AIBU - could be pregnant and blaming husband

[Bella6761]

So after having my 2nd baby 8 months ago I was advised not to have any more kids because my womb lining is extremely thin, I was seconds away from rupturing and I had issues with my bladder during the section because of adhesions.. anyway I asked my husband to get the snip which he was dead set against we argued baxk
and forth but ultimately I can’t force him. And anyways I said to him don’t go in without a condom at all, because normally what we’ve always done is go in for a bit and then he puts a condom on nearer the time he’s going to cum and tbf we’ve never had issues he’s got quite good control. He assured me he will always pull out. So we had sex few days ago and he’s cum inside me, and said he didn’t realise he’d forgotten that he isn’t meant
to?!
now I’m sat here deciding between an IUD which is apparently more risky for me because of my thin lining, or waiting it out and potentially having an abortion. I did take the MAP, but I am in the middle of my cycle.
AIBU to be completely pissed off at him, I’m blaming him and he’s saying it’s not his fault apparently. Why do women have to suffer at the hands of men’s stupidity honestly.
anyways I hope I’m not pregnant guys pray for me, anyone wanting to conceive I’m sending prayers your way ❤️❤️❤️
I would have loved to have been if it wasn’t for my health 😭

He's a lying prick. No way did he "forget". Be mad at him for that.

You should take responsibility for your own contraception, which might include refusing any sex without a condom.

The withdrawal method is not a reliable form of contraception. You shouldn't be allowing your husband to be having sex with you without a condom. No, most men don't like using condoms, but unless he's prepared to have a vasectomy, which he isn't, then it bloody tough isn't it?!! You have to take half of the responsibility here too; you are perfectly aware of the dangers to yourself if you become pregnant, yet seem to have a very blase attitude towards the danger and contraception. It's not about not wanting another child, it's the fact you could lose the baby and potentially your own life, therefore YOU need to organise contraception for yourself. You shouldn't be solely relying on your husband, he's proven to you, that you can't. Use a method yourself AND condoms, so you have double protection. You have no say over your husband's body, and it would be massively easier if he had a vasectomy but if necessary see your GP regarding you being sterilised. I'm pro-abortion in certain circumstances, but you shouldn't be seeing it as a form of contraception, because it isn't.

Okay wow some meanies out here today lol.
Firstly I am not having another surgery I’ve already had one too many.
Secondly we do always use condoms, but he goes in without for a few times or during forplay and then puts one on when about to properly DTD, and I HAD spoken to him after baby2 saying I want him to wear it all the time, he told me nothing will happen blabla, and in our 7 years of marriage it hasn’t ever happened so I was probably foolish to believe it but i did believe it.

I guess it’s my own stupidity for believing that too. And to the PP who said about abortion not being birth control, I didn’t say it was, and I pray I don’t have to be in that situation as it isn’t something I wouldn’t take lightly. But in this situation I don’t have an alternative.

and Hormonal birth controls do not suit me as I have other health issues which put me at risk with hormonal, so my only option would have been the IUD, which having spoke to a consultant said it would be risky but he’s still willing to do it. So idk where I’m at now.

thanks for your input and those who are offering advice and not just shaming me, genuinely thank you!

I’m shocked at the number of replies saying you’re as bad as each other. Yes, technically you are of course both responsible, but this isn’t a one night stand. You have already put your body through a huge amount in order to bear his DCs. Now, he refusing a relatively minor op (compared to pregnancy and labour) to keep you safe, and is instead promising to keep you safe by withdrawing and then “forgetting”!!??
Presumably in the back of his mind he is assuming you have other options (like morning after pill) wilfully ignoring the havoc this can wreak on a woman’s body.
If this were a fling, I’d say you have responsibility to protect yourself, but it’s a marriage and he is expecting you to endure all of the physical burden whilst he can’t be bothered to keep a condom on. Shame on him.

Surely you noticed he didn't stop and put a condom on?

You are kidding right?! This has to be a tongue in cheek comment because there is no way that any person old enough to engage in sexual activity can actually believe this nonsense?

Sterilisation is a huge decision. When I had my last baby I got sterilised because I was adamant that I wouldn't want another baby. My husband wasn't so sure. Years later I did want to have another baby with a new partner but didn't, which I am glad about now because the relationship didn't last. In your situation it sounds like it would be better for you to get it done but you don't want to. Does your husband think he would want more children if you split? Anything can happen. The operation is quite minor, nothing like a c section. If you have an IUD it will have to be changed every few years and that's not fun, and also dangerous for you.

What‽ Don't women who willingly allow themselves to be penetrated bear some responsibility?

You poor thing!
I wouldn't have sex with him again unless he has the snip after this
You've been through so much it's the least he can do

I fail to see how you are both not equally to blame here.

Am sure the MAP will work though so take this as a bit of a lesson to be more careful with your own reproductive system in future.

Relying on the withdrawal method is always foolish, but particularly so when the consequences of pregnancy could be so serious.

I could not imagine my husband not signing up for the snip in this situation. I know 100% my husband would have refused to leave the hospital without an appointment to get the snip.

It’s extremely dangerous, life threatening, for you to fall pregnant.

You’ve had major surgery twice. TWO MAJOR SURGERIES to safely deliver his children and yet he doesn’t feel like it’s his duty/responsibility/debt to get a procedure to ensure your health.

This would give me the ick and there’s no way I’d be wanting to have sex with this selfish arse.

you’re not completely faultless, can’t believe you’ve been having unprotected sex with him tbh.

you can’t make him have the snip but you can make him sleep in the spare room.

Have you told any health care professionals that this was your post baby contraception method, both times?
He shouldn't have done it, but where were you during the sex?? You havnt mentioned that he came abnormally quickly so presumably you knew full he didn't have a condom on and was about to cum, so what happened?

Secondly we do always use condoms, but he goes in without for a few times or during forplay and then puts one on

That’s literally not always using condoms then?

It takes two or hadn't you noticed. Never, ever leave contraception purely to one person.

No one is shaming you
You were very silly to believe that 'putting it in a few times' was in any way safe
If its that important that you do not get pregnant you need to take precautions from the get go

Does he understand how dangerous it is for you to get pregnant, does he just not care??

No-one is being a 'meanie' by pointing out that his dick regularly being inside you without a condom on is risking pregnancy. That's very often the outcome from regular unprotected sex.
Would to be good if he had a vasectomy so it's not all on you? Yes, of course.
Do you equally need to take responsibility for not getting pregnant given the high risk? Yes, of course.

Hopefully you won't get pregnant, probably best to cross that bridge when you come to it. Might have been "accidental" but what it means is you can't trust him to pull out. You gave him the opportunity and he's failed so if you don't want to take birth control (no judgment), he needs to wear a condom from the start, might persuade him into getting a vasectomy.

Honestly, after I've finished having children i feel that my husband owes me a vasectomy. The amount of suffering my body has been through to produce children, I feel that it would be disrespectful not too! Luckily, I don't think I will face any objection.

I hope it all works out for you.

Why are you so sure MAP will work?? OP said she's mid cycle. It can't work if you've already ovulated! It's meant to work by preventing ovulation.

The fact that 2 grown adults are relying solely on condoms then not even using them properly is baffling. Even basic sex education covers the fact they should go on from the start, not just when a man is ‘close’.

This man prioritises his penis over your life. He's repeatedly demonstrated he doesn't care about the risk to your life pregnancy presents, as unprotected sex is trying to conceive.

Repulsive behaviour from the man.

Both to blame …….

Your partner is no more to blame than you are.

Well your dh needs to choose between no sex or a vasectomy and sex.
Can’t believe how selfish some men are.

Err ok then, sorry op I'm not sure.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 🙄