Is husband being a SAHP killing our relationship?

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Long story short, husband got sepsis from a routine op last year when our son was only 8 weeks old- he spent a week in ICU. Prior to this when I was pregnant we always discusssed a future where my husband got to be more involved and work less ( I earn 3x his salary ) after getting ill he was offered redundancy and decided to take it- he never returned from paternity leave so has now been at home for 15 months ( I returned 6 weeks post partum ) I work in an executive level position and also do consultancy work. Financially everything is 100% on me but I’m still picking up a huge amount of everything else. We had a cleaner but I recently let her go as she was useless, so I’m mostly working all week doing 2 roles, then picking up most of the cleaning etc at the weekend. I’ve made a list of what needs doing and offered to split it but OH doesn’t seem to be able to follow it and gets angry if I mention the fact the house is filthy, or there’s no clean clothes or we’ve eaten pizza 3 nights in a row. He also does very little in terms of enrichment for our now toddler. I was a sahp to our daughter ( age 9 ) and I did all cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, organising, took daughter to various groups, swimming, park etc weekly, arranged all birthday presents, workmen etc - my husband seems literally incapable of this then has the cheek to complain I don’t dress up for him or initiate sex! Honestly I am so turned off by him and absolutely shattered. It’s Monday morning and I’m on my knees already. Is my marriage doomed ?

SAHP seems to mean doing the majority of the mental/physical load, but you’re not so Dh has not read the instructions! e needs to step the fuck up, his behaviour is appalling.

Wow. I had a double mastectomy then sepsis and 6 rounds of chemo. I got a new job 2 weeks after the final round and had 3 kids under 6. Tell him to get a grip. It's not the sepsis, it's just laziness. Maybe send him to work, get a cleaner, order meal kits, and your toddler can have enrichment with a childminder or nursery? He's clearly not doing a good job.

Not read through the whole thread but in similar-ish position. Minus the executive wage. Also have useless cleaners, who charge almost the same £/hour as I earn but I have to write a long list for them else they do the bare minimum.
the SAHP struggles, if I guide and say what needs doing he thinks I'm nagging, so I guess he'll need a list too. I did offer he could job-hunt, and I could spend more time at home, for some reason he didn't like that..

You post a lot about this situation OP - it’s clearly not working.

He should be saying doing a day time course to rebuild structure and routine towards going back to work say part time?
Give him nine months from September maybe.

He’s completely taking the piss. What a lazy fucker, sorry OP. We’re the other way around, I don’t work and have some health issues, the house isn’t perfect but I make an effort with meals and I’d be mortified to let it get into the state you describe so the sole earner had to spend their whole weekend cleaning. My
d.h earns the money, empties the dishwasher every morning, puts the bins out and sometimes does some laundry, helps clear up a bit after meals, does stuff with DS, and I do pretty much everything else. It feels like a reasonably fair balance although I have a lot more leisure time than him. I would feel really guilty if he had to spend his small amounts of free time doing stuff that I should have done but didn’t. Your DH is being really disrespectful to you.

And he should 100% be the one dealing with hiring & managing a cleaner, if he’s too ill / lazy / depressed to do the cleaning himself. You should just be coming home to a clean house and not having to think about it.

I had peritonitis, sepsis and collapsed 1.5 lungs. One week in hospital. 6 weeks off work. Surgeon said 40 mins from dying. I think there needs some hard conversations here.