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Original poster

How can I tell someone they should go to the hygienist because their teeth are dirty

84 replies

MeganM3 · 07/07/2025 00:07

There is someone in my life who I am very close to and really don’t want to hurt their feeling. But their teeth are very dirty, deep brown marks in between every tooth, very visible thick plax and I have noticed a bad smell too.
I leant in for a cuddle yesterday and actually had to let go and move back because of the smell. Similarly today when chatting over a meal I found it turned my stomach while I was trying to eat and enjoy the meal we had prepared together.
They are mid 30s and otherwise reasonably healthy.
What can I do?

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 07/07/2025 00:09

They will know. Do you really think that they don't?

FlamingoFloss · 07/07/2025 00:11

Is this your partner?

AuntMarch · 07/07/2025 00:11

I am due a visit too, but I can't afford it 🤷‍♀️

JudgeBread · 07/07/2025 00:16

Depends who it is really. I wouldn't think it my place to comment on the oral hygiene of an aunt or uncle or cousin for instance, but if it was my husband I'd have to say something.

Away2000 · 07/07/2025 00:19

People can see their own teeth so they’re surely aware of this and for what ever reason they have decided not to do anything about it. Unless it’s a partner (or adult child) I don’t think I’d say anything.

hungryduck · 07/07/2025 01:16

AuntMarch · 07/07/2025 00:11

I am due a visit too, but I can't afford it 🤷‍♀️

This.

Ownyourchoices · 07/07/2025 01:18

Unless its your partner you can't say anything..if they are that dirty they have been neglected for a while....

Bluebay · 07/07/2025 01:22

Give them an electric toothbrush for a birthday present?

SevenKingsMustDie · 07/07/2025 06:31

Can you drop into conversation that you’re going to see the hygienist on x date, and hope the conversation starts spontaneously with that?

ServusFidelis · 07/07/2025 06:37

If it were you, how would you like to be told?

PermanentTemporary · 07/07/2025 06:39

Bring up the scarcity of dentists as a topic and then say you’re a bit worried about them being able to access one.

Ribecx · 07/07/2025 06:41

Who is it?

If it's your partner or child then you should just be blunt and tell them.

Optimustime · 07/07/2025 06:42

Very possibly they don't know or realise. My DH just doesn't look in a mirror ever so has no idea. I just tell him because I feel it is better coming from me than his colleagues.

"oh my dentist called to change my appointment, did you want me to book you in with the hygienist at the same time? You've not been for ages and it there's quite a bit of build up there"

givingitupok · 07/07/2025 06:50

AuntMarch · 07/07/2025 00:11

I am due a visit too, but I can't afford it 🤷‍♀️

Yep. I'm on UC. Went the other day it cosy me £55 for the appointment and £15 for the x-rays. Said I need a crown which will cost me £800. I can't afford it so am desperately writing to dental hospitals and NHS dentists and hoping my tooth doesn't crack further in the meantime.

Tangelablue · 07/07/2025 06:52

Do they have a nhs dentist? It will be expensive for them to go private if they don't. I would avoid having meals with them if it makes you feel sick and keep them at arms length.

Original poster
MeganM3 · 07/07/2025 09:44

They are not short of money so it isn’t that. They otherwise seem to care about their appearance so it is a bit strange. Drive around in a sports car but have very dirty teeth. I have dropped into conversation going to the hygienist / dentist myself a couple times but it didn’t spur them on.

OP posts:
Gloriia · 07/07/2025 09:50

MeganM3 · 07/07/2025 09:44

They are not short of money so it isn’t that. They otherwise seem to care about their appearance so it is a bit strange. Drive around in a sports car but have very dirty teeth. I have dropped into conversation going to the hygienist / dentist myself a couple times but it didn’t spur them on.

Their teeth aren't dirty, they are stained. If you have a good relationship with them just tell them, the staining may not bother them but they are possibly unaware of the bad breath. Just do it in a helpful kind of way 'sorry to be so blunt but you really need to at least see a dental hygienist and possibly have dental treatment before you actually lose all your teeth'.

Greeneleaf · 07/07/2025 09:51

Is it someone you’re close to? If so just tell them in a very gentle way. When I was much younger (to be fair, a teenager) I had no idea that all the plaque built up behind my bottom teeth wasn’t normal. So it could be that they just think that’s a a normal part of having teeth and that everyone has that. You could attend your hygienist appt (or pretend to have just been) and say oh wow I didn’t realise (insert desired info about plaque and oral health) did you know? She said she had to remove quite a bit of plaque as it’s not good for my gums, and that everyone should be going once a year to have it done. When did you last go? I think you do have a little build up in there…

Finbarsausages · 07/07/2025 09:52

My last hygienist appointment was £70 for 20 mins and I’m in the wrong bloody job. My adult DD is on minimum wage and can’t afford the hygienist. No NHS dentists where she lives. I’d like to pay for her appointment but she might take great offence so it’s a tricky one. Watching with interest.

Greeneleaf · 07/07/2025 09:54

and/or you could introduce them to flossing by saying you thought it was just something dentists did but actually you have recently started doing it yourself and wow the difference it makes, they should try it, and offer them some of the plackers type things to make it easier than traditional flossing. Say you love how it makes your mouth feel.
if it’s a partner a good way to sell all this to them is how much you love kissing a minty fresh mouth / or speak indirectly about how much you hate to kiss bad breath and it’s a real turn on when people take good care of their oral hygiene and have lovely clean teeth 😅

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/07/2025 09:55

AuntMarch · 07/07/2025 00:11

I am due a visit too, but I can't afford it 🤷‍♀️

Awful, isn’t it? We haven’t had access to an NHS dentist for at least 8 years now.
Selling our house and retiring. Lots of people buy a sports car, we’ll be getting our teeth looked at!

caramac04 · 07/07/2025 09:59

If it were my DH I’d be blunt and say their oral hygiene needed improvement as their teeth are stained and it’s making their breath smell.

MyUmberSeal · 07/07/2025 10:02

Yeah if it’s your partner or child, I’d be telling them. Scuzzy teeth due to poor dental hygiene is minging.

alcoholnightmare · 07/07/2025 10:05

AuntMarch · 07/07/2025 00:11

I am due a visit too, but I can't afford it 🤷‍♀️

Same

crackofdoom · 07/07/2025 10:14

I mean, I had to do this with the last guy I dated. I asked him if he would consider coming to the hygienist with me, and he agreed. Turns out he had a dental phobia. So I was the one that ran around, booked the appointments, gave him my last diazepam, held his hand...

Then the penny dropped that he wants his girlfriends to run around after him and constantly tend to his mental and physical health needs (which are extensive). Mate, I already have to look after 2DC single handed....just nope.

So you might want to give some thought to why he's not showed up relationship ready, and what that says about his attitude to them.

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