AIBU - could be pregnant and blaming husband

[Bella6761]

So after having my 2nd baby 8 months ago I was advised not to have any more kids because my womb lining is extremely thin, I was seconds away from rupturing and I had issues with my bladder during the section because of adhesions.. anyway I asked my husband to get the snip which he was dead set against we argued baxk
and forth but ultimately I can’t force him. And anyways I said to him don’t go in without a condom at all, because normally what we’ve always done is go in for a bit and then he puts a condom on nearer the time he’s going to cum and tbf we’ve never had issues he’s got quite good control. He assured me he will always pull out. So we had sex few days ago and he’s cum inside me, and said he didn’t realise he’d forgotten that he isn’t meant
to?!
now I’m sat here deciding between an IUD which is apparently more risky for me because of my thin lining, or waiting it out and potentially having an abortion. I did take the MAP, but I am in the middle of my cycle.
AIBU to be completely pissed off at him, I’m blaming him and he’s saying it’s not his fault apparently. Why do women have to suffer at the hands of men’s stupidity honestly.
anyways I hope I’m not pregnant guys pray for me, anyone wanting to conceive I’m sending prayers your way ❤️❤️❤️
I would have loved to have been if it wasn’t for my health 😭

You are both equally responsible. Unless he forced you to have sex?

I would have taken my own precautions in these circumstances.

Are you on any birth control?

If you took the MAO chances are you're not pregnant, and there's no pint stressing about whether you are or not until you know for certain.

But take this incident as a massive wake-up call. Don't let him anywhere near you without a condom in future. If he doesn't like that then he needs a vasectomy. I would probably look into some contraception for you as well, but something that is suitable and definitely not as the only thing you're using. When your health and life is in danger like this you have to be doubly careful, not messing around with this obviously risky withdrawal method. I'd be angry with your husband for 'forgetting', even if in the heat of the moment. But I do think you need to take some responsibility as well - both for allowing this madness to contine, and in terms of protecting yourself, since you clearly can't rely on him to be responsible about this.

Perhaps it needs pointing out to him that men cause ALL unplanned pregnancies. So many of them seem to not realise that it's their sperm that's to blame when a woman gets pregnant.

Drives me nuts.

Under the circumstances, I can't believe you've been letting an unwrapped dick inside you at all. That's a huge, daft risk to take, whether he comes inside you or not (and he has just illustrated just how big).

Have you asked about female sterilisation? Given the risk to your health another pregnancy would cause, you might well have quite a good shot at getting it done. Yes, vasectomy would be better, but you control your body and you don't control his, as you noted, and if this issue splits you up you might want to have sex with someone else one day anyway.

It’s as much your fault as it is his - you both knew you should be taking precautions and neither of you did!

You should use condoms, for all of it, always, if you don’t want to get pregnant. You’ve both been incredibly irresponsible. I was told another pregnancy would be very dangerous after my second so DH booked in for a vasectomy and we used condoms 100% of the time until he had the all clear about 9 months later. Yes yours should be willing to have a vasectomy but you’re the one at significant harm of pregnancy so it’s astonishing you’d risk it.

You're responsible for your own birth control.

Oh, and “just having an abortion” is not a birth control method. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against abortion but to use the pull it out method as an adult and to reason that if you create a baby you’ll just get an abortion rather than responsibly get together with your husband and plan a proper birth control method that suits you both is absolutely sickening.

I wouldn’t be having sex without protection if I didn’t want to get pregnant (pulling out isn’t protection, as everyone over 18 knows).

Why do women have to suffer at the hands of men’s stupidity

The stupidity is you both engaging in sex without a condom.

Weird to hang on about someone else’s stupidity while thinking the pull out method is reliable.

Why aren’t you on birth control? Obviously.

Did you consent to sex without a condom or did he force you?

Agree with PP: in your circumstances, it was a bit foolish on both sides (yours, too) to be relying on the withdrawal method. It sounds like you’ve been a bit passive about protecting yourself against pregnancy and left it all in your H’s hands. As a PP said, if you can’t have further children, perhaps it makes sense for you to be sterilised.

But we all make foolish mistakes. God knows I do. Hopefully the MAP will do the trick. Tighten up your protection going forward.

Even if he was responsible enough to pull out, you can still get pregnant from pre cum so it’s not even reliable for a little while.
There’s plenty of options available to you and plenty of people to see for advice.
You won’t be the first couple who had to sort out contraception because they didn’t want a pregnancy and you won’t be the last. Could you take the pill? Have the implant? Injection?

You should be on contraceptives.
And your husband should use a condom.

Well in all honesty you're both at fault. Him for "having forgotten" he wasn't meant to cum and for not realising that any unsheathed penetration can result in pregnancy (pre-cum). You shouldn't have let him anywhere near you without him wearing a condom from the outset.

If you're not interested in having your tubes tied then your choices are either condoms at all times, or abstaining until he gets snipped. Don't have an IUD if it will affect your health.

What?!?! Both are equally to blame here!!!

When DH for a couple of years humed and hard about having a vasectomy. I didn't let him near me without a condom, although I had no health worries. I did point out that if we did accidentally fall pregnant I wouldn't be OK with abortion (didnt feel it was right for me at that time). That made him get his act together as he really didn't want more children.

So if you have a serious health risk, I'd be going with you don't go near me (regardless of the condoms as they can fail) until we sort this out properly.

Pre Cum has sperm in, you could have gotten pregnant with your usual approach. Get contraceptives, they are free or get sterilised

You cannot be that dim. Pulling out isn't a safe method. Pre c*m is more than enough to get you pregnant, as a couple of my friends found out. Don't let him inside you at all without a condom if you don't want to get pregnant.

'he didn’t realise he’d forgotten that he isn’t meant
to?!'

bollocks - he didn't ' forget '

Are you an actual idiot?!?!?!?!?!??! What did I just read!!!!!!

Wtf, it takes two to tangle. Unless a woman is coerced, raped etc then she is as much at fault as the man.
Sorry didn’t mean to quote you.

Both sound as bad as each other.