Oh Bananabeau you will be missed.

[Rainbows41]

I'm so sorry to see your post has been removed. You will be missed.
I refreshed my app daily in the hopes of seeing positive updates from you, and I'm sad you felt you needed to remove your post altogether.
I wish you well in your future and I sincerely hope you can fulfill your dreams.

You deserve to be happy.
💗

I hope you managed to get through yesterday, but it sounded like a nightmare situation for you and I bet you are absolutely wrung out. I'm so hoping you don't have to endure your sadist bastard of a husband for too much longer.

Do you need a patio built? I'd quite happily bury the rodent beneath several tons of concrete, I've got my own pickaxe.

This!

I'll give you both alibis/bring my own shovel so we can get it done quicker - just holler!

Seriously though @bananabeau , we're all here for you, rooting for you, cheering you on - you WILL be ok, promise xxx

Hope yesterday went as well for you as it could . I’m alarmed by your mention of ‘accidental’ loss of access to money and ‘accidental’ locking out. Be very very careful as you move ahead as behaviour is likely to escalate

I can’t add any more to the super advice you’ve already been given so this is just another message of support. I’ve been with you and rooting for you since thread 1.

I hope yesterday went well with no nasty surprises and you were able to channel your inner Princess Anne and get through it with grace - with possibly the occasional withering look that she does so well. 😉

Whatever your plans are for escape every day is one day nearer to putting them into action. Good luck ☘️

I think I’d do a Princess Diana, get glammed up, show off my pins and give out dazzling smiles, whilst giving off Fuck You vibes.

My late husband's ex turned up at the same event as us one time. She had her younger affair partner with her. Only problem was that she'd used the narrative that it was DH who'd had an affair with a younger woman...

I had lost a great deal of weight and was - for once - looking quite reasonable and wearing a new outfit.

The ex waited until DH had left my side, swept up to me in front of an audience of women and intoned: "My, Weary! What a LOVELY dress! What a lovely colour! Mind you, you can wear it...being so YOUNG!"

As she turned to her audience and began to move away, I merely said "Thank you."

So hope you’re OK banana, sending love x

Hi @bananabeau we’re all rooting for you. Hope you’re well x

@bananabeau I’ve not read any of your previous thread but I’ve read enough of this to get a bit of a jist of things.

You sound like a very strong woman and I wish you all the best. Hope the event wasn’t as bad as expected.

Morning, apologies for the late reply.

I was exhausted yesterday. Event went as anticipated, tears and tantrums. But I didn’t let it ruin my day. Glad it’s over and actually glad I seen the gatecrasher in all her glory. Made me realise I have absolutely nothing to worry about or feel intimidated by.

❤️

That's a good update! Upwards and onwards now @bananabeau

Well done you! 👏 So pleased to see you back, and though I was fearing they'd get to you, it sounds like you've drawn some power from it!

Of course you'll be tired - normal reaction to processing this emotional stuff - but this sounds like a step forward - no one can pretend this is normal behaviour any more.

Onwards! Cheering you on here!

Glad to hear it went well OP. Did any of them support you?

Being in the same place as her when she behaved like that just proved to everyone exactly how different you are and that you'd never act like that.

Just...what the actual F? What is wrong with this woman? Did your H and the child that invited her apologise to you for the scene?

I'm glad you are ok. Shows how strong you are and how far you've come in a short time x

If they haven't apologised to you for inviting her without your consent, to make the inevitable scene at something she had no business being at, then you need to tell them straight they need to apologise to you.

Been following from the first thread...

Can I just say to you @bananabeau that one of the absolute joys of ending a relationship is that suddenly, as if by magic, not only does the ex disappear, but all his friends and relations disappear too. It is absolute bliss.

This doesn't negate past loyalties, but it sure as hell makes for a happy future life. Imagine neither knowing nor caring what each one of them is up to at any given moment.

Best wishes

Why does your H and family continue to pander to this awful woman?
why are you letting them continue to do this to you?

Because I am not in a position to leave immediately. Sometimes life isn’t that simple. I don’t want to be treated poorly, it isn’t a choice. A month ago I was oblivious to the fact it was happening

You've come so far.

Even though you are in the thick of it, plans need to be in place, till you can walk off into the sunset, freedom is near.
Soon, you won’t be part of the family dynamics, your life will be drama free.
You won’t feel like an outsider, made to ‘know your place!’ Only accepted when you are catering to their needs and wishes.
You will be able to discover yourself @bananabeau, please yourself without shackles, and having your needs obliterated by others.

I agree - you've made huge strides just seeing this - it's not as easy as us keyboard warriors would think!

You thought for years your feet were hurting - now you've realised there were pebbles in your shoes all along. Shaking the pebbles out of your shoes, psychologically, is a big and complex task, but at least now you know what needs to be done...

Even getting through that event as you did is a huge advance! You are getting more empowered, and it won't always be easy, but it will be worth it!

Glad it wasn’t horrendous @bananabeau even though it’s a shame your predictions were correct.

How did your DH and the rest of the family react to her shenanigans?

They'll have a lot to think about when you're no longer around and they have to keep dealing with her. It might spur them on to getting her out their lives, but it will be too late. They have gone along with it for an easy life, but there are no short cuts

Hi @bananabeau

Hope you can manage to pull back from being used. You've had an awful illness & you need to care for & concentrate on you.
Can you get/invent a hobby, class etc to spend less time in the house & therefore have less visible "free time" that others can waste?
No babysitting. Too exhausted/recovering/busy.
Less meal planning/cooking. - I'm at my class tonight & having a sandwich on the run. You can sort yourself out (ahem) Dearest.
Only have time to sort out what directly affects you - ie deal with only your car insurance. He can sort his own. If he wants to change his breakdown cover, then he can do it.
If you go shopping, only go where you need/want to in order to get your stuff. If you used to pick up his ultra organic avocados from the specialist shop the other side of town, don't. He doesn't deserve your time & effort.

Get plans straight in your head, practicalities & timelines. It will keep you strong because when the going gets tough you can think to yourself ok, this is arranged, that's done, only X time left until I can waltz off into my new peaceful happy future. These ungrateful baskets won't be in my life anymore.

Head up Princess Banana. Rise above. You can do this 💪

He's not her 'D'H he is her STBXH we hope!