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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stumped about my ‘relationship’

51 replies

denpark · 08/07/2025 16:36

I’ve been dating a guy for the past 4 months and it was going really well. We saw each other quite a bit, got on brilliantly and he seemed very happy. He’s had depression in the past but said he was feeling really good.

anyway- a couple of weeks ago he just, disappeared. Didn’t read my messages, nothing. I was genuinely pretty worried but then he emerged to say he’d got heatstroke at work. Fair enough, I thought.

Since then, he’s barely texted. Was meant to be spending a weekend with me and just never bothered to show up/ text/ anything.

I know I’ve probably been ghosted but then there’s that part of me that is wondering if he’s ok. What on earth do I do? I’m not going to hang around to be treated this way again in the future but if he’s not well, I don’t want to not make sure he’s ok.

OP posts:
JennyBG · 09/07/2025 21:12

To quote the film…”He’s just not into you”.
Move on with your life.

ThatMellowLemonLurker · 09/07/2025 22:09

You've been ghosted. Don't spend another minute of your time with this moron. They are pathetic and you are well rid.

Pinkdhalia · 09/07/2025 22:13

Being blunt...if he's not ok that's not your problem.. tell yourself he's a coward and can't face to tell you it's finished. He obviously doesn't want commitment. So let it go. It's over and for you you've had a narrow escape!

Hopingtobeaparent · 09/07/2025 22:45

About 4-6 months in is when the novelty of a new relationship wears off.

As others have said, OP, and as rubbish as it might feel, he has shown you what he’s really like. Listen and move on.

ByPeachScroller · 09/07/2025 23:02

He's already ghosted you once, who cares if he’s not well. Fuck him.

putitovertherefornow · 09/07/2025 23:51

Yeah well, the OP's ghosted us now. 🙄

Nikki75 · 09/07/2025 23:53

4 months isn't long enough to feel you need know someone is ok .
He will be fine he is a coward who cant be bothered to be honest .
Move on don't dwell on this person.

Original poster
denpark · 10/07/2025 07:05

Hi- OP here. Sorry that I haven’t responded sooner. My phone died and I had to get a new one! 😂 Thank you so so much everyone. I seriously appreciate the messages and the virtual head head wobble you’ve all given me and I’ve found my rage.

Fuck him.
what a dickhead.
How dare he treat me this way- I deserve so much better.

I sent a very final message and have blocked. I don’t want or need this behaviour or his issues in my life.

OP posts:
Bittenonce · 10/07/2025 07:15

denpark · 10/07/2025 07:05

Hi- OP here. Sorry that I haven’t responded sooner. My phone died and I had to get a new one! 😂 Thank you so so much everyone. I seriously appreciate the messages and the virtual head head wobble you’ve all given me and I’ve found my rage.

Fuck him.
what a dickhead.
How dare he treat me this way- I deserve so much better.

I sent a very final message and have blocked. I don’t want or need this behaviour or his issues in my life.

Go girl! 😁👍

AnotherNaCha · 10/07/2025 07:30

JennyBG · 09/07/2025 21:12

To quote the film…”He’s just not into you”.
Move on with your life.

This phrase is so misogynistic… like the man is the only one choosing. Just perpetuates the perceived notion they hold the decision-making power. And it’s mean

Greenshed · 10/07/2025 08:35

You’ve done the right thing OP.

SpryCat · 10/07/2025 08:46

So pleased you blocked him, he told you about his depression early on as an excuse for his shitty behaviour. If he does manage to get back in touch somehow, expect more of the same from him.

waterrat · 10/07/2025 08:50

I think this is a classic moment for people with commitment issues - the point at which a relationship becomes serious

sorry Op - just remember you are not responsible or to blame for any of his issues - even if he was unwell/ depressed - a text costs nothing.

dh280125 · 10/07/2025 14:37

I've had depression but it didn't make me act like a p. I think more likely he's just ditching. Move on. Even is he does have some depression, it's not your problem and you won't fix him even if you want to.

Voxon · 10/07/2025 14:58

I encountered this when I was younger and dating, it's a very weird thing. In the future you won't give a toss, so you can ignore him right back and block his number or send a message along these lines:

"You disappeared after some months of spending time together without a conversation . That’s not just rude - it’s immature and cowardly - which aren't characteristics I want anything to do with. Don’t bother replying"

Then block!

bugalugs45 · 10/07/2025 16:58

Oh this all sounds so familiar !
Currently in the throes of it too ,
you have my sympathy 🙄 ( although mine didn’t have heatstroke 🤣 )

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 10/07/2025 21:04

AnotherNaCha · 10/07/2025 07:30

This phrase is so misogynistic… like the man is the only one choosing. Just perpetuates the perceived notion they hold the decision-making power. And it’s mean

Show quote history

I hate 'He's just not that into you' too. Seems to have a kind of grim pleasure behind it.

IShouldNotCoco · 10/07/2025 21:09

What an awful, pathetic man. The trash took itself out as they say…

IShouldNotCoco · 10/07/2025 21:10

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 10/07/2025 21:04

I hate 'He's just not that into you' too. Seems to have a kind of grim pleasure behind it.

Show quote history

I used to think that about the book, but in reality it’s a book to remind women that if the guy they are dating are doing a number of things, they are not worth your time. So it’s about raising your standards.

SociableAtWork · 10/07/2025 21:27

This reminds me of a lad I was dating at college. It had been going well, and then one weekend he cancelled plans because he had laryngitis. Said he’d ring me when he was feeling better. He’s still not called (and I’ve realised it was 30 years ago!!!).

I’m sorry you’ve been ghosted @denparkit’s cowardly, but I’d just leave it and assume he’s ok but moved on.

MyDadWasAnArse · 10/07/2025 22:43

AnotherNaCha · 10/07/2025 07:30

This phrase is so misogynistic… like the man is the only one choosing. Just perpetuates the perceived notion they hold the decision-making power. And it’s mean

Show quote history

I know what you're saying, but when you realise a guy isn't that into you, it gives YOU the decision making power to not waste any more time on him.

WhatTheHelll · 10/07/2025 22:50

He’s good. They’re always good.

He may crawl back with a sob story though so best to block him.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 11/07/2025 08:37

IShouldNotCoco · 10/07/2025 21:10

I used to think that about the book, but in reality it’s a book to remind women that if the guy they are dating are doing a number of things, they are not worth your time. So it’s about raising your standards.

Show quote history

Yes I get the premise, just the phrase itself sounds a bit gloaty to me.

lilkitten · 11/07/2025 11:32

I had virtually the same thing with an ex (could be the same guy?). Dating a while, had said about not feeling well, then his phone was just not receiving messages. I worried about his health. Then realised he'd blocked me on socials, and then on WhatsApp. Unfortunately I think it's the same thing here. It upset me that he wouldn't just say something, the not-knowing-why upset me, and I stopped dating for the next six months (and then was overly cautious, until my current DP showed me how it should be).

GoldDuster · 11/07/2025 11:44

Was meant to be spending a weekend with me and just never bothered to show up/ text/ anything.

While this is upsetting, it's pretty clear and tells you what you need to know. Glad to see you've acted on it.

You're also not responsible for making sure that he is ok. That is not your job. It's not your job to remain available for people who don't treat you well, just in case they form a negative opinion of you. His opinion of you is none of your business and not worth a bean.

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