Anyone realise attraction to other women later in life?

[BarilynBordeaux]

Just that, really. I’m pretty sure I’m in perimenopause which I don’t know much about in terms of it changing things around sexually? I know I’ve lost a lot of interest in men in general, but I’m also increasingly drawn to women in a romantic way.

im not saying I’ve suddenly realised I’m gay or anything, it’s just something I’ve surprised myself by being more open to. Anyone else hit midlife with an attraction to other women?

@SquishedMallow what a load of rubbish. Not everything is some kind of twitter fight you know. In my friendship group, four women went gay in their late 30s/early 40s. It's a well known thing.

You don't have to go out with OP so leave her be. She's a real person and this is her actual life.

Well judging by some of the replies "I got sick of men" like being gay Is a choice when you're fed up with men really reducing it crudely. Gay people are born gay (and many fought vehemently against their sexuality when it wasn't ok to be gay) it must be very patronising to read these reductive replies like it's something to just experiment with when you're bored of being "normal"

🙄Basically, if someone wants to have sex with another woman, they can. It's fine. Nobody has to pass a special test or get a certificate or join a movement. We can all just be. You going round telling people off for who they want to have sex with is not liberation, actually.

Your comments trivialise the reality for many women and demonstrate an utter lack of understanding of the impact of compulsory heterosexuality. You’re describing how you feel and making huge assumptions that everyone else is like you. You’ve also fell into a very heterosexual male definition of attraction.

For women thinking they might be lesbian- you may well are. And come on in, the water’s lovely 🥰

I can't really believe we're in this world now where self-professed straight people think it's ok (and even right-on) to go round literally shaming people for having gay thoughts.

IT'S OK TO FANCY WOMEN, OP. CRACK ON.

You have spectacularly misinterpreted my point.

The op has said herself she's not gay.

What is your hangup? It's not a religion, you know. You can can just shag a woman if you want (and if she wants!).

You don't have to take a vow of gayness before you're allowed to appreciate a crew cut in cowboy boots.

I'm peri and widowed. I don't ever want (I know this might change) a relationship with a man ever again. I just don't like them once they get older, that is 40's like me, and above. I'm quite repulsed by men now.

Women in comparison generally seem to be more attractive and look after themselves more than men as they get older. It's not to say I want a relationship with a woman, but yes they generally are 'better looking' than men of the same age.

"Anyone realise attraction to other women later in life?"
Yes, 100% yes!!!

’Born this way’ ideology has only been around for the last 100 years and was introduced by the Sexologists to benefit gay men. ‘They can’t help themselves so don’t blame them for being gay’. Lesbians just got lumped in with this notion. (See Sheila Jeffreys ‘The Spinster’ if interested in a detailed description)

The gay gene has yet to be discovered 🙄 Our experiences in life / coming to consciousness play a part in determining both our sexuality and the likelihood of us actively doing something about it. No matter what path women take to becoming a lesbian, or how they explain the journey to themselves or others, it’s a brilliant place to get to.

Yes

If I'm fantasising, it involves women. Never men. Women are beautiful compared to men.

You can. But it's a little unfair on gay women. If you're going to 'shag' a woman , it's going to have to be a gay one. Not overly fair to lead a lesbian on just to realise you want to tick it off your bucket list and then go back to heterosexuality. It's using people really and I've known a couple of gay friends this has happened to. (Funnily enough men don't do it ) And this my friends,is why lesbianism is not viewed as a "proper" or "serious" sexuality (you're free to look it up ) because straight women try it on like it's a pretty dress to get out the wardrobe. There's people's feelings involved. If you look up lesbian dating sites many have a preference to only dating lesbians and not people experimenting that have only had straight relationships.

Right. So you're saying people chose to be gay are you ? I don't think you realise just how offensive what you've just said is.

My sexuality has ebbed and waned throughout my life. I thought I was straight and married. Then after divorce, thought I was lesbian and had a relationship with a woman. Then back to a man again, assuming I was bi.

TBH, none of my relationships have been satisfying. I think I'm probably bi but I've decided to have no more relationships.

I don’t think you have much of a clue about sexuality in general from your previous comments - which are rooted in notions of heterosexual male sexuality tbh. You’re comfortable telling a lesbian how offensive her definition of how she views her sexuality is? Did you scan read and see the word ‘choice’ somewhere?

Yes me. Only ever fantasise about women now. I have a nice dh but think of women I fancy when we have sex

Hmmmm 🤔

You can choose to be gay and it's a great choice! Choose gay today! Dial 4 2 9 G A Y and claim your free gift. It's a carabiner! Comes in all the colours of the rainbow.

You're allowed! It's ok! It's ok to be gay!

I couldn’t give a flying fck how women get there - how they decide to explain it. There’s already been different explanations up thread including didn’t know it was an option, think I always have been etc. I think it’s brilliant when women get there. Ime, social media pile ons around ‘choice’ (again - not my word) just serve to create confusion and exclusion. Getting there and finding out how brilliant it is, and I’m far from just talking about sex, is what’s important. The water really is lovely.

💯

No, because that's gross - although if it randomly happened to me, I suppose it necessarily wouldn't seen gross any more!

I feel like my attraction to men is waning, but it hasn't been replaced by attraction to women, or any sort of weird paraphilia for that matter. Sex and all that goes with it just doesn't seem that important any more.

I wonder if late life lesbians were always a bit that way inclined, but repressed it somehow? I think my generation saw lesbians as a bit of a joke or not really a thing, and it must have been easier to go with the flow and date a man. I certainly dated men I wasn't remotely into when I was young and silly, just to have a "boyfriend". Today's youth seem much less inhibited and more relaxed about being individuals, and that's great.

I think it's just that male partners can be very disappointing (this can sometimes take a decade plus to become clear), and when this is combines with a bicurious female partner...

I’ve known a few women that have entered into relationships with other women after being married 25 years+ and had kids.
Both of the ones I know personally just got sick of men, but I’m guessing must’ve had some level of sexual attraction to women previously.

What do you mean 'Born this way ideology has only been around for the last 100 years'?

People know who they are attracted to. I knew in childhood, way before I had any sexual desire, that I was heterosexual. I had crushes on women because I wanted to be like them, but I had crushes on men because I wanted them to notice and like me. As soon as I was out of childhood, the physical crushes were always on boys or men. The same is true for gay and lesbian people.

Maybe the women now finding other women sexually attractive are bi and always have been, but being straight is assumed to be the social norm so they defaulted to that aspect of their sexuality.