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Original poster

Stumped about my ‘relationship’

51 replies

denpark · 08/07/2025 16:36

I’ve been dating a guy for the past 4 months and it was going really well. We saw each other quite a bit, got on brilliantly and he seemed very happy. He’s had depression in the past but said he was feeling really good.

anyway- a couple of weeks ago he just, disappeared. Didn’t read my messages, nothing. I was genuinely pretty worried but then he emerged to say he’d got heatstroke at work. Fair enough, I thought.

Since then, he’s barely texted. Was meant to be spending a weekend with me and just never bothered to show up/ text/ anything.

I know I’ve probably been ghosted but then there’s that part of me that is wondering if he’s ok. What on earth do I do? I’m not going to hang around to be treated this way again in the future but if he’s not well, I don’t want to not make sure he’s ok.

OP posts:
Kulwinder54 · 08/07/2025 16:39

sorry, but he doesn't want to see you anymore and he's too much of a coward to actually tell you. i'd block and move on. i'm sure he's fine.

ModerateOrGoodOccasionallyPoor · 08/07/2025 16:49

When you say he just 'disappeared' didn't answer messages, then emerged having claimed heat stroke, how long was he MIA for?

Four months is quite a long time to be seeing someone for them to just ghost you, I'd have thought. Unless it was a very, very casual, sporadic FWBs type thing?

Seaoftroubles · 08/07/2025 16:54

His behaviour shows he's not worth your time. He's just another cowardly man who hasn't got the decency to end things respectfully. I'd put money on the fact that there's nothing wrong with him (apart from the fact he is rude and gutless!) Block and move on, you've had a lucky escape.

Sodthesystem · 08/07/2025 16:54

Does sound like ghosting but be aware it could also be:

  1. He's seeing another woman or more than one and as such trying to keep you on the back burner.
Or 2 A common test ran by narcissists where they vanish fior a time and come back with a shit excuse. To see if you will take them back. Then they know you're under the thumb. And, to train you to have low expectations.

So take control and call it a day yourself..

Bittenonce · 08/07/2025 17:02

Just don’t go back. Erase him. Whatever’s going on - you’re not going to have a healthy relationship with him. There is no explanation that leads to a happy ending for you.

putitovertherefornow · 08/07/2025 17:04

Oh, he's had depression in the past has he? Whilst I have every sympathy for people with depression, or living with someone who has it, you have known him just a few weeks. This is going nowhere, and the last thing you need to do is saddle yourself with someone who is bringing a whole heap of baggage with them.

My advice to you would be to forget this one and move on.

smallsilvercloud · 08/07/2025 17:43

Heatstroke is a lame excuse to disappear, don’t believe it, he’s lost interest and too gutless to say. If he does come back it’ll be because it hasnt worked out with someone else. Time to mentally bin him.

FutureCatMum · 08/07/2025 18:12

He’s just not that interested in you. Leave and find someone who can communicate.

wheresmymojo · 08/07/2025 18:18

As someone who has suffered with severe depression many times - after 4 months you’re not responsible for checking his welfare. It’s kind of you to think about it, but it really isn’t your responsibility and I would definitely chuck this one back and move on pronto.

wheresmymojo · 08/07/2025 18:18

(Basically even if it’s depression/health related, this isn’t your problem to worry about or fix)

Sassybooklover · 08/07/2025 18:20

My guess is that he's lost interest or he's seeing other women besides you. To use heatstroke as an excuse is feeble. I wouldn't bother entertaining this man any longer, he's not worth it. You deserve better.

ginasevern · 08/07/2025 18:26

Heatstroke, yeah right. You've messaged him, he knows that and he's choosing not to respond - simples. He's not interested and/or moved on. To be honest OP, if he's had depression in the past you've probably had a lucky escape. I speak through experience.

sameshizz · 08/07/2025 18:32

Sorry op
happens all too often
he’s probably met someone else

aquashiv · 08/07/2025 20:13

Block him, and he will then chase you. Tell him you had a rigour mortis of the digits.😆

MeganM3 · 08/07/2025 20:18

The four-six month mark. Yeah. He’s a ghoster.
He just wanted to make you like him / have fun together and as soon as he had to work out if he’s interested in you enough to actually commit.. he vanishes, he’ll come back in about 3 months and be all lovely and interested again. But the same thing will happen.

TwistedWonder · 08/07/2025 20:28

Sorry OP but he’s had his fling, a few months of sex and he’s now moving on to the next one.

It’s not you it’s him. Don’t give him any more headspace

EarthSight · 08/07/2025 21:25

Don't even bother.

He's mostly likely trying to do a slow-fade, or leave you a little breadcrumbs here & there which leaves you hanging (for when he's bored talking to other women he wants more).

Remember - this is an adult man, NOT a child.

He is responsible for himself and probably has people in his life who look in on him from time to time. Many women waste their caring natures and maternal instincts on adult males who quite frankly don't deserve them. Invest your time and hopes elsewhere, and don't get your hopes up if he suddenly comes running back when he senses that you're going cold on him.

Also, this is such early stages and you're already excusing behaviour you find puzzling or uncomfortable on his previous depression!

I'm sorry, but a good man will leave you in doubt as to what his intentions are.

EarthSight · 08/07/2025 21:27

ginasevern · 08/07/2025 18:26

Heatstroke, yeah right. You've messaged him, he knows that and he's choosing not to respond - simples. He's not interested and/or moved on. To be honest OP, if he's had depression in the past you've probably had a lucky escape. I speak through experience.

I know....I think I've read it all now. Whatever next!

NC28 · 08/07/2025 21:29

Has he been active on WhatsApp? When is his Last Seen?

Honestly I think the others are right - slow fade, testing you or too cowardly to end it. Doesn’t matter which it is; it’s nothing you want to associate yourself with.

onehorserace · 09/07/2025 00:00

It's him not you. Time to move on.

AnotherNaCha · 09/07/2025 08:04

Channel your true feelings from “being worried” about him to being f@cking furious at him for treating you this way. He is a cowardly ghost that is getting away with it / call him out and be angry. It’s not a wasted emotion, it’s an accurate one that you should speak - as should all women who come across this crap behaviour. Don’t tolerate it

Blades2 · 09/07/2025 18:37

What on earth do you do?
nothing. You do nothing. You block him and you move on.
know your worth.

Missj25 · 09/07/2025 19:07

denpark · 08/07/2025 16:36

I’ve been dating a guy for the past 4 months and it was going really well. We saw each other quite a bit, got on brilliantly and he seemed very happy. He’s had depression in the past but said he was feeling really good.

anyway- a couple of weeks ago he just, disappeared. Didn’t read my messages, nothing. I was genuinely pretty worried but then he emerged to say he’d got heatstroke at work. Fair enough, I thought.

Since then, he’s barely texted. Was meant to be spending a weekend with me and just never bothered to show up/ text/ anything.

I know I’ve probably been ghosted but then there’s that part of me that is wondering if he’s ok. What on earth do I do? I’m not going to hang around to be treated this way again in the future but if he’s not well, I don’t want to not make sure he’s ok.

I’m just going to give my experience & opinion..
Due to perimenopause I get very down & out sometimes , when I’m bad , I’m very bad , when I’m good , I’m great !..
I’ve been seeing people at different times , some I’ve liked a bit , so when I’m great I’m all in , but when I’m not , there’s zero contact I’m afraid , so really & truly relationships not for me I’d say ..
If this is what is going on with your guy , you deserve better , someone that is all in ….all the time OP ……

Chocolateegg123 · 09/07/2025 20:21

I’ve been through something exactly like you. I dated a man (term used lightly as I can think of some much better terms for him!) for four months. We had had the talk and were exclusively dating/in a relationship. Then he just… stopped talking to me. I found out he was engaged to someone who had been studying abroad for four years and she was back in the country.

I’m not saying he is doing this or has another woman but what is very clear is that he doesn’t respect you. If he did he would communicate whatever the truth was here because heatstroke and depression isn’t a good enough reason to go MIA.

If I were you, I’d not contact him and move on. You deserve better. For you to be concerned enough to want to know if he’s ok is testament to your good nature and character. He isn’t good enough for you and I hope you find happiness elsewhere.

OneWittyGuide · 09/07/2025 20:38

I hate to say this but even if he is unwell, do you want this to be your life? Let him go.

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