when the place is clean?

I had one like this. Apparently he wasn't happy unless I had a cloth in my hand and was either cleaning, or on my way to clean something. He, of course, couldn't help because it wasn't his job.

But he was an utter tit. Only you can know if your DH is also a tit.

@Merciboci dont
know... it's very complicated ... if I bring up anything with him he tells me it's my hormones or my mental health... it's the first time I've ever felt like it affected the kids ... so obviously that changes things... just don't know what's normal anymore ... if I'm overthinking....