Does she like me?

[CosyBlueRobin]

35-year-old autistic male here.

Quite recently a very good friend of mine (57-year-old non-autistic female) told me that she had a dream in which I asked her to marry me and she accepted.

She said afterwards, "If the thought ever entered your mind, you know my response."

Would you all call this definite, irrefutable proof that she likes me in that way?

I'm just looking for opinions.

How did you meet her by the way? If it was online, does she live near you?

Twenties and thirties while she has been 40+, yes. The difference with me is that we have been close friends for some time.

We met through another friend.

I would say she does and she’s being very direct about it. Ask her out if you like her 😊

I think people are being kind here.
She’s 57, you are 22 years younger and ND.

She is too old for you. She most likely meant it as a joke because the idea of actually getting married is preposterous. Why are you jumping from ‘non-romantic friends’ to ‘marriage’?

The reality is there is not going to be a relationship with this woman. She does not see you as a peer/potential partner.

@TryingAgainAgainAgain This is bollocks, and makes the poster sound influenced by MRA/incel thinking.

It clearly isn't.

So do you consider ALL of your male friends attractive and people that you would potentially want to have relationships with?

Yeah, dating men in their twenties while she’s been 40+ is not normal. Presumably none of these relationships lasted. Irrelevant how long you’ve known her. I would not be going near her with a bargepole.

I am also ND like OP, but completely agree with all of this.

Why do you think she's too old? We have a very close and affectionate friendship, and she communicated this to me in a private message, so I have my doubts about the joke theory. When she referred to "the thought", I believe she meant a relationship and not literally marriage. That was probably just a part of the dream.

Because she’s old enough to be your mother, you’d have absolutely nothing in common and are at different life stages. Does she know you are autistic?

We're very close. As for being old enough to be my mother, I don't know why so many people get hung up on that. Relationships with big age gaps have never bothered me.

Well she is old enough to be your mother. If she likes younger men and you like older women then fair enough. The likelihood of you being together forever is slim but it's your life and your decision to make.

Well we can’t tell you on here if she likes you for sure. The best thing to do would be to message her and ask.

If you're close friends presumably she knows you're autistic so might need clarification on non-straight forward communication.

If a man had said that to me, I'd probably think he was hinting at something more. But really the only way you're going to find out is if you ask her. You can do it in a lighthearted way as PP suggested 'oh, was that you asking me out (haha)'

Or you can be direct, but no one else knows what she's thinking so just ask!

Maybe you’d like to ask her out then?

BUMP

She's literally dreaming about marrying you, then telling you she wouldnt turn you down!
She has form for dating younger people and youre clearly into her and she knows it!
I would say she was majorly flirting with you. Why she can't just ask you out though and just dropped a hint instead is a bit odd, especially if you struggle with social cues(?) Maybe she's traditional and wants you to make the first move.
From what you've said, I think she's into you, no harm In asking her out!

I think 22 years is a ridiculous age gap. When you are her age she would be preparing for her 80th birthday.

If she only has relationships with people with similar age gaps, there is actually something wrong with her. We recognize it in men, and it is just the same here.

What does close and affectionate mean to you?

That’s a massively sweeping generalisation and not true at all, going by my own personal experience and that of many women I know. I have ended up falling for men who started out purely platonic.

I really dislike this attitude on here where people say, ‘’he’s a man so he thinks and acts like this’’ and ‘’she’s a woman so she thinks and acts like that’’ it’s total bullshit. There are SOME general rules, but people are individual and not defined by their sex.

OP, it’s a very odd thing to say to someone you don’t fancy but maybe she just knows you fancy her and is playing with you. Either way, I’d say she’s too old for you at 57, really.

We are very close friends, so I don't think she'd play with me in that fashion. Why do you think she's too old? Just asking.

Because although you’re close it doesn’t mean she’s not just having a fantasy and getting a bit of an ego boost out of knowing that someone 22 years her junior fancies her. I mean, come on, reverse it here, if you were 57 and you had a 35 year old friend that fancied you, you’d be flattered and might play up to it, wouldn’t you? It’s the same thing here.

On the other hand, If she’s serious about a relationship/marriage then as others have said it’s a red flag because there tends to be a massive power imbalance with large age gaps, and couple that with your autism you are very open to be abused/ taken advantage of by someone who isn’t ND.

@Teanbiscuits33 That’s a massively sweeping generalisation and not true at all, going by my own personal experience and that of many women I know. I have ended up falling for men who started out purely platonic.

Do you consider most of your male friends to be sexually attractive?

@shuggles No, but I don’t have many male friends. Of the ones I have had, I’ve fell for a few of them, though some not. The point I’m making is that you stated that if you have a friendship with a woman, she can’t possibly fancy you or have her feelings change or develop. I’m saying that isn’t true and a generalisation. Close friendships often do develop.

Agreed.
I'm female and have certainly found platonic male friends attractive on a number of occasions, both in the past and currently (I'm now 59). In some cases romantic/sexual relationships have then developed, sometimes many years as friends.
This stark demarcation between friend/potential partner just doesn't accord with reality in my view. Neither does the "men all think like this/women all think like that" nonsense.

Hard to tell, when you say she’s had lots of young boyfriends I immediately thought she is not looking for something serious, at all.

she sounds like a flirt and me being me and autistic, I’d want to know if she actually liked me or was mucking around. I sometimes find it hard to tell when boys flirt with me, maybe due to my autism. Whether they actually liked me or if it was just something they did with all the girls.

OP, this might not be relevant to you but if you are a virgin (I was a late virgin and i was in my mid twenties before I even kissed a boy) don’t throw it away on someone because you want to lose it, if that’s a factor here.