Anyone realise attraction to other women later in life?

[BarilynBordeaux]

Just that, really. I’m pretty sure I’m in perimenopause which I don’t know much about in terms of it changing things around sexually? I know I’ve lost a lot of interest in men in general, but I’m also increasingly drawn to women in a romantic way.

im not saying I’ve suddenly realised I’m gay or anything, it’s just something I’ve surprised myself by being more open to. Anyone else hit midlife with an attraction to other women?

Im bi and find a lot of women attractive.
It doesn't answer your post but didn't want ro read and run.

Oooh I hope this happens to me!! I am very aware that many women get to 40/50 and realise that many/most men are selfish twits, I do believe that hormones are in play in our 20s/30s to make us blind to men’s faults - I would love it if the next step is to start fancying women.

Anecdotally, I’ve seen a fair few women do this. Menopause can be a major shake up.

I don’t know if it lasts though.

I do know what you mean. I’ve 46 peri- menopausal and for some reason I find men a bit ick. I don’t know if I’m over the baby hump but. I don’t think I’m gay or bi but woman seemmmore attractive these days.

I m the same, I find men and women equally attractive now.

I also find men that I would have previously been more open too, less attractive (if that makes sense).

I find less people overall attractive, I ve become more choosey, but I m seeing women as more attractive, rather than being intimidated by attractive women or comparing myself to them.

I m still mostly, occasionally flirting with men. It's what I know. I don't seek women out, I just notice a mild attraction very occasionally. I think it's perimenopause.

I've dated a few bi curious women who wnt on to become bi sexual. It's only a few though not many. The age range was from 20's to 60's.

Ok, good to know it’s anecdotally a thing as well. I feel like it’s a combo of hormones and having less estrogen blinding me to the thoughtless blinkered bs of men. I’ve wondered in the past if I’m bi, maybe it’s time to find out! 😂

"Anyone realise attraction to other women later in life?"
No, 100% No.

I think menopause did that for me.

I left my husband, realised that the bulk of everything was down to me, and had had enough.

I’m very happy being single, but if there is a relationship it will not be with a man. It’s like the scales fell away and I can see what most men are like and can’t unsee it.

Yes, although I suspect with hindsight I was always attracted to women, rather than it being something like menopause that may have caused a change.

I was 37. I always thought I loved my husband but he was abusive and when it crossed the line into physical abuse that left me with an injury (a minor one) I lost all respect for him, it was a wake up call that I needed to end it. It was only once I got over that relationship with him that I thought about what I might want from any future relationship and came to the realisation that it would be with a woman and not a man.

Compulsory heterosexuality is a thing - I never knew that a relationship with a woman was ever an option to me (you know what it’s like, old fashioned family members rolling their eyes at gay people, the only lesbians I knew were the stereotypical butch women which aren’t my type). When I look back now there were loads of signs that I wasn’t straight, I just didn’t recognise them!! I think it’s more common than most people would realise.

Very much agree. For me it wasn’t a ‘change’ much more a ‘realisation’, which if life had been different, I’d have actioned much earlier. No abusive relationship here (and sorry about the abuse your ex perpetrated - hope you’ve recovered.) I couldn’t be happier and though not given to regret, wish I had been done with men much earlier. I’d no lesbians in my life growing up. No positive influences or awareness of how bloody wonderful lesbian lives are. Compulsory heterosexuality is absolutely real and wish as a concept it was more out there.

I’ve often thought it strange that ‘Lesbians’ isn’t a talk topic on Mumsnet - and wish it was!

It would be inundated by pervy men.

I think with hindsight I would consider myself bi, but I was attracted to so few people that any crush on a woman could be swept under the carpet as a schoolgirl crush (even in my 20s 30s and 40s).

Lesbian in later life LILL is definitely a known thing, yep.

Yes, I’ve started to feel this in my 40s. I’m only sexually attracted to my husband. I find almost all other men icky. But I’ve definitely started noticing what’s attractive about women in a way I never did before. It’s like I’m seeing women through a straight man's eyes.

Oh sadly so true that perverted men would take an interest. Suspect they’d be easy to spot / would get bored when they realise lesbians don’t want to particularly discuss their sex lives though. I’m the mother of a teenager and would love a place to connect with other lesbians experiencing similar. Not easy to do unfortunately

I’m sexually attracted to other women but not emotionally/romantically. So I reserve it for fantasies

For me it’s not sexual, because if I think about that I get the ick. It’s more like the romantic pre-sexual fantasies I had as a teenager.

I am deeply attracted to dh, but I’ve lost interest completely in other men, and I find them tiresome on the whole. Whereas I find myself quite fascinated by women.

Menopause is a weird thing

Also agree with this. Relationships between women just weren't something I ever saw growing up. I've had 2 serious relationships with men - the 2nd of whom I'm married to. And it seems ridiculous to say, but it honestly never crossed my mind that finding women sexually attractive might actually mean I'm not straight 🤣. Compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing and if I was coming of age now, rather than 35 years ago, I'm pretty sure I'd regard myself as bi. But my marriage is good so it's not likely to be something I'll ever get to act upon.

I’ve known quite a few women turn out to be gay in midlife. I wonder if the following have anything to do with it:

they have already had children, so they don’t need men for that purpose.

There is a lack of decent available men that are interested in you as you get older:
Hormone changes
Being bi since puberty but scared to come out
Finding rhe right person

joined the Late Blooming Lounge on FB and a couple of other groups - would be nice to connect with some like minded women!

The older I get, the more I realise that I have always been attracted to people, no matter their sexuality.
I was married for forty years, happy, but always acknowledged that I took as much, if not more, pleasure from the company of women than men.
My (very ) young granddaughter has announced that she is pan sexual, and whilst I suspect this is a short lived obsession, I totally get it.
I've always been more attracted to the personality than the person 😊

Yes, me too.
Love kissing and intimacy with a woman, but could never be in a relationship with one. Just no emotional connection for me.
Sadly I am now too old for the women I find attractive

Oh no. Not this again 😐....

If it wasn't cool and fashionable, you wouldn't even be thinking about it.

I'm straight. But could I snog a woman ? Yeh. I could snog a man I didn't fancy particularly if I do desired. Do I look at women and think they're stunning? Yeh. Can I appreciate a good pair of legs in a pair of hot pants and see why a man would think "hell yeh !" - well, yeh I can see why. Woman are gorgeous creatures.

But ask yourself this : do you desire and lust after women ? Do you get turned on by women and the thought of finding out what's under their clothes ? Could you imagine in the heat of lusty desire digging into their underwear to find a vulva ? It sounds crude : but finding women attractive is natural (I mean look at some of them !!!) especially as we get older : we lose the competitive streak towards other women and relax and just appreciate them.

There's a thread per week of middle aged women naval gazing into the middle distance whilst twiddling their hair between there their thumb and ring finger (with hubby in the garden ) musing over how they might like 'women' could be part of the cool LGBTQ crowd. most gay people or bisexual people know from an early age. Ok sone marry and come out late (but all the people I know that did this, knew they were gay even if in denial ) it's seldom that someone just suddenly snaps and realises in middle age.

It's easy to ponder over it whilst living in a comfortable heterosexual life without all the stigma and real life experience of what actual gay and bi sexual people understand as their reality in times gone by.

It's also unfair to 'experiment' with lesbian women who will end up sniffing out your heterosexuality very quickly. they know.

I'd have a very serious think about your true feelings. It's kind of trivialising gayness.