Update and Advice needed

[RoseInBloome7]

Being told I'm going on holiday | Mumsnet . Orignial thread.

I didn't go!

However, I am expected to lie in a meeting with lawyers about something my son has done ( can't put details as too outing) as coercive control and my son's behaviour towards me is mentioned. I'm expected to lie as they both tell me I'm too over sensitive , it's just banter , I have mental health problems and it didn't happen .

It did.

Both of them are giving me the silent treatment. Whispering , laughing and chatting in different rooms.

I have to read through a document of the mentioned behaviour and inform them (son and H) I've read it , reflected on it and I'm going to deny it to lawyers so the statement can be changed in their favour . If not, my son's "life will be ruined"

I still live in the same house.

I've been asked 11 times in 3 hours if I've read it yet.

Thankfully they've gone out . The document , I've placed in a drawer as I can't face it.

I'm beyond mentally exhausted and don't know what to do.

Don't lie and let him off the hook. File for divorce.

If you lie for them you will get perpetuating and encouraging their abusive behaviour. As a parent you MUST hold to the truth so responsibility will be placed where it needs to be. Otherwise the behaviours will get bigger and worse and you won’t be able to lie his way out if things and he will end up in huge legal trouble in the future

Im so sorry you are in this position, sending love and light your way

I said this to DS. Just because someone rants doesn’t mean the narrative is changed or can be changed due to manipulation

I feel sick!

Sorry to say your son sounds like a domestic abuser in training. Lying for him now will not help his development as a decent human being.

Whose lawyers are these, and what is this document in relation to? Sorry, haven't read your other thread so don't know background.

I think there's more chance of your DS's life being ruined if you perpetuate whatever lies the father and son duo have concocted.

Tough love is sometimes the only way to show how much you love someone - and also the hardest thing you'll probably have to do to get your DS on the straight and narrow, especially as you'll probably be labelled the bad guy for years to come.

You can contact Rights of Women for free legal advice on Monday and the National Domestic Abuse helpline for support. It sounds like your son and husband are abusive.

Unless your son has committed murder, then at 14 his life is unlikely to be ruined by you not signing what they want.

But what is clear is that your life is being ruined by staying with your husband and son. What you need is an exit strategy. The best chance your son has of reaching adulthood a decent human is for you to divorce his father and for him to not spend so much time in his company. Then you might be able to unpick some of the damage.

thank you x
i feels so alone in this x

If they’re still out, can you get some essentials together - paperwork, clothes, any trinkets you really care about - and go stay with your brother?

Take the document with you, too. You deserve to live a life that is free from being controlled by your husband and son. And this is an opportunity to potentially escape without them realising you’ve gone until it’s too late.

And yes, I realise this is rather the nuclear option, but I am worried about how much more pressure they will try to exert on you to sign this document, and whether it will go beyond angry words.

You need to get out. Call Women's Aid, or a family member - take what you need and GO!

And file for divorce FFS. Tell the lawyer the straight, honest, unvarnished truth and leave your DH and DS to themselves. This is an utter shit show and has been for donkey's years.

It sounds like the damage has been done with your DS. Save yourself.

The damage has certainly been done to DS. He was making ‘throat slitting’ gestures at me recently .

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

As daunting as it may feel, you need to get away. Contact Women’s Aid about the abuse, because that’s what coercive control is, and even if you don’t feel able to just pack up and go today, start planning your exit.

I’ve started planning now . When ( not if) I leave it won’t be with DS . I know that may make me a terrible mother but I’m at breaking point .

It’s like when they say during in-flight safety briefings to put your own oxygen mask on first or you won’t be able to help your child. It doesn’t make you a terrible mother. He’s old enough to know that throat-slitting gestures to his own mother are unacceptable.

Take care of your own physical and mental safety first, and then when you’ve learned to breathe again and feel safe and secure, it may be possible to help your son.

I wouldn't sign anything that is essentially saying that you are mentally unstable and that's why you are too sensitive. Goodness knows what your son has done but if he has chosen to do something that gives him a criminal record, he might also get support from an outside agency to sort his life out and become a half decent human being.
You need to leave the pair of them to it. Get your essentials and any paperwork you can, and leave. Today. It's not safe for you to be in that home with them. They are both showing coercive control towards you.

Thankfully my son was proved innocent but H wanted a report on everything from social services .

Thank you all , feeling much calmer x

How are you doing OP? 💐

Not great sadly . I’m an anxious mess !

Please tell us that you are still planning to leave & aren’t going to sweep all this under the carpet!
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

@RoseInBloome7 I was hoping to hear you had managed to leave, and had filed for divorce. Please look after yourself